life...

2009-04-06T21:33:00.001+08:00

I have moved on.

http://on-my-way-here.blogspot.com/

2009-04-01T15:25:00.002+08:00

Run away,

to somewhere nobody could ever find you,

and decide.

2009-03-31T16:10:00.001+08:00

Shit. I'm going down again. Shit.
I must stop this.

Karangahake Gorge Trip

2009-03-30T16:57:00.007+08:00

Feeling awfully stress now, I've decided to eat a banana and blog about...um..something.

Oh yeah, about my tramping trip yesterday. The physical challenge I imposed upon myself with not much regret I must say.

Well I did initially, when I had to drag myself out of bed at supposedly 630am but I only managed to at 7am on a Sunday morning, mind you. I cursed and swear and rushed and barely made it in time. We headed up North to somewhere near Paeroa (where the famous L&P drink originated). It was around an hour 40min drive and I soon nodded off in the car - you see the reason why I am still procrastinating in taking my driving license.

Admittedly, I do not really know the details of the trip. I know we were going tramping somewhere outside Auckland but thats about it. I was so caught up trying to finish what I was supposed to finish and that overshadowed any bit of excitement about the trip. Anyway, we got there and I just felt absolutely lazy and tired. I wonder where my so-called adventurous spirit and passion for outdoors went. See the evilness of jurisprudence and legal research? They consume you into their black hole, swallowing up your every bit of emotions towards anything else. (Ok, ok, I shall stop being melodramatic)

Anyway, I decided that I might just get an inspiration or 2 when I'm climbing up to presumably the summit of this thing I'm climbing. Maybe I'll get a moment of inspiration and come up with some radical new thought or concept which no one ever did. Or maybe I'll miraculously understand what is happening in whatever papers I'm taking now. Maybe.. so I started day dreaming about that whilst climbing the somewhat difficult trek. Soon, all those thoughts faded and all attention and energy was put into getting one feet ahead of the other. Gosh, I never learn my lesson, do I? Lesson learnt again: Do not attempt to do something physically challenging without first training. First was the National Vertical Marathon, now its this.

Well long story short, I managed to reach the summit and the view was of course, awesome.
Happily forgetting the shitload of work at home, it came back to haunt me by text: "Hey Huiling, I'm a little stuck on 399 (legal research). For Question 1.... " And the text went on about that. Sheesh, I can't believe its overarching presence, it even found me on the summit!!!

Since legal research is here to follow me, might as well complement it. I shall next provide you with a breadcramp trail showing how my tramp went:

Summit > lunch > headed down > explored some caves and tunnels and mines > saw the glow warms in a pitch-dark cave > felt a sense of comfort > went to a river and some went swimming/diving > met really nice people through the trip > trekked back to the car park > had takeaways > drove back to the city

Oh, and coincidentally, I met someone who is from Alexander! The small lil town we went mountain biking the other time. I never expected meeting someone from that small lil town up North in Auckland, neither did he expect meeting someone who have actually been there before. Then again, if the world is small, how big can New Zealand really be?

Huiling screams for help.. no, time!

2009-03-28T17:17:00.003+08:00

#$%^&*!!!!!!
I just uncovered a horrible, life-threatening truth... I'm in fact 100 pages behind my readings when I thought I was 10 pages ahead!!!!

Like wt#$%^&*!!!? I feel so cheated!!!!

Ok, breathe Huiling, breathe. Ok I spent last week doing applications and minimal readings. I took a look at my calendar and gasped, 'Why are there so many orange squares!!! (means assignments deadlines or some random activity)'.

Friday was spent getting stuff for our tramping trip on Sunday which is tomorrow. Its from 8am to 8pm, and I foresee I will obviously get no work done tomorrow. Which means I've to work like a machine today. I did my legal research, did minimal Econs catch-up, rushed to New Market to get my charger, did the housework and laundry, dinner and here I am playing another round of catch-up.

I'm supposed to have an early night, just so I survive tomorrow. But hell! The shit load of work just keeps piling its gonna topple on me soon! If not, now! AH!

The feeling of being cheated is true when
You spent a day reading something boring and difficult,
you tell yourself to persevere because you are getting ahead of everyone else,
you encourage yourself every time you flip a page,
you feel the huge sense of satisfaction when you are convinced that you are no longer lagging behind,
and then you refer to your notes and realise you are actually 100 pages behind.

S
C
R
E
A
M
S
!

I HATE YOU!!!!!!! *SCREAMS AND SHREDS AND TEARS AND CHOPS AND MINCES AND GRINDS AND DEEP-FRY MY COURSEBOOK AND EAT IT UP!!!

Argh. So what, I like being a spoilt and whiny brat. *snorts.

19

2009-03-24T18:20:00.001+08:00

I am 19.
People tell me that.
And you should believe that.

Interview

2009-03-21T11:45:00.003+08:00

Interviewer: 'So what would be your greatest challenge joining us?'
Me: 'My mom. No, I'm serious!'

Interviewer: 'So do you have any questions to ask us?'
Me: 'Am I in?'

Interviewer: 'How are you going to communicate with your colleagues in a new country?'
Me: 'I talk'

I've a track record of unimpressive replies during interviews.

Interviewer: 'What do you know about PR?'
Me: 'Uh.. advertising?'

But I thought they looked tired and bored after a full day of interviews so I decided to tweak my answers a lil, just to do them a favour of making it more entertaining. Ok, fine, I admit, I did not prepare for this interview. And I, of course, have valid reasons (not excuses, mind you).

I have always thank APPLE for its greatest gift to me - a MacBookPro which have never died on me during my past 3 years in NZ. Even if it decides that it can no longer take my nonsense, it is still considerate and sensible to malfunction only when I'm in Singapore (i.e. neglecting it). I always imagined the nightmarish consequences of it breaking down during my school term - all my precioous notes would be gone, my primary form of communication with the world would disappear, and I would obviously be very upset.

Having already a very bad week, I woke up to a dead charger. The insulator of the wire has been burnt and it could no longer charge my laptop. I panicked, cursed, freaked out by the thought of not having my laptop the next few days, and started making phonecalls seeking help. After a whole round of frustrating calls, I managed to find out where can I get it replaced (for free - with a huge sigh of relief because I got the Apple-care Plan). Still peeved by the fact that I can't get the work I expected myself to complete in the morning done, I trudged towards the Uni bus-stop lugging the heavy laptop. Waited for 40min for the bus (I suspect it travels at 20km/hr) and did not alight at the right bus-stop. Walked back to the store and loaned a charger while they get mine replaced. Since I've paid a dollar sixty to get there, might as well pick up some groceries since the bus-stop ain't that far from my apartment.

Bad.idea. Not as if my laptop wasn't heavy enough, I went for a grocery-shopping-spree and got more than what I could finish in a week. Fast-forward - the bus conductor confirmed that he was stopping at the University (he meant AUT, I meant UOA). Sensing something amiss after passing AUT and going up Queens St, I double checked with him and to my horror, he said he already passed the University. I wanted to knock his head with my chicken wings. ARGHHHHHH......

I got down at K-Road with my groceries and laptop, cursing like no other and started my treacherous, long journey home. Occasionally, I sit along the streets, take out my laptop and watch a couple of videos and pick some tomatoes out of my grocery bags and munch on it. (Ok, I'm joking, I'm not that retarded, its just to emphasize that the journey home was long).

Yes, I reached home, dead tired with the whole morning gone. How often do I actually wake up at 8am in a weekend morning determined to get some work done?!? Almost never! ARGH! Straight after I got dressed for the interview and there goes my precious Saturday. I got so much pent-up emotions this week, I wanna roar!

2009-03-20T16:33:00.003+08:00

My blog has been neglected and is becoming a lil depressing... I shall and must focus on the less-disheartening stuff...

Australia
I've been planning my trip to Australia during the inter-semester break. Got the accommodation settled, thanks to Joseph, Kaelyn and Yan (Adelaide, Sydney and Melbourne). This is gonna be a really budgeted trip, mainly to breathe and relax. No concrete plans yet but most probably just day trips around the city and galleries, hopefully a performance in the Sydney Opera House, travel by rail from Adelaide to Melbourne, surfing at Bondi Beach and just wandering around.

Ukraine
It was a random decision I made. I was contemplating to apply for internships in NZ over the summer because I know it will be a very good learning experience. But, I do feel a lil reluctant, thinking that I'm always spending my holidays working. Not that I don't enjoy it, but its also true that I'm gonna work the next 30 or more years! I know an internship is definitely gonna give me a leg-up during my career-searching period, but I realized I've been hard-out in this aspect for quite some time. I might not have the luxury of time to travel next time - and what the hell, I rather that experience. (Although its very very very tough for me to give up the idea of working in a big company- then again, I might not get it) So yes, I decided that doing projects in Ukraine sounds more exciting than doing an internship in NZ (we get paid too) so...why not? Looks equally good on your CV, if that matters.

Haven't done anything impulsive lately and I'm getting a lil bored, frustrated, restless, dismal, somber and whatever upsetting feelings you can think off. Ok, so off I go for an interview tomorrow. I dropped that bomb to my mom last night and the rest of the conversation went on like this: "No, you are not going" and "I don't care, I am going". Then again, what are the chances of actually getting in? Not high. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Millenium Development Goals
I went for a talk by Salil Shetty, the Director of the UN Millenium Campaign, speaking about the progresses and challenges of poverty reduction made by the Millenium Development Goals. In his current role, he is one of the world's leading advocates for governments keep their MDG pledges to the developing world.

I wasn't extremely keen on going for his talk initially because what was going in my mind was this: Oh no, not another activist! I can imagine him going on about how great is their cause, how successful they are and blah blah blah. Then again, I do know stuff about this issue and I thought hearing what he had to say might bring more insights. So we went for the talk which started at a-not-very-early hour of 8pm (It was a very long school day and I was dead tired by 6pm). Ok admittedly, I was struggling to keep awake. Not that he was boring or anything, but you've no idea how tired I was. I poured sweets and water down my throat and opened my eyes as big as I possibly can. Finally, I got through the nodding off stage and could devote my attention to him.

I wasn't as inspired as my friend was after the talk, I'm quite skeptical about such va va voom goals and ideals. The speaker himself know the extreme obstacles they face. But at least, it reminded me of my younger days. I was really into this cause, alleviating poverty so to speak. I read heaps on it, had the desire to do something about it, came up with huge personal plans which I never really told anyone just to save myself from being labeled crazy. But as you grow up, you kinda see another side of the world, some people say that its "growing up" and it seems like skepticism is directly proportionate to it.

I'm terrified when my friend made this comment on me: I didn't know you are such an activist, Huiling (when she realized I joined the ONE campaign many years back). I immediately shot back, 'I'm NOT!' I don't want to look idealistic, I like to maintain that neutral position. Being neutral in the sense of not expecting huge goals to be fulfilled - its different from not wanting to help. But I guess, activists do have their use - if not for their persistent drive and dedication to a certain cause, I reckon much less would be done. I wonder what happened to that strong belief I had a few years back.

Anyway, I'm still not convinced how all these systems of funding/charity/schemes work effectively.

2009-03-13T20:39:00.001+08:00

why and how

2009-03-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

It has been tough.

Updates!

2009-02-20T10:39:00.004+08:00

And so my internship stint with WongPartnership has ended. That means I'm leaving for NZ soon!
Everyone's been leaving the past week - my bro, yan, Lisa, Joseph and more to come.

This hols have been one of the longest, the last 2 hols were spent traveling but not this - I've been in Singapore most of the time. Lets all blame it on the recession! Disgruntled by the missed opportunity, I'm planning a vacation in Australia this July! Whether it would materialize is still a question mark, but...at least I took the first step in exchanging for Aussie dollars hahaha, cheap thrill.

I've done 2 or 3 internships this summer, depending on how you see it. All of which are from different industries. ICON is a small company but has a strong and diverse client base. It has nothing to do with what I'm studying. Their main business is strategic communications and deals a lot with the media. People from that field are really...one of a kind. They seem very willing and at ease in giving me work. I reckon thats one of the plus points in working in a small company - they allow you to deal with their clients directly and you're able to participate in their meetings. Not that they care less about their reputation, just that they are not as anal as big companies haha.

C.S. Choong is an accounting firm. I'm supposed to do 'legal research' but oh wells... its related to accounting concepts. To put it in a better way, its understanding accounting concepts from legal judgments. In conclusion, I'm still adamant that I really do not like accounting.

WongPartnership is one of the biggest local law firms. Because it is huge and has its reputation to safeguard, we apprenticed interns are the wastrel of the firm. We raid the pantry more than a few times in the day, we hang out in the toilet, improve our act-hardworking skills, tour around the firm, awing at the scenary, trying ways to get our hands on the foosball in the recreational room and...socialize. It was fun knowing the rest of the interns and extremely exciting and nerve wrecking when work gets on your hands.

That wraps up my internship. Of course, hols are not all about working. There are still meet ups and gatherings. Sadly, I hardly get any photos because I do not have a camera. And some take f.o.r.e.v.e.r to upload it on fb. I've also started learning the piano, read a lil on finance, read a lot on merger and acquisitions, companies and blah blah blah - though I'm slowly shifting my focus away from that.

Gosh, I ate so much last night and this morning I had a really bad stomachache...I.shall.go.for.a.swim.later.

2009-02-05T22:10:00.002+08:00

I meant to blog something longer... but...headache.
Basically work started yesterday at WongPartnership and I'm under the Corporate Mergers and Acquisitions Department.
The office is huge and I'm perpetually lost. Ok too tired to continue. I've been having the craziest dreams these past few nights.
Hope to see you momos soon!

The lil one

2009-01-30T12:24:00.010+08:00

I did not like kids because I'm scared of them. All they know is to:

cry
Cry
AND CRY

And they are tiny, fragile, shivery and frangible...

I concluded that I should stay far from them. Don't go near them and they won't cry. Don't touch them and they won't break. So I happily led 21 years of my life without carrying any of my lil cousins or babies or toddlers or whatever which seems fragile to me.

Then came my aunt's daughter. Her name is Qiao Wen (Mandarin) or Hao Mun (Cantonese). My family calls her Mun Mun. Gosh, she is the cutest thing on earth! I finally see this side of babies/toddlers:
so delightful
so adorable
SO CUTE!

She is 16 months old, extremely intelligent and joyful. She hardly cries, very sociable, laughs a lot, very responsive, dances, kisses, walks, and rolls. Haha I know she doesn't like me that much though. My aunt always points to me and tell her 'Jie Jie huai dan' because apparently I 'bullied' her. But thats not true, its my way of teaching her! Good lessons are hard to learn =) Nonetheless I still love her! Buahahhahahahahahahaahha I'm going to get her a nice new dress from Pumpkin Patch and she will love me to bits the next time she sees me.

Jo! Wq! Sl! Hurry! Give birth! Your kids' Godmom is waiting!!! I will take extremely good care of them, and shower them with lotsa love, care, concern and toys! I got 4 days baby-sitting experience!

2009-01-23T17:31:00.003+08:00

.......................................................................
My Boss spent 99% of the previous meeting trying to persuade me into changing my major back to Accountancy.

Unbelievable.

I don't know what made him so determined to 'convert' me. After half an hour of preaching about the benefits of an Accounting degree, I still showed no signs of interest. Seeing that I am adamant about even considering the switch, he offered to teach me and blah blah blah...

Rahhh...don't make me even more confused with my already confusing choices. Greedy momo is always tempted to learn everything.

I like my 'jobless' days. Its not going to last long but at least there is a short break. Well, it hasn't really started actually. It will after I return from Malaysia, I hope - thats if I don't get dragged to my parents office. I finally started reading a couple of books which I've felt like reading for awhile. Not business-related, not law-related, just purely for enjoyment. It feels good, it feels somewhat comforting.

Haha random but the girl I tutored got into law! Yay! Pretty satisfying.

The Missing Piece

2009-01-20T12:13:00.009+08:00

Sometimes I'm so certain of my goal in life. I'm convinced that work brings me joy and satisfaction - its indisputable that a successful career is what I aim for. Business/Law books/notes are scattered on my table. Business proposals, C.V.s, business-related stuff are what I've been reading the past month. I really do enjoy them, but at the same time, I've unknowingly let other things in life slip by. Regret, that is what they call it. I try not to have that feeling in me - its something haunting and recurring. But more often than not, it happens.

Things have never really changed ever since grandmom passed. My family is emotionally 'strong'. In other words, we deal with our emotions internally, hardly showing a tinge of sadness. According to either the Taoist or Buddhist (I still can't figure out which one it is) belief, the deceased's loved ones should not let their tears fall into the coffin. They believe that the deceased must reincarnate within 49 days, if not they will become wandering spirits. As such, they told us not to grieve too much else she will not bear to leave this world.

Similar to my granddad's funeral, not many cried. Not because they are not missed or loved but its just because how the family is. I totally didn't have a problem with that because we all know how much the family respected my grandmom. She was someone many have high regards for. She had the wisdom, the knowledge, the heart and the abilities. Her passing was unexpected and largely due to a medical misadventure which enraged my dad.

Personally, I haven't really allowed time to think about it. I'm not ashamed to say that I hardly cried during the funeral (just like the time my maternal grandmom passed). My dad thinks I'm apathetic and gave me a long lecture about the importance of family ties. I see no point in it. People have different ways in dealing with situations. I block my emotions when I'm with a crowd, I just do what I'm supposed to do and will do what I need to do when I'm in my comfort zone. Sad to say, not everyone realizes this. My cousin who recently converted to Christianity was the subject of criticism that day. To be fair, there isn't an absolute right or wrong in this case. The family had no problems with him converting, rather, they encouraged it. But they felt that he was disrespectful towards my grandmom for not praying to her (using the incense). Either way he is going to be labeled as being disrespectful - the only difference is to who - my grandmom or his god. Its pretty sad because nobody sees the struggles he faced and I guess its easy to conclude that he is unfilial. He is not, he really isn't - I saw him cried during the funeral. Through the years I've noticed him gradually withdrawing from the family as his life spiraled into oblivion. He always remained stoical when he is with us and one could imagine how much my grandmom's passing must have saddened him for him to even shed a tear in front of us.

Have we been too caught up with assessing people's actions and words?

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

We play our roles, we act as how our role requires - a daughter, son, father, mother, brother, sister, husband, wife, employer, employee etc. We change as our roles change and how many sides of a person can you really catch? Sometimes it might be a lil better if we could stop trying to analyze a person but feel for him. Actions and words can be misleading, feel and you might understand him better.

Events like this force me to reassess my priorities and goals.
Was it something just to sustain myself?

Music

2009-01-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

I spent this afternoon searching for a music school. I later told my dad that I am going to learn the guitar and piano.

He said, "toes are laughing."
-__________-"
I wanted to remind him that he said the similar thing the other time I told him that I was going to sell my notes.

But whatever it is, I'm so excited! Finally! I've made the first step towards playing this ridiculously long list of songs I've compiled! Hopefully I'll progress from there onwards.

2009-01-10T16:38:00.003+08:00

I finally quit my job

2009-01-07T23:43:00.000+08:00

so.screwed.

2009-01-07T09:59:00.000+08:00

my disturbing dreams

WONGPARTNERSHIP!!!

2009-01-05T17:00:00.002+08:00

I GOT THE INTERNSHIP WITH WONGPARTNERSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.wongpartnership.com.sg/index.htm

BAUUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHA
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

HOOOOYYYAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAN'T WAIT MAN!!!!
MY LOVELY RAFFLES PLACE HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chill leh!

2009-01-02T21:46:00.004+08:00

And when I thought I could chill at home after gym today...

I got a job offer!

It was really random and extempore

I rushed down to Tanjong Pagar (!!!!! THAT PLACE AGAIN!!!!) and we met to discuss the jobscope and stuff. I was a lil hesitant taking it up because I'm still holding on to my current internship and a couple of pending ones. But I know the pending ones have the possibility of remaining pending forever and as the discussion lengthens, I knew I had to take it up, just because

1) He knows that I'm working in the day so its a take-home project. I do not need to work in the office. (YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2) Its about law. To be specific, its white collar criminal law. The case seems interesting. And since its P&C, it makes it even more.... alluring!

3) Access to certain documents. I know I won't really be restricted in any ways if I work on this case, so its gonna be a bloody good learning experience (I hope!).

But the downside is...

Damn...I can never escape frm accounting, can I? Heaps and heaps of accounting terms. But thankfully, I understand the basic stuff...I reckon it will make the research a lil less painful. When I was browsing through the judgment, I saw IAS, FRS and stuff like that. OMG, weren't those which freaked me out 2 semesters ago! But its alright, as long as I do not need to do those journal entries and blah blah blah I should be able to survive.

And another downside of it is... I'll be working way more than before. Work in December was kinda slack but everything will be picking up in January. With this coming in, uh...my nights are more or less gone. So! I'm determined to quit the current one! Woohooo... ! Can rest more, can slack around, yet doing some work.

Its Saturday tomorrow, a day which I thought I was just going to chill just like I thought I would today. But, he gave me this stack of documents to read tonight... and another briefing tomorrow.

I'm gonna harness my supersonic reading skills and finish it up and save my supposedly restful weekend! I almost forgot the fact that life is not all about working!

I hope things will get better...
She is so clear of her directions, yet she is lost in the moment.

Wiped out

2009-01-02T00:14:00.003+08:00

I never really believe in making New Year resolutions - because I believe in constant purposefulness.

But its always important to look back and understand, accept, learn and try being better.

Finally, I made an effort to clear up my cellphone's inbox as I was waiting for my parents to pick me up. My inbox was exploding with close to 1000 texts... and as I was deleting them, the somewhat familiar yet distant memories started flooding in. It pretty much wrapped up 2008. Everything seems clearer, and hindsight is definitely better than foresight.

Draining is the word to describe 2008. Looking back, I can't believe I pulled through the last 3 years. They have been the shortest yet most intensive years in my life. I've always thought that I won't be able to make it through another similar year, but it somehow happens even if its tougher. I guess thats how humans are - they somehow just suck it up and make it through if they have no choice. After awhile, you realize thats just the way it is and slowly, start making the best out of it.

2009 somehow feels intimidating. Nightmares after nightmares about NZ recently, I don't exactly know why too. I know its going to be a tough year ahead, that being due to various reasons. Yet its also another year worth giving a shot.

But before anything, I really, really, really think I have to give myself a break. I've been running on...I-don't-know-what for so long, I can't seem to stop. I thought I was wiped out in Semester 2 but it has been accumulating ever since. I'm just so excited about everything, wanting to give everything a shot (like the previous post) such that I perpetually feel tired. So...... ta-da! After gym tomorrow, I'll go home and chill.

For the next few days, I will avoid town and avoid reading. Chill out, outdoors and....rest.

High on Adrenaline

2008-12-31T09:30:00.006+08:00

Oh shit! I got sooo freaking many things I wanna do I'm getting high on adrenaline even before I've done anything!!!

Yesterday I started checking airfares.

And I still want to learn about finance
And I still want to learn about social business
And I still want to learn guitar/piano
And I still want to go for the walk
And I still want to go and sing k
And I still want to go to a xxx xxxx hahahahahah
And I still want to go Timbre/Wala Wala
And I still want to get that bloody internship
And I still have not confirm my pro bono attachment
And I still have not read my stuff
And I still have not met up with a few people
And shit! I FOUND SOMETHING ELSE WHICH INTERESTS ME AGAIN!!!!

BRYAN CAVE. Freak!!! NOW THIS IS THE PLACE I WANNA WORK (TOO)!!!
It sounds real good. Check this out:

Bryan Cave is a leader in corporate, transactional and litigation representation with more than 1,000 lawyers and other consulting professionals practicing from 22 offices around the world.Bryan Cave advises a wide array of businesses, financial institutions, not-for-profit organizations, governmental entities and individuals

Yeah that sounds law-ish. I like it, but I know I can't go that far in that area. BUT BUT BUT!

What I am interested is this:

Bryan Cave International Trade LLC

Bryan Cave International Trade LLC ("BCIT") is a consulting firm of non-lawyer professionals and a wholly-owned subsidiary of Bryan Cave LLP. As a trade and customs consultancy based in Asia, BCIT is well-positioned to provide clients with the strategic and operational advice needed to anticipate, react to and benefit from the diverse and constantly evolving regulatory landscape of the Asian region.

Bryan Cave Strategies LLC

Bryan Cave Strategies LLC is another wholly-owned subsidiary of Bryan Cave LLP. Bryan Cave Strategies provides government relations and strategic counsel to corporations, trade associations and non-profit organizations. For clients facing a public affairs battle or difficult public policy climate, Bryan Cave Strategies designs and manages effective issue and legislative campaigns that produce winning results.

BUAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SOUNDS LIKE WHAT I WANT!!! AND CHECK THIS OUT TOO:

Its partners include former US Senators Jack Danforth and Alan Dixon, former New York Mayor Ed Koch and Charles Burson, former Attorney General of Indiana and Tennessee and former Counsel to Vice-President Al Gore.

Bryan Cave consistently ranks in Vault's Top 100 Most Prestigious firms and in The AmLaw 100.

Damnit, if I can get my hands on an internship with them (BCIT is located in Singapore)...MUAHAHAHHAHAA

Sheesshhh didn't I just told myself that I don't wanna work anymore?! Rahhhhh!!!!! WHY.AM.I.INTERESTED.IN.SO.MANY.THINGS!!!! Focus Huiling, focus!!!
Must.stop.reading.else.this.will.never.end.

But then again, if you are not interested in the world, the world will not be interested in you.

This week is gonna be awesome!!!! Half day today, 2 more hours before I get outta office!

I meant to update my blog but I somehow trailed off a lil. Hahaha then again, I should start editing my CV before work ends. Call me crazy but, I am going to give it a shot.

OK! A brief update!
8/12 - Shing's birthday
10/12 - Media night
11/12 - Chin Hao's birthday
12/12 - Benice and Guixian
13/12 - Jo and Xiulu
15/12 - Meiping
16/12 - Carol
17/12 - Can't remember
18/12 - Can't remember
19/12 - Platoon dinner, Timbre
20/12 - Jason's house, Madalene's birthday
21/12 - Christmas function
22/12 - Yan's house
23/12 - Mom erupted
24/12 - Jaime's birthday
25-28/12 - Malaysia
29/12 - Jaime, Benice and Timbre
30/12 - Jo and Jen
31/12 - Jo and Xl and mp

HAHHAHA I'm going to bring mp for her first clubbing experience at a gay club! BUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHA
HAhahahhHAHHAHah
HAhahahHAHHAha
HAHahhahHAH
HAhahhahH
ahhahahH
hahah
ahha
ha
a

Can't wait for tomorrow!!!!

2008-12-23T15:06:00.000+08:00

xian.

2008-12-18T13:16:00.002+08:00

Always sleepy.

2008-12-17T23:45:00.009+08:00

So.tired.so.tired.so.tired.so.tired.till.I.wanna.collapse.

I.keep.getting.stomachaches.every.night.and.morning.
for.a.week.so.painful.so.painful.till.I.wanna.faint.

Anyone.who.is.free.for.lunch.can.come.and.find.me.at.Tanjong.Pagar.

Come.Friday.come!

She who knows the price of everything, knows the value of nothing.

2008-12-15T23:05:00.004+08:00

Aiya, fuck it. They didn't even consider granting me a concession after I tried convincing them that my work experience, track record and attitude were enough to warrant that freaking 0.1 mark. So, I'm not going to waste my time arguing with them (Until I get back there and personally knock on their door).

Instead, I've set my eyes on something more exciting and worthy of my time. MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAhAHAHAHAHHAHA
Then again, I'm still waiting for a positive reply. Everyone chants after me: *Huiling can get it, Huiling can get it, Huiling can get it....

I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL THE CHRISTMAS PARTIES!!! YAY!!!!!!!

DO YOU KNOW?

2008-12-15T00:52:00.005+08:00

I really love music.
I really really really do.

My iPod is a must-have item in my bag - I can't wait to plug-in before or after work.
I can never say enough about how much I love music and I'm pretty upset that I have not started learning the piano/guitar.

Anyway, I'm lovin' my current play list now. Check it out:

Fall for you - Secondhand Serenade
Run - Leona Lewis
The Heart of Life - John Mayer
Wherever you will go - The Calling
Time after Time - Eva Cassidy
If I were a Boy - Beyonce
Time is running out - Muse
Warwick Avenue - Duffy

I am really hooked onto 'Fall for you'. Listen to the piano!!!! I really regretted giving up piano when I was younger.

I MUST HAVE THE BEST SOUND SYSTEM in my future home. With a white grand piano. RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm going to buy damn good speakers with woofer using my first pay and bring it back to NZ. WOOHOO! I can imagine me lying on my comfy bed listening to whatever I've downloaded. BUAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA

Oh, I remembered using my first pay to buy my current iPod video too! It was totally a worthwhile investment. I really feel like going K now haha.

DO YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE THE PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A see-how-much-you-can-read Post

2008-12-13T10:57:00.010+08:00

Hmm...where should I start...

Work
My current internship has been pretty...intriguing and entertaining - in many different ways. Haha. The Public Relations field is full of... interesting people. The people I have been working with are very different from those who I have worked with. Don't get me wrong, they are a nice bunch, enjoy fun, food, work and life. Since its an Australian based company, and also because of the nature of the job, they are largely westernized and have a strong aesthetic sense.

Anyway, I had a unique opportunity last Wednesday to go for a fine dining experience. Our clients are chefs who specialize in traditional Italian and French cuisine. We held an editorial night for them and invited journalists and editors from the media for a culinary experience - hoping in return they would feature our clients on their specific publication.

It was a 4-course dinner with Beetroot with caramelized onions, Aglio Olio, Osso Bucco (amazingly delicious) and Tomato sorbet & Basil panna cotta. Each course was served with an appropriate wine to supposedly complement the taste of each course. If you don't already know, Huiling is a hopeless drinker yet eager to know how to drink, she took the risk of trying. First up was Champaign for the mingling session. Everyone was complementing how ______ (they practically exhausted all words possibly found in the dictionary to describe good wine) the Champaign was but when I tasted it, I was trying not to let my eyes pop out. Then there was Sauvignon Blanc (for Beetroot), Gewurztraminer (for Aglio Olio) , Shiraz (for Osso Bucco), and some ice wine for the Sorbet and Panna Cotta. I thought I was fine after taking in the somewhat negligible amount of wine but when I was on my way home, I could feel my world spinning.

Birthdays

Edmund's birthday at Costa Sands - the theme was 'geek'.

Ed, you put our friendship into test by making cool me dress like that. Hahhahaa.

I cannot stop laughing when I saw this picture. Look at Juan!!! Thats like...classic man!

And I felt damn cheated when I saw this! I thought we agreed to look blur in this photo (I must have misunderstood)! Gosh I look retarded.

Anyway, Happy 21st Birthday Ed! You've been a great pal, remarkably kind and nice, happy, and funny at the most unexpected time - I'm thankful having you as an ODAC mate!

May you have a happy and fulfilling year ahead. You might also consider playing less PS. Haha

Shingaling's birthday at Aranda Country Club - the theme was 'masquerade' (right?)

I don't see any photos uploaded on facebook yet so that got to wait. I reckon it should turn out well since we had really cool masks.

Her party became a traumatising night. The Odacians somehow got hold of The Scream's masks and that was seriously unnerving. They scared me sooooo many times. I wonder if there is bad blood between the Odac guys and me. Why must they always, unfailingly do something to me on everyone's birthday. I got splashed with water during Ed's and I got Taupoked during Shing's. HELLO WHERE GOT GUYS TAUPOK A GIRL ONE! Ok, the only 'welfare' I got before getting taupoked by around 5 guys was 1 pillow on top of me. Luckily the weight was concentrated on my legs and the person directly on top of me.

Predicting that I might get wet by the Odacians within the next hour, I ran for cover by going home! Nah la, I would have stayed over and have HTHTCOT (finally remember what that means) with them if not because I had work the next day.

It was fun, and heres to wish you a Happy 21st Birthday Shingaling! I shall not reiterate what I typed previously for Ed less you say I plagiarized. (Technically, I can't plagiarize what I wrote, can I?) Haha nah, but Shingaling, you really have been a great friend to ODAC. I think its apparent to all of us that you've put in much time and effort in keeping us together, and we thank you for that. ODAC is close to all of us yet we have to inevitably move on to the next phase of life. Despite all of that, I think we remain surprisingly close, and I think we owe majority of that to you. Thank you and may you be happy.

Chinhao's birthday at his own house

Again, I do not have any photos. I met Jo and Spenc at SengKang to walk to Chinhao's place. There, I met my JC classmates and finally, Shiling. We played Wacko and haha, its actually quite fun but very tiring because I kept losing. I honestly think I did not lose that many times. Doesn't mean that they cannot figure out which name I called means I did not call a name.

We left pretty early and Yekwai gave us a leave home. I am very sure ChinHao will never ever come across this blog but in view of consistency, I will still wish him a Happy 21st Birthday over here! (Haha I bet you guys think I am damn insincere. But not true, he really will never know this blog's existence)

University stuff
Ok, are you still with me after my droning paragraphs above? If so, good! Be prepared for more:
My results are all out - the ones I thought I would flunk did pretty well, the one which I thought I could score did exceptionally poor. I was so shock when I saw my contracts grade such that I did not even feel a tinge of sadness. I was boiling mad - I don't understand which part could have gone wrong, even if I did, was it that serious to warrant a B-!!! My tests grades were above average, I studied exceptionally hard for it, I enjoyed the paper, I came out of the examination hall feeling confident yet the final grade could not even reflect anything similar to that! I kept refreshing the window thinking that they must have made a mistake in the grades and maybe correct it thereafter but they never did so I finally resigned to that grade.

BUT to my anger yesterday, I realized I was 0.1 mark from getting honours. This was what i received from my course adviser:

Dear Huiling,

All students who completed Part II in 2008 and get the GPA >= 75 (B+) will be invited into Honours Programme.

Unfortunately, you are not eligible this year. Your GPA is 74.90, slightly lower than the requirement. As the number of invitations is limited, we just invite students with GPA: sharply 75 up.

0.1 MARK! I AM THAT CLOSE!!! Its not even HALF A MARK! I could not let Honours go just like that. So I spent 2 hours coming up with an email to persuade her that she should let me get into the programme. It was a page long, telling her how much I wanna do it and blah blah blah. Thank god I got an appraisal from the previous law firm I worked with last year which hopefully would be of some use. Seriously, after all the reasons I have given her to just overlook a mere 0.1 mark, and if she still refuses to let me in, I have nothing to say.

Also, I received an email from the partner of WP saying that they have significantly reduced the internship places this January (Carol said many other law firms have been cutting down a lot on pupillage and internship places too, probably because of the economy). But from what I've gathered from his email was that I needed to prove to him that 1) I am intending to work as a lawyer in Singapore after I graduate. 2) My conjoint degree is recognized in Singapore. 3) The route I have to take to sit for the bar in Singapore.

Sigh, it seems as though I could have a chance to work with them if not for the economy. There is still a slim possibility since he bothered replying and a pretty long one too. Plus he is one of the partners there and hopefully he can see my desire to work with them. Fingers cross - I've already sent an email to check with the Dean and law society to confirm the relevance of my degrees. I hope I'm able to get 2 good news this coming Monday.

Family
Are you still with me? Woa, I'm impressed. Haha.
My mom confiscated my Sim card yesterday for no apparent reason. She probably quarreled with Dad and decided to vent her anger. Since I was late for work, I left the sim card on the table and ran off to work. I was supposed to meet Carol for lunch but without my sim card in my mobile, I can't retrieve anyone's number. So during lunch, I rushed to the nearest convenience store to get a prepaid card. 7/11 required my ID which I didn't have on me so I thought going directly to the Starhub retail store would be able to solve that problem.

I took a train down to Raffles Place (nearest Starhub) and tried buying off them. Unable to contact Carol, I started panicking and that darn sales person was moving 1/2 the speed of any average person. I asked impatiently if that was the place to buy a Sim Card and he said yes but I have to wait because he is meddling with some stupid system. I flared up and demanded to buy it immediately because I was needed to contact people urgently and I have to get back to work soon. He then asked for my ID and I said I have none. He thinks I'm a foreigner and said that he can't sell it to me based on IDA requirements. I started 'quarreling' with him, and narrated how I came all the way from Tanjong Pagar and blah blah blah. Saying that its ridiculous because I can't get any contacts out of my phone. I was so frustrated and said, ' SO HOW?! If you don't want to sell it to me, how am I going to get my contacts out of my phone?! How to call? HUH? This is ridiculous you know. I take a train from Tanjong Pagar and I have to rush back for work now. This is urgent. I NEED TO CALL NOW.' If you know me, I am not usually like that and would not be that confrontational to people who are just doing their job. But I was so agitated then - thinking that if my mom wasn't in her crazy mood, I wouldn't have to go through all that trouble. At last that guy lent me his sim card so I could retrieve the numbers. That wasn't the end but its too long to type. Anyhows, my 1 hour launch break became a 1hour marathon.

Ok, I really should end. Haha else I would go on and on and on about soo many other stuff. But basically, I have learned a lot this year. A lot, which I hope I would remember and stay with it.

concealed

2008-11-27T13:44:00.000+08:00

2008-11-23T18:23:00.003+08:00

Finally, access to the internet!
Gosh, it has been nothing but inconvenient without the internet and where else to leech it from but Jo's hall. This is my 3rd time here ever since my return, mainly to do up my CV and probably/hopefully to watch her study.

Just came back from cruise this morning - pretty boring yet pretty interesting in some sense. Ok, Dad just called and I better get going. He says I'm nomadic and I better appear in front of them more often before I get barred from going out.

2008-11-16T12:26:00.001+08:00

And when I thought everything would turn out fine, everything came crashing down.

Time after time - The feeling of being discredited

2008-11-15T21:28:00.005+08:00

Luck vs Hard work
What proportion of your success is based on luck and what is based on your own hard work?
Basically, how much of it is deservingly yours, how much of it can you claim credit for?

Sometimes you can go on about how the world is unfair and whinge about the 'if onlys', sometimes you work your ass off and all you get is a dismissal because your success supposedly flowed from your 'luck', your 'connections' and blah blah blah - anything but your hardwork.
Sometimes they say the apple never falls far from the tree. Maybe what I have now is only because of what my family have given me.

Yes, luck is significant but hard work is essential. I do not deny how luck can make a difference but I am adamant that hard work balances it out. Luck tilts the balance, robs some from certain opportunities but hard work and determination makes them available again. Although I must agree that the amount may be disproportionate at times.

Yeah, I know many might think: what do you know? Your life has been pretty smooth-sailing. I may not know all that much but I am no stranger to hard work. I have worked my ass off through my life to fight for what I want - whether you see it or not - because I believe that even if I might have lost in intelligence, in wealth, in looks etc which are not within my control, there is still something which might be able to push me through. And you know what I think the best thing is? This gem is available for everyone, its only whether you want to seize it. The doors are never all close, its always up to you to decide if you want to utilize your determination and hard work. Its not others' fault that they are doing better than you, maybe you have not done what you could have.

When others do rise above you, yeah, they might have been luckier but not just lucky. More often than not you do not see the hard work that they have gone through. Some conceal it on purpose, some just do not boast about it but whatever it is, do give credit to them. Because as lucky as they can get, they are nothing without some effort put into it.

The feeling of being discredited is never good. Be a lil nicer and award them with what they deserve. They might have been lucky, but what are the chances of always being lucky. There should be something more than that. Maybe it is hard work.

Time after time

Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback
Warm nights almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear what you've said
Then you say: "Go slow."
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

You say: "Go slow."
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

Reflections I

2008-11-14T16:43:00.003+08:00

Its definitely not the most appropriate time to be doing this on the eve of my final paper but I think I can afford to, considering that I'm almost done with revision and the myriad thoughts in my mind have been nothing but distracting.

Responsibility vs Personality
I think people often get away with stuff using the excuse that 'this is who I am' and the other party, without thinking might just accept it thinking thats just she/he, it is an inherent personality which she/he can't change and we shouldn't interfere with it.

But wait a minute, isn't it too easy for him/her? To brush his/her responsibility off just because 'that is just me'. Damnit, I can easily be a bitch and maybe later pretend to be apologetic and pretend to feel helpless for what I've done because 'that is just me'.

Come on, it can't be that easy, there must be something called responsibility to tilt the scale back to balance. Sadly, responsibility isn't an inherent personality for everyone. Its subjective and some smugs would probably go on and on about them being responsible in this and that when in actual fact, they are nothing close to that.

Responsibility isn't something you talk about or show. Its something which flows from what you do. Its not something you think you are, its something people say you are. It is not gauge by you but by a reasonable standard. (I really do not like to bring in that law-ish test but I think that is most fitting)

In short, you cannot be certain that you are responsible just because you think you are. You might be sometimes but that doesn't apply to all situations. And, you act because thats the way you are ain't the best reason to explain what you have done - its really an artificial excuse which provides no justification in your actions. Alright, maybe it does a lil, but still, there is something called self-control. I can't go around murdering anyone I hate just because 'thats the way I am' - you don't expect yourself to be acquitted with that 'defence'. There is something called self-control which people practise to keep things in order. You do not own the world and your actions do not contain to yourself. As much as you want to stay true to yourself, you got to know you are not alone in this world. And as much as you said you've practised self-control and are indeed, a responsible person, look around to see the consequences of what you've done before claiming that.

Again, its all about the balance.
Do you have that? Or was it something you thought you had?

2008-11-13T11:56:00.006+08:00

Each person is at each moment capable of remembering all that has happened to him and of perceiving everything that is happening everywhere in the universe. The function of the brain and nervous system is to protect us from being overwhelmed and confused by this mass of largely useless and irrelevant knowledge, by shutting out most of it. According to such a theory, each of us is potentially Mind at Large.

2008-11-12T18:16:00.001+08:00

Nah, I changed my mind. Must stop whinging and grow up.

The Phantom of the Opera was really impressive.

As lazy as Huiling

2008-11-10T17:13:00.002+08:00

HOOYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am done with Contracts, Macroeconomics and Torts!
HOOOOYYYAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

I'm relieved that its over not because I do not like them just that it was the most hellish/traumatizing/stressful/draining exams I ever took in my entire life. Not kidding.

When I saw my exam timetable, I knew I was gone:
6/11 Law of Contract (2:15pm - 5:30pm)
7/11 Macroeconomics (9:15am - 12:30pm)
8/11 Law of Torts (2:15pm - 5:30pm)

What perfect dates - to squeeze my 3 core papers in 3 days, 2 out of which are full year papers. So.not.funny. Still trying to be ambitious, I was determined to read all my cases (~500 pages for torts, ~400 pages for contracts). I became a hermit the week preceding the exams, never stepping out of the house. The housework accumulated, the toilet paper and food depleted but Momo was flustered, trying to save her sorry ass by cramming and churning out pages and pages and pages of notes - almost finishing 1 cartridge of ink within a day.

As usual, my time management skills were far from perfect. Rather, I was (also as usual) too stubborn to just read the damn summarized notes. I spent practically ALL my time on contracts, allocating close to nothing for Torts and Econs. I felt that contracts was too important to neglect or do badly, a challenging paper thus a good test of ability, I like it, I like my lecturer, and I attended quite a bit of lectures for it. It was a bad choice I know because the subsequent days after contracts were seriously LIKE HELL and I have never felt so tired/desperate/hopeless/helpless etc before. But then again, I know if given another chance, based on my character, I would have done the same so no regrets.

Basically, after contracts I was beaten and the thought of having to study Econs (freaking 11 topics) after a draining 3hour paper, within 1 night and drag myself early next morning to sit for the other paper was blooodddyyy demoralizing. The desire to do well in that paper adds further to the burden. Anyways, its beyond words to describe my frustrations. The table was acting like a magnet that night, pulling my head down and I finally gave in around 1plus 2am.

The second day of battle didn't come any easier. I was so tired during the exam I hardly put an effort to think. I was contemplating to sleep for half an hour during the paper and wake up later so I can have a lil more concentration but I was darn scared that I would oversleep so I pushed on. Uh, but I reached my maximum endurance level and left half an hour earlier. (I knew the worst is yet to come, I had to complete 1 year of torts within 1 day).

Ok, part 3 of the battle was by far the most horrid and traumatizing one. I have never cursed so much in my life, so afraid to fail yet so desperately wanted to do well. I remembered when I saw the pile of notes I had to read at 1am, tears welled up and I was on the verge of giving up. By then, I was already ridiculously tired after 1 week of slogging. Anyway, I cursed like no other and collapsed in bed at 2am, completing only unintentional torts. I woke up at ~8am the next morning and chionged intentional torts. O.M.G. it was so pressurizing I never knew that I could speed read THAT fast. I completed 6months worth of work in 4hours. Rested a lil and went through the structure and format of the exam and off I went, feeling like I'm 1% prepared.

But it didn't go all that badly, or rather, thats what I think, you never know till the results are out. I might have addressed the wrong issues and totally screw it up but something to be proud of is... I WROTE 30PAGES!!!

And after this whole traumatizing experience, I went to the High Court and voted for the very first time! I was a lil reluctant initially because I did not know about the electorates well enough to make a sound decision but then again, thats when democracy fails - when people like me any how vote. No lah, not really any how but not technically serious as well.

Next was spring cleaning. My apartment was FILTHY. It was sooo disgusting I had to clean something up even I was already half-dead. So I did till my back was screaming in pain and I ended my day watching some elections-related programme.

Ok the next 2 days, Huiling has been ridiculously lazy and greedy, so much so she refused to get out of her house although she had heaps of errands to run. Maybe because the house feels so clean now she must enjoy every bit of it before it gets dirty again. I woke up, ate rice and mushrooms stuffed with mincemeat for breakfast, an hour later, rice with egg and went back to sleep. Then we headed down to mission bay for ice cream and then I had tom yum for dinner. Next morning I woke up to have tom yum with rice and headed back to bed.

I am recovering.

Then again, I actually have not finished my exams. Haha.

This is just a dream

2008-10-30T15:23:00.010+08:00

d
e
p
r
e
s
s
e
d
.
What have you learned after 1 year of Torts?
Unless you want to fail, never enroll into an 8am stream.
My extremely desperate attempt to salvage my studies - I need a miracle.

[Edited 01:19 am] Reflection of helplessness
[Edited 02:00 am] K.O.ed
[Edited 05:59 pm] You know whats scary about law exams? When you realize that you can have all the resources in the world and 'cheat' by bringing them into the exam hall (open book) yet still running the risk of failing. ahhh.....
[Edited 09:18 pm] sobs.........
[Edited 11:02 pm] screams!!!!!
[Edited 01:06 am] help...help...help...so...tired...
[Edited 01:58 am] This is not a dream, this is a nightmare...
[Edited 03:02am] 1 cup of coffee, 4 cups of tea, 2 doses of supplements yet I'm barely awake... I don't look forward to the next few hours.

THE meme

2008-10-23T17:32:00.005+08:00

Being in an ultimate irritable mood today or rather everyday till the exams are over... I shall do as told by QQ (Shiqi, my new nick name for you, you know, like QQ rice!) - do the MEME test.
Before that, I wonder why is it called the MEME test - is it because its all about me, therefore sounding something like: ME! ME! Or maybe its just some cutesy name to attract more people into doing it. Or maybe its... hmm... ok... I know, stop asking, and just do it.

THE MEME (*gives the -___-" face) TEST

1. My ex is still:

Ex as in ex-boyfriend? Why...why is this test so cruel... to bring up my sad sad past which I've tried so hard in burying deep down my heart... oh my broken heart!!!

I don't have la. Hahaha!

2. I am listening to:

The Phantom of Opera by Sarah Brightman & Michael Crawford.

3. Maybe I should:

Stop eating so much.

4. I love:

Food, music, economics, law, outdoors, laughing at people, backpacking, my friends and family, art, pranks.

5. My best friend(s):

Allow me to abuse them.

6. I don’t understand:

A lot of things. You sure you want me to list it down? Really? Are you sure? Serious? Yeah, I knew it, I'll spare you that and summarize it to what Jo claims: the 5Ws and 1H on basically any or everything.

Where, When, What, Who, Why, How???

7. I lost:

My sanity.

8. People say:

Life sucks.

9. The meaning of my screen name is:

Experiencing and loving this sucky life.

10. Love is:

When you see that no matter how sucky this life can be, its still worth living.

11. Somewhere, someone is:

Conspiring to end the human race. And someone else is trying to save us.

12. I will always:

Wonder why, think of what to cook, think about my friends, think about what am I going to do in future, think about how am I going to make it in future, think about how can I get to backpack, think about every lil thing you can ever imagine.

13. Forever seems:

Like now.

14. I never ever want to:

Feel guilty.

15. My cell phone :

Samsung something. Ask the Joannas haha we all have the same phones!

16. When I wake up in the morning:

I switch off my alarm and go back to sleep.

17. I get annoyed when:

I am annoyed. I get exponentially annoyed (if that makes any sense) when I am a lil annoyed which makes me angry and frustrated and the monster in me awakes.

18. Parties are:

Fun fun fun!

19. My pet(s) is(are):

Dalmatian (which my parents gave away), fighting fish (which I abandoned them after they jumped out of my container), a very big spider (which I quickly gave it back when it was dying), hamsters (which died after being transferred to different homes too many times), terapin (which my mom threw away accidentally with the vegetables in the sink)

Yes, I'm not the best pet owner you know. But I still love dogs, so much that I've decided that I will not own them in the near future to spare them from my tempting care.

20. Kisses are the best when:

They are shared with a human I guess.

21. Today I:

Was late for all my lectures, which are the last lectures of this semester. HOOYAH!!!

AND I HAD MY LAST 8AM LECTURE THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!

22. Tomorrow I:

Will dress like a guy. Cheap thrill. No, I don't have a habit of cross-dressing, I just think that baggy shirts and jeans are very comfortable which are suited for tomorrow which can be foreseen as a highly irritable day since I've to study.

23. I really want:

My friends and family to be with me here.

24. I want to ask:

Why am I answering all these questions?!?!!? This is one of the oddest thing I've done this week. Haha.

Dreams...? No, Nightmares!!!

2008-10-22T05:31:00.002+08:00

Please have mercy on me!!!
My nightmares are taking a toil on me, makes me feel as if I haven't slept for a few nights.
First I stabbed my brother, next I was in a sadistic game show, then I was in an operating theatre, then I got a C for history, then jerking up through the night thinking that I missed torts again.

I die die also will not enroll into an 8am stream ever.ever.ever.again! So.tired.

BUT once I get this Art History Ass-ay over and done with, I'm going to harness all my freaking energy and brain juice and intelligence and will-power and motivation to study my butt off for the finals! No one can stop this girl's aggressiveness and determination to study her torts, contracts and macroecons! (Maybe art history) Not even the weather! Not even her bed! Not even the TV! Not even the internet! Not even her dreams! Not even...uh...food? (I say this with some doubt) RAHHHHHHH!!!!! DO YOU FEEL MY OVERWHELMING DETERMINATION!!! *ROARS LIKE HOW AN AGGRESSIVE TIGER WOULD!!!

I WILL GLUE MY BUTT TO THE SEAT IN GLORIA JEANS FROM 10AM TO 10PM EVERYDAY! I WILL BREAK MY PERSONAL BEST ACHIEVED LAST YEAR FOR CLOCKING IN 12 HOURS IN GLORIA JEANS! EVEN IF ITS JUST A MINUTE EXTRA! I'LL STUDY LIKE NO OTHER! COME ON EVERYBODY WHO IS HAVING EXAMS! DETERMINATION IS CONTAGIOUS LETS ALL STUDY TILL WE DROP DEAD (AFTER THE EXAMS). HOOYAH JOIN HUILING'S CAMPAIGN TOWARDS A BETTER SOCIETY BY STUDYING YOUR ASS OFF NOW!!!!! EVERYONE SHOUT: HOOYAH!!!! (That's our slogan, shout it out before every exam you take, it will bring you good luck)

Huiling, start your essay!

2008-10-20T04:39:00.004+08:00

[Edited]
Sometimes I think I'm the most obstinate person on earth. Especially when I want to prove my point. I don't know whether I'm really determined and unyielding or am I just being bull-headed and stiff-necked. After applying for shit loads of internship positions and not getting any definitive ones, I'm still adamant that I.can.get.an.internship.without.contacts.

Maybe its time to abandon my relentless pursuit of proving to I-don't-know-who that I can get an internship with nothing except my own capabilities, and subordinate myself to the common notion that contacts are indeed, important. Sigh, why do I always like to take the road less traveled and end up u-turning back to the road frequented. I end up only to reinforce the point which I set out to derogate.

I realized I actually could have gotten an internship by now if not for my pigheadedness. Family and friends have offered to help but this mulish mule remained mulish so serve her right if she ends up being a waitress in Thai Express. Rah. Lesson learned: draw a line between determination and foolhardiness.

I shall learn that in my forthcoming Art History Essay and stop running away from it just to prove my point that I don't like it because I think it makes no sense. Instead, I should see the bigger picture - that its worth 30% of the final grade, due in less than 48 hours, its a research essay, I'm required to write 2000words and I've written round about 10, which is 1/200 done and that I will be or already am screwed if I haven't started a week ago.

I dreamt that I stabbed my brother and had to watch him die. And I got stuck in playing this sadistic hide and seek involving the scariest brutal tasks. And I missed torts.

A combination of very bad events to start the morning. I'm so shaken. I need to start doing my Art History Ass-ay.

2008-10-19T08:13:00.003+08:00

I CAN'T WAIIITTTT TO EXECUTE MY BIGGGG HOOOOLLLIIDDDAYYYY PPLLLAAANNNSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BIG BIG BIG FUN FUN FUN EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING NO-STUDY-NO-STRESS-NO-ART-HISTORY-NO-HOUSEWORK-
NO-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH R&R PERIOD HOHOHO HAHAHA HEHEHE

I WANNA EAT BEER-BATTERED FISH AND CHIPSSSS AND BURGER FUEL AND A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!

WE SPENT 1 HOUR WALKING AROUND VIADUCT TO FIND FOR SOMETHING TO EAT AND WHEN WE FINALLY DID, I WAS BARRED FROM THE RESTAURANT/PUB BECAUSE I DIDN'T BRING MY ID!!! 2ND TIME THAT WEEK!!

MY FISH AND CHIPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS......

LAST NIGHT WAS FUN!

ART HISTORY IS MAKING ME INCOHERENT!

YAY I MIGHT BE GG TO WATCH PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!

NO! I MIGHT NOT! I'M BROKE!

YAY I'M GG ON A CRUISE!

NO! I'M GG TO DO VERY BADLY FOR ART HISTORY!

NO! I DON'T LIKE TORTS!

YES! LAST WEEK OF UNI!

YES! BYE BYE TORTS! BYE BYE ART HISTORY!

HAHAHAHA SOMETHING VERY FUNNY HAPPENED!

AHHHHHH!!! ok finish venting and ranting. PTBB, I lost. I'm going to drink till I puke. Get ready, you have to wear a raincoat. Alternatively you can go Japan with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYONE LETS GO JAPAN!!!!!

Ok, Huiling shall get a grip of herself and start.writing.her.essay.

*As I was reading the genesis, K asked: Did God ever mentioned dinosaurs? Hmm....

2008-10-16T18:01:00.004+08:00

Traumatised...
That was enough to shorten my life span by a couple of years.
*SCRRREEEEAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSS
.
..
...
.....
.......
.........
I desperately need a break from whatever that is happening...
I've started packing my luggage today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*will not curse...will not curse...will not curse...

2008-10-12T18:37:00.005+08:00

OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED 1 NIGHT WORKING ON A STATUTE WHICH WAS REPEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELL DONE HUILING! YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!!!

I

knocked over the glass 3times during (the same) dinner and got my friend wet
choked on my food during lunch, started tearing uncontrollably and rushed to the toilet and vomit everything out. That shocked my friend quite a bit. He thought it was my braces and I sheepishly laughed it off
jerked and nearly screamed in the gym toilet when I saw the reflection of a girl in the mirror. I thought she was a ghost! Shocked by my shock, she also jerked and gasped

AHHHHHH EXAMS STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you wonder hows that possible when this probably be my 100th time taking it.

I wonder how effective is the ACC scheme. It supposedly aims to reduce the number of trials going to Court, but then again because of it, many have brought proceedings debating about the Act itself. But its probably substantially fewer than what it would have been otherwise. Somehow, I still am not fully convinced by it. It sounds theoretically ideal yet I still have certain reservations regarding its practicality. Especially when it becomes a politically play thing... Hmmm... don't know la.

Desperate

2008-10-10T14:58:00.006+08:00

[ATTENTION from your ever demanding friend]: The National Vertical Marathon is on this coming Feb, 8th. All my momos, you are ordered to join. If not...you've to treat me 10bowls of tau huay or 10 plates of chee cheong fan and feel.my.wrath. *Please join please join please join with me, we'll form an awesome team. Ok, hurry off and start training, we are going to win!!!

Never have I felt so worried for my future.
I.need.to.get.an.internship.its.not.funny.anymore.
[NZ has entered into a recession. Shortly after, Singapore followed her footsteps. Damn...its a time of doldrums for both my home-bases]

'You've received an email from xxx' notice popped up on my screen just now.
OMG I literally felt my heart sinking. If its a negative reply, I'll be way more than a lil upset.
Apprehensively, I tried opening my email and my dial-up speed internet only made me closer to experiencing a hyperventilation.
Damn, its even more fearsome/unnerving/intense than a bungy jump. Not exaggerating, we're talking about my future here (assuming that the financial markets manage to survive and that the Maya calender isn't true).

Cliche as it might sound, that minute felt like an hour. After that whole lot of mixed emotions welling up in me this is what I saw:

Dear Huiling

Thank you for your email.

We aim to get back to you as soon as we can.
Huiling, you honestly should stop imagining/thinking too much. Dude! People are still processing your application, relax la!

Gosh! All these intense surge of emotions/worries/undue haste/worries/excitement/thoughts have left me floating around in my own world the past few days. Talk about thinking too much. Of course, how can I leave out my big plans for the hols. Last night I went on my own lil frolic again, deviating from the most important task at hand - completing my assignment. You have no idea how the search for air-tickets can be such an adrenaline-pumping activity. But talking to my parents after which totally deflated my floating self, burst my bubble and pulled me down to reality. How true that they always keep my grounded, sometimes to the extend of sinking. Nonetheless, they still keep me afloat in one sense or the other.

I hate Art History 114G. Its 3hours of bullcrap a week with an impending 2000words of bullshit.

Economics is useful

2008-10-08T18:01:00.005+08:00

Its been say, ~4months since I've switched my major from Accounting to Economics.
And within these 4months, I've been bombarded with similar questions: WHY did I do that?

I know, I know, I know the prospects of Accounting - definitely way better than Economics. I know and I've struggled a lot between these 2 options. If not for the fact that I really hated Accounting, I might just stay with it. BUT, I've never hated a subject so much before, so I try to stand by my decision.

Unfortunately, I still waiver quite a bit when I try to convince others the logic behind the switch. (Well logically, I don't really need to do so but thats human or rather, Huiling's nature) So last night, Dad called. Already annoyed being woken up in the midst of my sleep, I got further agitated when he started asking me why didn't I do Finance instead.

Dad: 'Ling ah, what are you doing?'
Me: 'Sleeping'
Dad (obviously ignoring my previous remark and continued with the conversation): 'Eh, why you never do Finance. Sansu said you should do Finance you know! Economics so broad-based, Finance better.
Me: 'Aiyah, too late.'
Dad: 'Why too late. Do Finance la.' (And he went on about how good is Finance and how useless if Economics)
Me (obviously frustrated because this is not the first time explaining and probably also worried about my future): 'Aiyah, cannot la.'
Dad: 'Why cannot?!'
Me: 'Don't know. Too late. Difficult. Lazy. Don't care already.'
Dad: 'Why are you so mang zhang (agitated)'
Me: 'Sleeping la sleeping. Talk to you tomorrow ok'

I met a friend in uni today, after the conventional greetings, he said, 'Heard you've dropped Accounting! Doing Economics now?'
Me: 'Yeah'
Him: 'Now you HAVE to be a lawyer!' (obviously assuming that I can never find a job which is Econs-related)
..........................................................................................

WHO SAYS ECONOMICS IS USELESS!
EVERYONE CHANTS AFTER ME:
*Economics is useful. Economics has good prospects. Huiling can find a job with an Economics major. Economics is interesting. ECONS ECONS ECONS RULES!!!! ECONS ECONS ECONS ROCKS!!!

RAH!!!!!
Ok, stop being childish.
According to my pseudo-temporary best buddy (you should know who you are, HAHA) my recent posts lack of in-depth meaning. So I thought of invoking some profound and meaningful posts which might just end up being a classic prose or poem, but due to my stupid endless impending deadlines - whether set by the Uni or myself, I shall do that later. (Be prepared to laugh!) Pseudo-temporary best buddy (acronymed PTBB AHHAHA) you better get ready to be defeated by me for the following reasons:

I'm going to win the bet - and you are going to get wasted
I am really going to win the bet
No doubt I'll win the bet
You'll lose the bet
The only constant is that I'm going to win and you are going to lose

RAHHHHHH I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS 12345678910!
I want to and will

Go for a cruise with 24/7 buffet
Go to Genting's theme park
Go ice-skating
Go kayaking
Go for the nature walk
Go for a holiday
Go and work
Go and eat
Go and play
Go and sleep
Go and learn a musical instrument
Go and run
Go and read
Convince everyone that Econs rocks!

2008-10-04T16:52:00.001+08:00

What a blunder

2008-10-03T13:59:00.007+08:00

This week has been drop.dead.tiring.hectic.busy.and.i.am.not.happy.about.it.
and.wanna.punch.some.bags.

And like what they usually say, 'leave the best for the last'.
Its Friday today, the last day of the week - I should have expected the 'best' to happen today, and so it did.

First and foremost, I tore my favourite lucky $60 G2000 blouse just because I was a lil too rough. Secondly, I don't know why my freaking kitchen is infested with this whole colony of ants. I don't want to kill them initially but they just keep multiplying and it gets so itchy to look at, I decided that I just have to be cruel and wipe them out. I literally did that with the wet kitchen cloth, granting them quick and painless death.

But those stupid ants never learn their lessons. No wonder their heads are tiny - because their brains are TINIER. They continue crawling into the most sacred place in my apartment for no apparent reason except to seek death from me! I've checked - no sweet stuff lying around. I don't know whats up their mind to choose this barren place to seek shelter. After seeing all their mates getting killed, those senseless pests still crawl into the gateway of death!!! Right in front of my eyes!!! I was so frustrated that I've to stand next to the table top killing ants when I've so many other things to do. They totally deserve to die - I abandoned my cloth and decided to be more ruthless and started on my killing spree. Call me a murderer, I'm just taking justice into my own hands. (And I wonder how can I get so miffed over tiny harmless ants... now I feel like I'm infested with ants, I thought my mole is an ant on my arm!!)

[Edited]: OMG I'm soooo bloody annoyed with the ants!!! I even thought the page number at the top of my contracts notes is an ANT and wanted to squash it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DIE YOU stupid ants! Making me itch the whole freaking night!!!!

Thats not it, its just the prequel to a series of -___- events within the next couple of hours. After my killing spree, I was naturally and not surprisingly late for my tutorial. And the day which I decided to do my tutorial is the day which I did the wrong one. Never mind, at least I did some work - more work done is better than none. Next was to make my way down to law school. Coincidentally saw Jojo and Claudette walking towards Owen and walked a lil with them, since I'm used to being late. Sure enough, I was late again, but that didn't matter - what matter was that...I rushed into a lecture theater I assumed to be the right one. I felt this sense of uneasiness once I stepped in, I don't know why, its just an intuition which is usually right. 'Maori and criminal law' was flashed on the screen. And the lecturer (who taught me last year) started going on about Maoris and some unpronounceable Maori terms. I somehow managed to psycho myself that I'm in the right place despite the OBVIOUS hint that the lecture was about Maori law. In fact, she was going through what I did last year...Criminal law. No wonder I felt this strong sense of familiarity.

So I sat there contemplating whether to leave or not. I've already made myself looked more than a lil stupid coming in, taking out stuff which are totally not relevant to what they were studying (whilst others were furiously taking down notes). If I leave, everyone would know I was in the wrong lecture which would be utterly embarrassing. If I stay, its gonna waste 1 freaking hour. I decided 1 hour is too much to waste so I tried to leave the lecture theater in the coolest fashion I could have. Don't ask me how, I just did.

So I made my way home to grab some stuff. Stepped into the lift and started rampaging through my bag for my keys. Before I could, the lift started going up and I realized I must have forgotten to bring it out. But coincidentally, it stopped on the 15th floor (my floor) and in came Nat (my housemate) who lent me her keys. And yes, after my 2hours of random events, finally one which comes in my favour.

Sigh.... what a difficult week it has been. I actually managed to clock in 12 hours in uni the other day, 8am to 8pm! I've so much to say, but just can't. A bit more, just a bit more Huiling......Its gonna be over soon.
You.mustn't.give.up.

2008-10-02T13:24:00.000+08:00

why.must.everything.be.so.difficult.
damnit.

INTRODUCING>>>

2008-09-24T15:49:00.009+08:00

MY TOP 5 IDOLS!!!!
(For the year 2008 only)

Not in order of preference, Number 1 is....

Try guessing! Hint:

Got it? Bet you didn't! Ok... he is...

BEAR GRYLLS
Edward Michael Grylls is an English Television Presenter and adventure, known as Bear Grylls on his popular program Man vs Wild.

Why does he deserve this top spot?!
Because he is HOW COOL! He has a degree, speaks English, Spanish and French, served the British Armed Forces, awarded the honorary rank of Lieutenant Commander in the UK's Royal Naval Reserve, works as a motivational speaker and trainer, close relationship with several charitable organizations, climbed Mt Everest, crossed the North Atlantic, paramotoring over Angel Falls etc etc!

He is the only guy I can think of who can impress both girls and guys by being gross, coarse, filthy, disgusting and... just disgusting! (i.e. eating some animal's shit. I can't remember which animal though) But as I said, he is HOW COOL and I bet $5 that he is a really kind and nice person. (I've deadly accurate intuition - don't doubt it! I say nice means nice!) Watch 10minutes of Man vs Wild and you'll fall madly in love with him. (GUYS! BEWARE! He is going to be your ultimate rival once girls start watching Man vs Wild OR WORSE STILL, you are slowly going down the wroooonnnggg crooked path HAHA)

OK NEXT CONTENDER!

SOMERS J

Ok, you guys probably won't know who he is. I don't even know his full name. But I think he is still alive and apparently residing in Christchurch and likes gardening. (I seriously think thats a made-up fact by a friend) Other than that, I've no clue about his personal life. And no, I do not admire him because he is mysterious, he is my idol only because he is HOW SMART! Oh actually, I do know something else about him, he is probably a Court of Appeal judge. I don't even know how to describe how blown-away I was when I read his dissenting judgment. He totally crashed Woodhouse P and McMullin J's judgments, making them look more than a lil foolish.

I know, I know, I sound like a nerd, but he is HOW SMART! Conlon v Ozolins by far, has been the best case I've ever read! Its like, all of them were running the freaking same argument saying how important is s5 of the Contractual Mistakes Act 1979 and blah blah blah and then BANG! Somers J said the case DOES NOT FALL within s6(1)(a) at all! And you can imagine the majority at the background, still arguing that it should be and that Courts shouldn't follow common law and blah blah blah going round and round in circles without realizing the major flaw in their argument is that it will bring unreasonable consequences. And you can imagine Somers J at the foreground sniggering, thinking that they don't make sense at all and have totally missed the point! Lalala he is HOW SMART! I can't find his photo of him, but I reckon he probably looks like one of them:
Ok... next guy on the list... you all probably would know him. He is none other than our investment guru...
NUMBER 1 in Forbe's billionaires list, net worth of $62billion, largest shareholder and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway...

WARREN BUFFETT

He is HOW RICH. Warren Edward Buffett is an American investor, businessman and philanthropist. He was ranked by Forbes as the richest person in the world as of February 11, 2008.
Why did he make it to my top 5 list?
Because.. he is HOW NICE! Often called the 'Oracle of Omaha', Buffett is noted for his adherence to the value investing philosophy for his personal frugality despite his immense wealth. His annual salary was about $100,000, which is small compared to senior executive remuneration in other comparable companies. He lives in the same house in the central Dundee neighbourhood of Omaha that he bought in 1958 for $31,500, today valued at around $700,000.

Buffett is also a noted philanthropist. In 2006, he announced a plan to give away his fortune to charity, with 83% (MIND YOU EIGHTY THREE PER CENT) of it to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. And blah blah blah. In short, he is HOW SMART (else he wouldn't be this rich), HOW RICH (he is the richest person on earth), HOW NICE (already described above) - with those combinations, how can he not be my idol?!?

Ok, I'm not guy-crazy and to prove my point, my next idol is....
A GIRL!!!!!!
I bet you guys definitely know her!!!!

SUZANNE JUNG

She is the face of Prime Time Morning (Channel News Asia). I actually don't know much about her except that she is from Korea, speaks good English, gives me a good impression, makes me think that she is a nice person and, I just enjoy watching PTM when I'm back in Singapore. Uh, I forgot the her co-host's name, but they seem pretty compatible haha. And I heard that she is from AJC. Uh, something to be proud of?

Ok, I'm getting very tired of typing already so I'll make a very brief introduction to my last idol... uh... *thinks hard. Ok, Disney's...

MULAN

I bet everyone knows her, so I don't need to say anything else.

Thats all. Gosh I'm so so so so tired from today's incessant lectures.

Why

2008-09-22T18:14:00.005+08:00

Random: Reading the case: Tri-Star Customs & Forwarding Ltd v Denning which was decided by Salmon J in the previous judgment. I feel like eating him. He sounds yummy.

Why titan Bernard Arnault (CEO of LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton) can hold $24 billion portfolios of more than 50 brands - running the gamut from Fendi to DFS?
Where does he find the time?!
How does he prevent competition from rivals from the same industry who are none other than himself?!

Is it fair that the US Fed bailed out AIG/Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae but let Lehman Brothers sink?

US Treasury Secretary urged Congress to swiftly pass an unprecedented 700-billion-dollar financial rescue plan. What are the repercussions? 700-billion-dollar financial rescue plan, and then...?

What is happening to China's milk scandal?

Why do aeroplanes hardly crash into each other when flying in the sky? Radar? But there are so one thousand and one planes flying around, is the system that perfect?

Why do I keep dreaming about flying aeroplanes?

Why my laptop's sound system just got to screw up this very moment?

Why doesn't someone franchise Krispy Kreme in Singapore?

Why isn't 'Your arms feel like home' 3 doors down's hit single?

How did Criss Angel do his oasis stunt?

How is former PM of Japan Yasuo Fukuda going to lead his life for the next 10 years?

What is George Bush going to do after he steps down?

Is there really God?

Are there really ghosts?

How about black magic?

Where do our souls come from? Why are there more and more and more new souls accompanying newborns? So.... if there isn't reincarnation, there would be....99999 to the power of 99999999999999999999999 multiplied by 9999999999999 souls plus 99999999999999 to the power of 1000000000000000000000000 souls in future?
If there is reincarnation - maybe we only have 9999999999999999999 to the power of 9999 souls. But what accounts for population growth?!

How about judgment day?

Why are the Davis's carrels occupied by 10AM in the morning?!

How did they build the train tunnel under water linking 2 HK islands?

Why must things be in such a way it is now?

Why am I so tired?

Is there always a solution to everything?

Is there really different time dimensions? Would a time machine ever be invented? If it would in future, someone amongst us must be from the future.

Why do I ask so many questions?

Who, what, where, when, why, how?

Must.stop.here.else.I'll.start.throwing.out.weird.questions.

2008-09-21T11:39:00.007+08:00

We talked late into the night about everything and anything. And I came up with another sub-definition of 'good'.

I reckon it is when someone, trying so desperately to do the right thing and being good, turns away from his/her pride in maintaining that 'good' image, and doing something viewed as 'bad' in the public eye, suffering the consequences of being shunned, mocked, criticized, yet bearing in mind that it is something for the greater good.

Maybe thats why every great public figure had been hated by people of his time and yet, revered later in history. How bloody difficult. And if you realized, most heroes experience somewhat tragic endings. Really, how good are you?

Gosh, why am I so caught up with the question of 'what is good?' Does it even matter.
Don't I just love stay-overs? I think better at night.

2008-09-19T19:32:00.006+08:00

We met randomly along the streets this afternoon and decided to hang out.
We walked pass the Ferry Terminal on the way to Princess Wharf.
And decided to hop on one and made our way to Devonport in the late afternoon.

My parents have been very busy lately and they hardly call. I haven't been talking to them for quite some time. The other night I had dinner with Uncle, Aunty and Victor and although there were awkward moments, I felt 'safe' - its the closest to family I can get here. You know, that sense of security you feel with your family - that they will never do anything to hurt you regardless of how horrid you've been, that sense of certainty - that they will always be there 24/7 regardless whether you've ever been there for them. I need that sense of security and certainty now. Its been some time since I've called back, maybe I should take the first step now.

The more I think about it, the more stupid I feel about folding my CV and Cover letter thrice and squeezing it into that tiny envelop. I think my potential mentor's first impression of me probably drop by half when he sees that unprofessional presentation =( To salvage my situation, I sent another application, this time in a nice big white envelop with my best handwriting on it. Either he is going to think that I'm blardy kiasu or he would realize how desperate I am and maybe, decides to be kind and compassionate and REPLY ME!!! (I've spent quite a bit for postage costs!)

Aggressivity

2008-09-18T19:10:00.003+08:00

ECON 211: Why another Great Depression is unlikely? (16 Sept 2008)

Policymakers now know much more about macroeconomics:

The Fed knows much better than to let money supply fall so much, especially during a contraction.
Fiscal policymakers know much better than to raise taxes or cut spending during contraction

Federal deposit insurance makes widespread bank failures very unlikely.
Automatic stabilizers make fiscal policy expansionary during an economic downturn.

CNA: Stock markets plunge as global crisis deepens (18 Sept 2008)

But after the collapse of Lehman Brothers and the forced sale of Merrill Lynch, US media said Morgan Stanley was looking for help after seeing its stock drop another 24 percent Wednesday.
(Note: Lehman Brothers actually weathered the capital crisis of the Great Depression.)

I sure hope ECON 211 is true. I have faith (??) in my lecturer.
Is that the reason why I haven't received any replies from any banks? Except Deutsche which stated that I do not fulfill the pre-requisites because I'm not in my last year of studies :(
I feel pretty uneasy now, AIG is in trouble and so are we. Dad sounds pretty worried. Furthermore, this is probably gonna threaten my rice bowl in the future. But I guess I don't quite feel the impact of it, other than reading/watching it on news everyday. Maybe I'm too far down under.

So, I've been in the doldrums for the past few days BUT decided to channel my excess energy to aggressiveness! I continued spamming firms with my CV. These are the victims:

JPMorgan
KPMG
Deutsche
Credit Suisse
Stamford Law Corporation
WongPartnership
KhatterWong
Colin Ng & Partners
Baker& McKenzie.Wong & Leow
Drew & Napier
Minter Ellison

WongPartnership and Colin Ng are darn efficient. I sent them an email last night and they replied me early this morning which really made my day. Its not a confirmation reply but sounds positive. Actually, I can't really make up my mind whether he is saying yes or no. He gave me the likely dates and asked me to send him another email when the dates draw nearer. So I rule that as I-don't-know. The other one just asked for the dates, so I shall not keep my hopes too high and take it as a wait-awhile-we-are-still-considering. As for the rest... I'm still checking my email consistently and frequently.

I'm pretty excited to work. I really am. Its only 2 weeks per internship and I wanna work my ass off! I just got that sudden urge and desire to do an internship, I ran down to the post office this morning to submit my application for the 2009 Minter Ellison Rudd Watts internship. Usually, I wouldn't even give a thought about it but last night when I was checking my email, they said that they've extended the deadline for applications till 19th (which is tomorrow) and it sounded really cool! Its one day per week from March to Sept 2009, paid, assigned to a team with a mentor and blah blah blah. Most importantly, its a global law firm! I dismissed the thought of applying initially. Then I started daydreaming for awhile, then I realized I've already done up my CV and cover letter, I just needed to send it. Deciding that its something which would make my morning exciting, I decided to give it a try. Early this morning I got the application form, filled it in, dashed to the post office and begged/pointed a gun/bribed the staff to get the documents sent by tomorrow. AND LUCKY ME their POBox was actually IN THE POST OFFICE I went to! That means, they can immediately slot it in so its delivered right at that minute. MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *laughs with contentment.

Then at the corner of my eye, I spotted my rival filling in the same distinct red application form! AHHH!!! Haha ok, its really cheap thrill - the sending and the waiting for a reply game. I doubt I would even get an interview, its just fun trying your luck - its like playing with jackpot. I still got a teeny weeny bit of chance okay!

Gosh, I'm so exhausted. These 2 days have been really hectic.

1 post a day keeps the psychiatrist away

2008-09-17T11:23:00.002+08:00

When there is nothing else to lose, there is nothing else to be afraid of.

Whats there for me to be afraid of?!
Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Yay!

Finally, I managed to spam the banks and law firms with my resume.
I hope they spam me with replies too.

2008-09-16T18:33:00.002+08:00

Moot this morning was really good. Surprisingly.

But... hmm... don't know..

Away From The Sun - 3 Doors Down

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone do what I've done
I missed life
I missed the colours of the world
Can anyone go where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't do what I've done

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

yeah, another post again

2008-09-14T18:22:00.003+08:00

I know, I know, and I admit that I've been exceedingly emotional (I still don't like the word emo) the past entries.

Yeah, my emotions have been shuttling between both ends of the spectrum uncontrollably I feel so wasted. I reckon you're right, I've been too hard on myself. I think I've been trying to cut all emotions so quickly and so drastically that ironically a lil negative thought would make me crumble.

Anyway, today is the last day of my hols (Did I even mention hols? Why didn't it feel anything like it?) and I am still sour that I didn't get to do what I wanted but it doesn't matter that much any more. I know the remaining part of the semester would be over before I know it. (I really need a break from...EVERYTHING!)

Well, what have brought me through everything? Music. As much as I wanted to do some art, I just...didn't have the time or...mood...or energy...or whatever. Miraculously, I haven't been oversleeping too much recently - I've overslept but the thing is I actually react to my alarm clock! JOY TO THE WORLD! Uh, don't know if its actually that great because I've been having many disturbing dreams so...probably thats why. So this morning, I woke up at the record-breaking time of 9am! (Note: its the LAST day of my hols and its a SUNday) But thats only because I couldn't sleep peacefully with the knowledge that I have an unwritten moot and ill-prepared test to deal with once school starts which is, well the next day.

I felt pretty depressed and thinking about the moot just makes me shiver. I made my way down to the Davis and feeling so helplessly demoralized, I started downloading heaps of songs and you know what, it made everything so so so SO MUCH better. And I started to write something and soon it became 1000 words and soon it just kept increasing exponentially. This is so so random but half way through, I kinda 'heard' my 'mentor' (aka my idol) during my internship at Harry Elias saying: you got to immerse yourself in the legal field, even if you are just a student. You got to think and act like a lawyer, it makes you more focus and daring. Ok, thats not exactly what he said, but something along those lines. I remembered him telling me that on my first day on the way to Court. Yeah, I reckon I've been so clouded with fear such that I haven't really truly enjoy it.

Anyway, I really really really love this song playing on my imeem. It brought me and is still bringing me through this period. Listen, its really, really, really nice.

2008-09-13T20:36:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
Haven't had such a good laugh continuously for hours for a long long time.
Damn am I good at forced matchmaking.
HAHA.

Its scary what people would do when they have all the freedom to do so, when nobody is looking, when no one would know.
Would you go against your conscience and yield to temptations?
Thats what differentiates the good from the bad. Which one are you?

High School

2008-09-13T11:20:00.002+08:00

Randomly, I feel a nostalgia for my secondary/JC days.
Uh, it happens to us every now and then, no?
It must have been this song!
I remember being an ardent fan of rock music like Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and the likes.
My choice of music has changed ever since, but still, haha hearing it every once in awhile feels really good!
I don't know where I got this song from but when it started playing on my iTUnes during shuffle mode, I felt oddly happy.

haha I miss going for concerts. I remembered we jumped and shouted and screamed and cursed till we were all sweaty and faint. -___-'' The atmosphere was awesome and I was convinced half way through that the Suntec Conventional hall was going to collapse and wanted to evacuate - Resonance effect when everyone jumps at the point where SP sang 'JUMP!'

2008-09-10T18:49:00.002+08:00

Enough of crying?
Enough of wasting away?
Enough of being tired?
Enough of everything?
Right.
Time to move on.
Huiling steps aside.

2008-09-09T08:29:00.001+08:00

No, too many issues.

2008-09-06T11:16:00.001+08:00

trust issues.

Nocturnal

2008-09-04T20:13:00.004+08:00

Yeah, my sleeping cycle is totally screwed again.
But thank god everything is back to normal, or so it seems.

Uh, its coming to the end of my first week of hols which has been not surprisingly, unproductive.
The past week has been an ordeal but its over and I can finally steer my way back and normalize my daily routine (I hope it isn't too late). It has been wearying but nobody said it was going to be easy. (Although I would like to continue it by saying 'no one ever said it would be so hard')

Enough said of that. There should be a closure for now.

Anyways! My friends came over for a stay over last night and I attempted to cook chicken rice again. Uh, its been a long time since I did that - its too much trouble cooking unless its for a group. I realize it tastes different every time because I do not have a definite recipe to follow. Just a random observation - the rice seems proportionately smaller whenever I cook chicken rice, it seems as if it shrank during the process of cooking. They made nice chilled cheesecake but what a pity, I didn't get to see how it was done.

I think I am so used to people coming over such that I overlooked the need for being a good host. Its only after they've left then it dawned on me. Uh, I actually fell asleep when they were here and I thought thats pretty rude. Haha like, can you imagine yourself visiting someone and she falls asleep when you are there.

Anyhows, there I go again, posting for the sake of relieving myself from the pains of essaying yet minimizing the time left to the deadline - not as if I have much time left. Urgh my plans of going there and there (pointing at least 100km away) are totally zoomed down to here and here (pointing at most 100m away). That means my holiday destinations are zeroed in from Rotorua and Taupo to Waiheke and Rangitoto to Devonport and North Shore to Eden Park and Parnell then ultimately to - Gloria Jeans, Law School, Queen Street and Home. What does it prove? That at the end of the day, I am still stuck in my 100m radius route of travel! I can't believe this! Tell me bout how vast NZ is and blah blah blah and how tiny Singapore is - I bet I travel 100times the distance in that tiny red dot than this long white cloud.

Anyways why am I up at this hour in front of my coolass (supposedly pronounced as 'cool-ass' - Some random name I gave my cool laptop which ironically heats up so quickly I need to get a ventilator for it. Actually, I might change his/her name and gender anytime soon because coolass sounds like cool-less which might mean that its not very cool or that it is clueless) laptop when I should be doing more entertaining stuff.

Not as if you are that interested - more like I am interested to tell you. I'm doing my terribly arduous, mind-boggling, absolutely complicated, puzzling and unmanageable Art History Assignment (spelled as Assingment One on the question paper - shows how 'mind-boggling' it can be).

Nah, I'm just exaggerating - its not too difficult, its pretty intriguing in fact. And precisely because of that, I take forever to finish it because as usual I digress and start reading unrelated stuff. Its gonna bore some of you I reckon, but some stuff are pretty interesting. I was doing this question on how the illusion of 3 dimensional space can be created in paintings and its really quite cool - the use of linear perspective with the orthogonals and Ponzo illusion, aerial perspective and blah blah blah but whatever it is, damn the paintings are awesome! Plus a lil history bout them made it even more compelling.

I'm working on the second question now about meanings produced in paintings. Uh I chose 2 - The Venus of Urbino and Olympia. Both about nudity but the social context behind it was far more complicated (or lets say long-winded in layman's view) than I thought it would be. So it goes all the way back to the story as told in Genesis - Adam and Eve - the first nudes in the tradition: And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and it was a delight to the eyes...and did eat; and she gave also unto her husband...and the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...And the Lord God called unto the man and said unto him, 'Where are thou?' And he said, 'I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself...' - They became aware of being naked because as the result of eating the apple, each saw the other differently. Nakedness was created in the mind of the beholder. The woman is blamed and is punished by being made subservient to the man. In relation to the woman, the man becomes the agent of God.

The social presence of a woman is different in kind from that of a man. A man's presence is dependent upon the promise of power which he embodies. By contrast, a woman's presence expresses her own attitude to herself and defines what can or cannot be done to her. Men act and women appear. Alright and there are so much more about the other paintings and differences of nudity and nakedness. Passing it off as just another erotic picture would really discredit the artist I reckon.

Ok, I really ought not to carry on because the main thing of reading all these stuff is not to post but to come up with an essay. If I go on and on here and probably hitting a word count of 2000 but still 0 on my word document window, I pretty much will not do well.

2008-09-02T10:50:00.002+08:00

Your mistakes do not define you now
They tell you who you're not.

2008-08-29T20:31:00.002+08:00

I sat along Tamaki Drive after my run.
Coincidentally the sun was setting.
Finally, something consoling.
No, I wasn't being emotional, I was just trying to be appreciative.
Its my way of seeking solace.

Time passes so slowly at night.

2008-08-27T14:17:00.002+08:00

Its easy to go unnoticed in Uni.
Put on a different jacket, wear a cap, tie up my hair, look down, sit at the corner end seat, plug in.
Maybe my sitting partner wondered why am I not attending lectures again.
Maybe the lecturer didn't even notice someone sitting at that corner.
Maybe people around thought its weird wearing a cap during winter.
But it doesn't matter because they do not know who is that girl.

Its easy to feel invisible in Uni.
I plugged in and it seems as though there was only me, myself, I and someone who seems to understand singing through my ipod.
I saw a few familiar faces today but none recognized me.

Its really nothing, I was just lazy to smile today.

2008-08-26T10:02:00.000+08:00

This pain is too much to bear

2008-08-17T10:16:00.003+08:00

Sigh.
My ability to block out my thoughts is failing me.

... wth... I had a really bad night... I was perpetually having ridiculous dreams/nightmares about the Olympics I hardly felt rested this morning. -_______-""

Finally, something not-so-nonsensical

2008-08-14T19:50:00.009+08:00

I don't know why but I actually feel very comforted and happy today.
(Although I'm so far behind for all my papers and I'm just starting on Contracts test)

Its one of the rare occasions my mood swings towards the positive side - so much so that I have to blog about it.

Maybe it was the grocery shopping I done just now (I made it to both Taiping and Foodtown! Also a reason why I actually spent twice the amount I budgeted to)

Maybe its because I made it to Torts (I had nightmares throughout the night about oversleeping such that I woke up in time - how ironic and miraculous is that!)

Maybe I have figured out certain stuff

Maybe I have accepted certain stuff

Maybe there isn't really a need to know why. Why must we always know why. Sometimes there isn't a reason or rather it doesn't even matter. Because what matters most is already in place.

Its been quite some time since I've blogged about...well...issues about life, if you will. I realized I've been writing quite a fair bit of crap the past few months. Not that I've made a recent revelation or anything like that, but well, I reckon its better to think things through when you are at balance or peace with yourself - at least you will not run the risk of swaying towards the negative or paranoia which tends to be a slippery slope and before you know it, you enter the realm of depression.

I guess thats my vulnerability - the inability to control yet the ability to over-control my feelings. It sounds a lil...awkward and contradictory but if you think about it, most characteristics, regardless of how different they are, can be used to describe you in one way or another - it just depends on which context you are using it. Some say that I'm hardworking but come on, who is inherently hardworking? I can be the laziest person you know yet the most hardworking person you've met - it all depends on what I'm doing or who I am with.

Characteristics used to describe us are just a reflection of how we present ourselves in front of the people we mix with. I am actually a lil skeptical of its accuracy in portraying us as a whole. But I reckon it more or less does for some, well at least it shows where the person's personality tends to. Oh wells, thats just a random thought of mine - it kinda serves as a reminder that although first impression counts, its not decisive. Sometimes, you gotta take a step back and accommodate a lil more.

Alright, what was my point? Oh ya, my inability to control and my ability to over-control. When I was younger, I thought being a good person was a cool idea so I envisaged myself to be a good person. It sounded pretty easy and it feels good too. Whats more, everything to me was either black or white, right or wrong - just do the right thing and I am good and everyone would love me. Easy, no?

Of course, I grew up and was introduced to something called Grey and something called Subjectivity. Being good was no longer as simple as it seems but I thought as long as I stand firm on what I believe in, I will still be good.

Of course, I continued growing and realized that I no longer understood what 'good' means. Good for who? Good to who? Struggled quite a bit and gave in to countless temptations thinking that it doesn't matter any more - when you lose your definition of 'good', you lose your persistence in maintaining that belief. When there is a loophole in your faith, you can and will come up with all reasons to stray from it - which I did.

I didn't do anything outwardly harmful and people hardly noticed it. But I know its something obviously wrong. But who knows, who cares when nobody actually was affected by it? I guess thats why we have something called conscience and moral. Nobody needs to know - as long as you do and you care - thats enough because that is going to plague you for quite some time, if not, forever. So I was settled that yes, I'm a horrid person with corrupted thoughts - we all do don't we? But as long as I do not convert it into actions, it will be fine. I'm just being human.

But that brought another problem forward. That is my ability to control - gradually, I became so in tune with controlling I started unknowingly over-controlling. My objective mind was initially used to tell me what to do and what not to do. Soon, its usage broadened and now its telling me what to think, what to feel and what not to and how to be a good person.

Whats wrong with that? Good sounds acceptable and desirable. But there is something wrong with that, I failed to see its consequences. When you void yourself from feelings you kinda lose a part of yourself. It wasn't really apparent at the start but it kinda exposes you to a danger of falling harder when you realize it. Things do not go smoothly in reality and its not always certain that good begets good. When you do not get a flowery outcome as you imagined, you start questioning the reasons and the worthiness of your efforts. Sooner or later you try to find yourself and to your horror, you can't. Are you really good? Or being good for the sake of being good? What is the point of being good? At that instance of questioning, I usually fall into a deranged state and thats when I lose it all - a sudden lost in control in everything - thats when my inability to control occurs.

I guess a solution to most, if not everything is a matter of balance. How to achieve that? I'm still figuring - such stuff takes time, experiences and maturity. Being good is a tricky lil thing, being good and still preserving yourself is mind-boggling. Good - what a broad term it is. Good as a human, a citizen, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a student, a passenger, a customer or a worker?

I know you guys might think that I'm thinking too much again. But, hey, I'm striking a balance here, I don't wanna run the risk of having psychosis during contracts haha.

And of course, how can I not remember to say this:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT!!! (2/08/08)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO!!! (6/08/08)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPEN!!! (12/08/08)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JES!!! (21/08/08)
No, I'm not trying to be objectively good, I'm trying to sincerely wish you guys haha!

help.me.

2008-08-13T11:19:00.002+08:00

I felt my heart stopped briefly when I saw the time when I woke up this morning.
8.19am.
Well done. I missed Torts again.
I can't believe or rather, can't get used to the fact that I can sleep through all my alarm clocks.
Damnit.
Is it some incurable disease I recently got infected with?
Damnit.
Must be the beef I was eating the past week - it must have some sleep-inducing properties in it.
I really need a kick-ass alarm clock.
Dammmnnnniiitttttttt.......

CHINA, Japan or Europe? [Edited]

2008-08-08T05:32:00.003+08:00

*rips hair apart...
Ok, this is going to be real quick cause I'm supposed to do my tutorial for the next hour.
[edited]: I actually missed my tutorial at last =(

BUT my whole mind is clouded with conflicting thoughts about...
WHERE I SHOULD GO IN DECEMBER!!!
I was set on going to Japan since last year, I bought the lonely planets and felt as if I'm so well-prepared for the trip the only thing lacking was the air ticket.
In order not to disappoint myself again, I was determined to go this year.
Then a slight change in plans and we decided to go Australia which was just cancelled.

After which I was still determined to backpack Japan although I have not exactly came up with a plan to convince my parents to let me do it alone.

But recently I've been hearing so much about China. I mean, I have been hearing about China growing and blah quite some time ago but as the day of entering into the working society draws near, I can't help but feel the need to know more about the economy. I know China is growing at a breakneck speed. I see and hear about it everyday through the media and people. But I some how feel unconvinced that I would or even might work there or even have anything to do with them. I know I need to be physically there to experience their growth - not just see but actually feel it.
(Ok, I admit, I do not exactly like the China Chinese but I guess its just a baseless stereotype. I need to go there and see it for myself)

And considering it would be just after the Beijing Olympics, I'm quite sure I would be blown away by what I have to see. They are growing, and growing fast. I remembered watching CNA when I was in Singapore - MM LKY was talking about them and their importance. There was this episode about wonder kids - kids with talents. They interviewed 2 kids - 1 from Singapore another from China, both are around age 9. And I was so impressed and touched by what that China kid had to say. You can never expect that from a 9 year old Singaporean. They.are.so.matured. The Singaporean didn't exactly leave a very deep impression. My parents went over to Mongolia and China during June and when they came back, he told me that I have no idea how strong is China now. Even Mongolia is not as underdeveloped as I imagined. At last, he just ended with a sigh, 'You kids, are gonna suffer next time.' - Implying that we are either going to face such strong competition from China or we (Singaporeans) are not in such a rosy situation as we think we are.

In the past, I was always firmed on working anywhere but China. But I reckon its not for me to say anymore. Business knows no geographical boundaries. Embrace China.

Ok what happened to my short post and tutorial?!
Anyhows, let me continue.

WQ is traveling in Europe now - and it would be perfect if I could join her in December. I can fly over in early December, start the tour by myself to the places they have already visited and then meet up with them in Netherlands. Sounds cool, perfect and plausible. BUT its gonna cost a bomb and the opportunity costs - forgo China or Japan?

Traveling to China is cheaper and potentially useful for my future career. But I'm pretty sure no one would want to accompany me to China and it would be a straight no from my parents to do that alone - I'm not that confident that I even dare to.

Traveling to Japan is my dream and potentially useful too - Japan is the second largest economy in the world and I have the utmost respect for their working attitude. And their super cool culture! But its expensive...

Traveling to Europe - easy to get a nod from my parents since WQ and her friends are there already. But its gonna be SO expensive I might faint from hyperventilating when I work out my budget. Maybe Europe is a better choice for graduation trip, when I do not want to think about any career-related stuff.

Ahhhh........ where should I go or would I even go any where at all?

[edited]: Oh! I decided to have a wish list at the side, replacing the previous page element 'In the news' cause it was such a hassle - it needs updating which I don't and it gets real outdated. Yup, my birthday is around the corner, ~ 5 more months. You get my obvious hint?

Well Done.

2008-08-05T05:10:00.000+08:00

Well done Huiling.
You missed:

Macroeconomics tutorial
Art History tutorial
Torts tutorial

out of

Macroeconomics tutorial
Art History tutorial
Torts tutorial
Contracts tutorial

.......................................................
And freak! Law tutorials are COMPULSORY. I can't believe I slept through all my freaking alarm clocks AGAIN.

This is the 3rd week and I feel as though uni just started. Considering the number of lectures and tutorials I've been missing, I'm really going no where.
(I took out my calculator just now as I was about to do my tutorial and realized that it was dusty)

Damn... and I thought there might be a chance of getting into honours for law.
You know what, I'm really going full pelt through this semester and hopefully, make it better than the last and consistent to the first two years.

Last semester was disappointing and I've tried making changes (i.e. switching majors) to make it better. I shall not, would not and cannot disappoint myself again. Come to think of it, I'm doing papers which I enjoy best this sem - Econs, Art History, Contracts and Torts.
(Linghui must have dominated me recently)

Digressing...
Not a very good start to my pseudo proclamation of my goal in being hardworking as seen above. But just digressing for a moment...

I had one of the best Sashimi and Nigiri yesterday. I love Japanese food. Really. Ok, I shall not carry on talking about food just in case I start having cravings again.

I was flipping through Fortune (Issue: Global 500) during breakfast and read an article on Noble Group. Reading such stuff always make me go, 'wahhhhh.............' Flipped through the other pages and read about the power shift and the world's largest corporations and I go 'Wooo.........' I really admire the executives' intelligence, confidence, decisiveness, coolness and whatever not. They seem or rather are, out of my league. But its always nice to daydream every once in awhile.

And so they ranked the top 500 world's largest corporations. I skimmed through the whole list trying to find one from Singapore. Surprise, Surprise, Flextronics International came in at 378 (a fall from 292) and guess what, Malaysia's Petronas is before us at 121! (Haha no, I'm not trying to imply anything!)

And I realized that there are really quite a few South Korean corporations on the list. Hmm... wb, good foresight, learn more Korean and you are good to go.

Just if you are interested, the top 5 are:

Wal-Mart Stores (U.S.)
EXXON Mobil (U.S.)
Royal Dutch Shell (Netherlands)
BP (Britain)
Toyota Motor (Japan)

3 out of 5 are oil and gas companies - where the big bucks are!
And well done Japan - the only Asian country in the top 5. (YEAH! JAPAN ROCKS!)

Digressing further...
I know I said that I would not talk about food previously. But what is Huiling without food?! And so here we go...

Weather was looking good today and I made it to Econs. After my one and only lecture for the day, I decided that I should reward myself for... listening in class. So I decided to go grocery shopping AGAIN! I know I shouldn't since 1 week ain't up yet, but I have this crazy craving for standard milk (not the trim ones) recently and mine is running low at home and I know my cravings would drive me crazy in the middle of the night and I will keep thinking about it and I will be inefficient in everything -> substantial reason for going another round of grocery shopping.

If thats not enough, I also ran out of toilet paper and softener which are also adequate reasons to go grocery shopping. AND I thought a walk would be good to clear some thoughts. Anyways, I was kinda 'torn apart' when deciding where I should shop at - TaiPing (Asian grocery store) or Foodtown. At last, I decided I should go both. (I need to/must/have to/dying to buy avocados in Taiping).

So I made my way to Foodtown and to my HORROR there were SO many BARGAINS I really felt like buying the whole Foodtown. The freaking beef was so inviting, I subconsciously took 3 packets. Of course I had to buy milk and I also must buy spaghetti, I also needed to buy tuna, I also felt compelled to buy bread, I was also coerced to buy toilet paper, I was also induced to buy Mayo, I was also convinced to buy Pasta sauce, I also needed to buy instant noodles and how can I forget about my precious bread?!

And suddenly I was awakened from my frenzy and realized that I can no longer make it to Taiping any more!!! There was just so much stuff in the trolley I don't think I can carry it back. If you think that I did not practise self-control, you are SO wrong. I gave up buying Salmon, fish paste, avocados, peaches, lettuces, sausages and juice! And I'm still brooding about it. You have no idea how much I wanted to get Salmon and avocados and sausages!!!! RAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! If only I had a lorry and a driving license.

And yes, I suffered on the way back. 4litres of milk/softener and 1 bottle of Pasta sauce in my bag and all of the above plus carrots, onions and canned food in my hands. I never learnt my lesson. I was crawling up the stupid slope and felt a scary similarity between that and the time I was lugging my luggage from the bus stop -___-"". Call me spoilt brat but I hate to carry heavy stuff. I've this random thought whenever I walk back from the grocery store - a kind driver or passerby would take pity on me and give me a lift home or help me carry. And I would fantasize sitting in the car and within seconds I'll be home. Or if its a passerby, the weight I'm carrying would be half... *daydreams... and before I know it, I'm home and nobody came to help. -___-""

Ok. Bye bye. I'm going to study like I've an exam tomorrow.

2008-08-03T13:01:00.000+08:00

Last night was good fun
And momo got a lil carried away
And decided that a lil alcohol will not kill
1 shot
And I was literally shot down
-________-""
Sigh.
Alcohol + Huiling = Embarrassment.

I really should and must abstain from alcohol.
I feel so sorry for the people who had to go through my nonsense.
I hope they will forget about it asap.
Rahhhh they will never see this, but gosh, I'm really so sorry!!!

P/s: Bon voyage WQ! Have great fun and take good care. I can't wait for my turn to do an exchange!!!! *jumps around with excitement

C.o.n.t.r.a.c.t.s.

2008-07-29T18:22:00.000+08:00

I hope it rains so heavily tonight such that

- Auckland city floods
- Major power failure in the city except my apartment
- Roads are too slippery to be driven on
- Winds too strong to walk along the streets
- Temperature too low for the lecturers to get out of their houses
- Everyone stays at home
- And taking into consideration all the above factors, the law lecturers decide that...

THE DEADLINE OF CONTRACTS OPINION IS POSTPONED!!!!!!!!!!
Please please please please please.... I'll pay you 5bucks to make that happen. (Unilateral contract with consideration)

Exit

2008-07-28T10:20:00.000+08:00

I refuse to admit that I like this song.
Rahhhhhhhh
Everyone.is.telling.me.that.economics.is.useless.
(I recently switched my major from Accounting to Economics)
But Huiling and Linghui always have a backup plan before they take on something seemingly and relatively unattractive.
CFA and ACCA.
Just wait and see. We will not stop here.

Huiling misses all of you! (Including those who I've never took any photos with).
Linghui doesn't, she knows that she is going to see you all sooner or later and reckons that you all miss her more. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
*Whines like mad: Weiqiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii............

WB and MP, see you all soon. Stop flying away when I'm flying back. I really miss you all. (I was threatened to say that)

Take care my dear Momos.

Haha I just saw these photos taken by don't-know-who. The beauty of my pineapple tarts.

What a pointless post.
Thats the effect of the imminent Contracts Opinion DEADline.
MP... my word count is still at 0. =(

I'm ok

2008-07-26T19:59:00.000+08:00

61 hours after arrival
xxxx
.
xxxxxxxxx
.
xxxx
.
xxxx
.
xxxx
.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
.
.
.
I'm ok.

xxxx!!!

one last post

2008-07-21T11:05:00.000+08:00

I'm probably left with approximately 2 more days before I return to Auckland, University, a foreign place, a home?
and
I'm feeling stressed, sad, relieved, frustrated, annoyed, tired, apprehensive, tensed?

I reckon I always make the same mistake albeit me warning myself not to do so every trip back.

Aim: Recuperate, Reflect and Rest
Actual Fact: Play, Chiong and Blocking out all thoughts
Outcome: Disorientated

But not as if I can do anything about it.
Anyhows, I don't think it would be as bad as the previous semester. I will try harder.
Good luck Momo, you got truckloads of work awaiting for your grand arrival in Auckland.

Ok, I write this with a heavy heart. I guess many think that I do not want to go back. Well partially, yes. I guess I'm reluctant because I know I wouldn't have an exactly good start to the semester because thanks to me and only me I just didn't keep to what I envisaged myself to do and I dread to rush for deadlines, have the constant nagging feeling to do this and do that at this time that place and I don't think I can assimilate easily and quickly to the darn weather over there. Yeah, its kinda trivial but Momo is not inherently adaptive to changes. She likes certainty but awe creativity, likes cinch but apprehends dubiety - no wonder my parents can never decipher me.

They: 'I don't get it. Do you like noisy, crowded places or quiet places.'
Me: 'Depends.'
They: 'You are very ironic. (Indicating more than 1 aspect)'
Me: 'Yeah. It all depends.'

Suddenly, I remembered the Ad by one of the credit cards for women, with the slogan 'Man just don't get it'. I thought that ad was pretty cool. Well at least it left an impression on me after so many years. It didn't mean much when I was younger, I just thought it was amusing but I guess I kinda get it now after seeing my parents behave and react when they are together. Gosh its so frustrating for both sides. I can understand both perspectives but its so difficult to explain. One uses the mind another uses the heart and the middle person (e.g. the children) have to use both heart and mind. And Momo doesn't want to use either. Yeah, what happened to my filial piety...

I get very fidgety round bout this time - trying to piece myself together and get ready for the next semester. Its like my head is the galaxy and all my thoughts and fears are colliding against each other like...whatever you call it...dark matter, stars and whatever not. I just need to get a full piece i.e. full brain when I get back. Yes, yes, yes very bad analogy. I shouldn't attempt to use such imagery to describe how I feel because I'm hopeless in the field of science.

Rah, whatever will come, will come. I'm not sad, I'm not happy, I'm just... guai lan. (Ok, I don't know what that means but Jo just asked why am I so guai lan on MSN. So it must be the word to describe me now.)

if only

2008-07-14T19:14:00.000+08:00

i know this is redundant. but still,
if only im stronger
if only i don't need to speak
if only someone would understand
if only i worked harder
if only i wasn't distracted
if only someone would know
if only you and you and you and i would stop making life difficult
if only i know what would happen
if only i know what should be
if only i know what to do
if only i know who am i
if only i know who are you
if only i knew, i need not be typing this

pocket got hole

2008-07-08T11:18:00.000+08:00

Before I start going on about what I've been doing, I got to complain how freaking easy it is for money to just creep out from your pocket.
Its like the Oreo advert - now you see it now you don't (ok, not very sure if its from Oreo but I'm very sure its from some food ad)

I had blue notes in my wallet, then it became red then it became purple then it became heavier - because it miraculously changes to coins. And where the hell all my money went to when my bag has nothing new in it after a day out?! My freakin stomach. Argh. Nothing new in my bag but always something new in my stomach.

I.will.stop.binging.

The past 2 weeks were really like..a holiday with all the freedom I want - my parents ain't in Singapore and I do not need to study (Linghui says so). For the sake of remembrance, I'll have a very brief summary of what I've done so I can look back and covet the stress-free life I have now (Linghui has a bad habit of making life difficult for Huiling haha)

Well, the main thing is always food and usually whatever meet ups I go to involves food. Actually, if you think about it a lil more, its not just me - whenever you guys meet up, you guys end up eating as well RIGHT! Right.

28-29 June - Eugene's birthday at Johor
There was so much food! Like..really heaps of it and I wanted and needed to try everything. I really tried controlling but there was just too much and I reckon the temptation was just too great to be warded off and at last, I ate so much till I had heartburn. I know, its very - ______-"". But trust me, if you were there, you would also eat that much! I bet you would ask why the rest didn't eat to that extend. Thats because its different - I haven't ate that for ages! Anyways, we played several group games which was freakin funny and it was good fun. The next day was alright - Dim Sum for breakfast - its dirt cheap and you can eat like a Godzilla and only pay a relatively small sum. I didn't eat like a Godzilla, only like a hippo because I've learned my lesson that heartburn is not a very nice experience to go through. After which, I ate 2 more sushis and we went for karaoke.

30 June - I finally read 1 Contracts case and met up with my flatmeat Carol for dinner.
1 July - Met Shing and Spencer for lunch at Thai Express and visited the Singapore Art Museum. The featured exhibitions we viewed were 'Post-Doi Moi: Vietnamese Art After 1990' and 'Alain Fleischer: Time Exposures'. Joseph joined us later for coffee at TCC in Bugis. After which, I met Jo to have dinner with my parents at Serangoon's coffee shop which our families frequent.
2 July - Met Jo briefly at Wheelock's Coffee Bean then GuiXian and Benice for dinner at Hokaido fair.
3 July - Met Jaime at PS and caught Hancock, dinner with my parents and they left for Mongolia.
4 July - Finally got my ass out and jogged/walked for awhile which probably was offset later with the food I ate. Damnit. Watched Prince Caspain with Jaime and met Jo and Hendric for Sushi Tei. Cabbed home and cooked my all-time favourite Bitter gourd with salted egg and black noodles for supper. Watched something something in Vegas (forgot the title)
5 July - Hen left early, Jo and I lagged quite a bit at home and forgo the plan to Pulau Ubin. Instead, we went to PS and had lunch at Thai Express, then dessert at Secret Recipe. When we are together, Jo spends money like water, I spend money like Trump. We somehow convince ourselves that we are rich when we are out together.
6 July - Feeling kinda motivated, I made my way down to the Coffee Bean at Gardens - the place we called 2nd home during JC. It was a nice quiet moment which I really appreciated. Then potluck with Jo and her friends. Felt outdoorsy that day and suggested that we should go star-gazing at East Coast. So I met up with Xiulu and took a bus down to East Coast. To kick start our 'adventure' we had dessert at a HK cafe. We were a lil unprepared - no tent, no torch, I brought a yoga mat (thats the best I had) and Xiulu had her sleeping bag. But it was still VERY cold and VERY uncomfortable and VERY sandy and there were MANY dodgy people. At last, after perpetually laughing at our stupidity, we packed up and went to Macs for some food. Walked round East Coast trying to find a spot and ultimately gave up and cabbed home at 5am. We then realized how comfortable is my bed.
7 July - Met Apple for lunch at Crystal Jade. Some complications and we ended up ordering more than what we could finished. But we did finish everything and sat there till the cows come home. Then met up with the most unlikely person, Mr Tham and Benice! It was really quite interesting.

Yeah, thats bout it, its been quite good since I do not need to think much the past few weeks =).

Fatigue defined

2008-06-27T10:49:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm finally back in Singapore! And it has been a very, very, very, very x1000000 tiring few days ever since.

The flight back was anything but short. I really hate taking planes alone because you have to wait perpetually.

First, you wait for the time to go to the airport, then you wait for the bus to take you to the airport, then you wait in the queue for your boarding pass, then you wait to go through the customs, then you wait for them to check your bags, then you wait to board, then you wait for the plane to take off, then you wait for the plane to land, then you wait for the plane to stop, then you wait for the doors to open, then you wait for everyone to get their hand carry bags and get off the plane, then you wait for your transiting flight, then at the meantime you decide to go and eat and you have to wait for a seat, then wait to order, then wait to eat, then wait to pay, then continue waiting for your connecting flight, then wait to board, wait to fly, wait to land, wait to get off, wait to go through customs, wait to get your bags and FINALLY you are home.

Anyway, I had a pleasant surprise from the Odacians when I arrived. It was around midnight and I've told them not to bother to pick me up since they have work the next day. But they still did - thanks, thats very nice. We went for supper and had
1) Laksa
2) Char Siew Rice
3) Fried Carrot Cake
4) Rou Cuo Mee
5)Teh Gao

Next morning, I went for 6) Japanese buffet at Kushin Bo with my parents. Gosh, I ate heaps and heaps of Sashimi, soft shell crab, sushi etc etc. Later in the evening, I met the girls for dinner for 7) Lor Mee and had 8) Old Chang Kee. After which, I went over to Jo's place.

Next day was to Batam for cable-skiing! We met early in the morning at Harbour Front for breakfast. I had 9) Nasi Padang. Took a relatively short ferry ride to Batam and a very short van ride to the cable-ski area to obviously, cable-ski. We first did the rounds using knee boards. It was really fun going around on water because it feels a lil like kayaking. Well, the water feels like sea water I reckon. Sad to say, after just 2 rounds of the knee board, I felt like my arms were really tired already. And that wasn't even the highlight of the whole trip. We were supposed to cable-ski. As the name suggests, ski, not board.

I really, really sucked at it and couldn't even stand up. But anyways, it was fun with the Odacians.
And, yes I admit I am fair (but not white) and Spencer is damn dark! (Refer to 2nd picture) Quote Spencer: No lah, cannot see the difference one [referring to the photo]And there is this extremely, awfully cute probably mix breed dog and golden retriever puppy residing in that area.
It has been quite some time since I've been out in the sun doing these kinda outdoorsy stuff and it felt good. Somehow Edmund thinks I'm emo because I was just sitting at one corner admiring the surroundings. That is relaxing. That is not emo. Oh, we had 10) Mee Goreng for lunch

We reached Singapore around 6 plus 7 and had dinner over at Seah Imm. I had 11) Yong Tau Foo and 12) Sugar Cane. Rushed home to get changed and rushed out again to cab down with Jo to Zouk. Gosh, I was kinda wasted by then because my arms were aching slightly and I'd quite a major sun burn on my thighs. The most unfortunate thing was wearing my mom's heels. Right, I decided that I could get everything in Singapore so I didn't bother bringing much back. Obviously heels weren't in my luggage. And my mom's heels was... o.m.g. the most pain-inflicting thing on earth. I 'jogged' out with that horrid thing to catch a cab since I was pretty late and even before everything started, my feet were hurting.

Linghui: mind over matter, mind over pain. Anyway, after the very long night, my feet were swollen with blisters, on top of the sunburn. In fact, after the whole day and night, my whole body was full of injuries. My neck, my shoulders (sunburn and muscle ache), sunburned thighs, bruised back, bruised knee (I hit the podium when I was trying to get over it in Zouk) swollen and blistered feet and blistered hands.

In Zouk, I drank, and drank, and drank:
water. Ok, the only drink which I really finished was water. I'd only a few sips of alcohol and everyone pulled me back when I decided that I should have more. I think I go into that state of I-want-more-even-if-I-cannot-take-it when I have just a few sips of alcohol. Thank god, I was stopped, I do not want to go through a night like what I did previously in Auckland.
In between, I had 13) Egg Prata, 14) Milo, 15) Bangdong - don't know how to spell and 16) Some mee goreng look alike which is fried with instant noodles or vermicelli. I was really, really, really tired and in pain as the night passes - I even fell asleep on the slide at the playground.

Reached home around 5plus am, knocked out and woke up around noon. Made way to our usual place for 17) Ban mian, 18) Fried carrot cake 19) Ching Teng, 20) Chicken rice. The walk there was painful because by then, the muscle ache was at its full lethal stage and every step I made was a pain on my feet, thighs and shoulders. The combination of sunburns and muscle aches was just...bloody frustrating because you do not know if you should apply muscle rub to counter the inner pain or aloe vera for the outer pain.

It was frustrating yet amusing when we were walking in J8 because we look like 2 injured soldiers. Jo's shoes were worn off and wore my dad's very 'therapeutic' slippers - it supposedly facilitates blood circulation with its 'spikey' base which in actual fact, probably bruised her feet. Both of us were walking in such awkward fashion I reckon we attracted quite a bit of attention. The uncle in the coffee shop asked me what happened to my legs (it was red), some promoter asked too, many threw shocking stares, Jo's mom thinks that its 'hen mei' - very beautiful. Haha, thats the only positive comment I got so far.

We caught 'Wanted' in AMK, its freaking cheap - 6bucks only! But that movie was crap, I fell asleep half way through. Had 21) Carrot cake and 22) Soya bean before heading back to Jo's place for dinner. Her mom's cooking is damn good! Had my FAVOURITE 23) Bitter gourd with eggs, 24) Soup, 25) Fish, 26) Meat - Ok, I do not know what are their specific names but it is damn nice! Its been ages since I'd home cooked food - mind not counted.

I am perpetually full here, never a single second hungry because once I am, I'll definitely buy something to stuff down my throat. I really, really, really love the food here. Oh, despite being so full, I also drank 27) bubble tea last night and slept with a full stomach. This morning, I went to the hawker I always go since Kindergarten and had 28) Sheng Mian 29) Meefen mian with Zi cai ji and 30) Yong Tau Foo. Super.size.me.

Gosh, I hit 30 kinda local food within 3.5full days in Singapore. As much as I want to exercise - run, cycle, swim, badminton - I can't because of all those injuries. Alrighty, I am gonna take a very very good rest today so I shall hang out with my parents =) and do some reflections... and of course, get ready for this weekend for a trip to Malaysia with slackers! Eat. eat, eat, more food, more food, more food!
I'm so tired.

Pre-Examination Symptoms

2008-06-18T21:10:00.000+08:00

1. Excessive blogging
I think this is obvious enough to even elaborate.

2. Copious amounts of food
Ok, instant noodles to be exact. Its the only time I do that when I have groceries in my fridge but still indulge in instant noodles. Simply because it is tasty, fast and filling.

3. Hibernation mode
Sleeps more than whats sufficient for the first couple of days to hide away from the looming exams and goes into a state of trepidation when I realize that no matter how hard I try to hide, reality finds me.

4. Mood fluctuations
I shall not use 'mood swings' here because it has this negative connotation to it and I like deceiving myself that I am immune to that common mistake girls make. Yes, my mood fluctuates and will hit resonance every now and then. (I'm quite sure that word shouldn't be used like that but I just thought fluctuations and resonance go well together) And when that happens, I turn into something worse.

5. Savagery
I start being the total opposite of my usual 'gentle' self. (Yes, you know how 'gentle' I usually am, imagine a few times worse).

6. Isolation
Decided that I should be a good Samaritan and hopefully prevent others from experiencing my wrath, I know I should be with no one else but myself. But paranoia and fear and pessimism and whatever rubbish you can think of sets in. So off I go to cafes or msn so that it feels that there are people around me but at the same time I will not assault them in anyway. Whats more, how stress can you be when you are sitting in a nice cafe sipping aromatic coffee? (VERY when you are studying Accounting but still much less than home).

7. Stop talking or start talking rubbish
Either I try to live a day being a mute or talk so much rubbish you just want to shut me up. (Yes, mp, now you know why I was saying all those nonsense just now bout KKK)

8. Sudden urge to prove my point
A horrid habit and risky thought I always wanted to try - Either missing the exam or just NOT study at all, fail it or do way below expectations to prove my point that I do not care, I do not like the paper I'm doing, I am not a perfectionist, I am not paper chasing, I am not the good student you want me to be, I am a slacker, I am me and I am just gonna do what I like. But sad to say, I have not done that before.

The closest I got was maybe in Sec 3 when I refused to study for Social Studies because I thought it was bullcrap with all those propaganda. I didn't do that well but I didn't fail either. So its not strong enough to stand for my point.

The next one was in J2 when I walked out during the Math paper during Prelims. But I reckon thats more of a mental breakdown than a statement. Yes, I failed that paper but the motivating factor behind that was - shit I can't do it, not - this is not what I like so I'm not doing it.

9. Enter the abyss of thought
Not exactly the best time but I start thinking about everything and anything about my life, the world, the past, future, present, friends, family and stuff. After which unfathomable questions arise which questions the basis of everything I am doing and live for. Definitely not a very pleasurable experience.

10. Marriage
Ok, this is utterly nonsensical but I shall end this post by exposing my most well-hidden fact - not going to say it is a secret else I wouldn't even be typing it here. Its just something I think its a lil too...well, random.

I feel like getting married during the exams period because I think it is one of the most perfect way of escaping the tortures of it. For example, if you get married and have a stable family, it means you are settled for life and do not need to worry for your exams because:
- Your spouse will still love you even if you do badly for the exams. (Ok, thats if you find a spouse who love you not for your exams results)
- You do not need to prove that you are smart to anyone because the person who matters already know you are or doesn't mind that you are not.
- You know for sure that there is someone there to support you when you get back your exams results.
- You know doing badly wouldn't make much of a difference as doing well because you have a husband to support you financially.
- Maybe your husband can teach you or maybe your husband says you DO NOT NEED to take the exams because he will support you for life. (OMG I SO WILL MARRY THIS GUY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA)

O.M.G. I just typed some of the most nonsensical stuff again. You see, when Huiling stops trying to be rational and sane and goes back to being herself, she comes up with the most harebrained ideas/actions/theories. That is why I must control myself and not just let loose and start doing what I like or else... I'm going to bring calamity unto myself.

Ok, back to marriage (now I realize why I keep talking about marriage recently). I was talking to mp just now and I came up with the best idea. She asked me when I wanna get married. I said during graduation! Here are all the perks of getting married during graduation, in order of importance:

1. Save money -
Isn't it obvious enough how much money you can save? You don't need to buy a wedding gown, you just get married in your graduation gown - it isn't too sloppy and it looks cool and smart.
Plus you save on your wedding/graduation photo.
Your husband and friends only need to give you 1 present for 2 huge occasions.
Only 1 dinner is required.

2. Save time -
You celebrate 2 occasions in 1 day.

3. Save trouble -
Your friends only need to attend once for 2 celebrations.

4. Trying to be special -
Not everyone does this kinda things so you and your spouse are kinda unique.

Haha, I am writing everything in point form recently! Must be the effects of doing too much note-writing.

Alright, I will stop here before I start rambling on about all my random thoughts and images I have in my mind. I will spare you that.

I.can.do.it.

2008-06-18T05:51:00.000+08:00

I just need to further psycho myself by reminding Huiling and Linghui that they are going home soon.

Just 5 more days. Monday is coming really soon, before they know it, they will be complaining about the stifling heat and eating like a T-Rex.

Before that they just need to be convinced that:

Linghui have to disappear and give full ownership of the mind and body to Huiling.
Utilize every bit of energy and mind power to get through financial accounting.
Believe that they embrace accounting.
Its not a time of doldrums.
Will not be too upset after the paper.
Contain her sudden outbursts of excitements in the middle of the night.
Start packing.

I think I will get really irascible the next few days and start being very fidgety on Monday because...grrrr... I've do a transit in Msia since I'm taking M'sian Airlines (cheapest!). Freaking 15hours of traveling. The flight better not be delayed else I'll suffer seizures induced by...hypertension. Hope to see you guys soon! =)

When Huiling gets bored with life...

2008-06-11T16:19:00.000+08:00

she starts indulging in frolicsome play - which usually leads to undesired results.

1. Another attempt to run to Mission Bay.
Yes, I succeeded but not in the most pleasurable way. So we are entering the winter season and its getting cold. Some how or another, Linghui managed to convinced Huiling that it WILL NOT be cold during the run to Mission Bay. It WILL NOT be cold running next to the sea. It WILL NOT be cold during winter. It WILL be OK to run in shorts. Huiling was convinced. She happily wore shorts and started her run.

Half way through, it got a lil chilly. She saw dark clouds in front. Linghui convinced Huiling that the wind is strong. It will blow the dark clouds to somewhere else by the time we are there. So they refused to turn back. It started to drizzle. 'Endure, endure, you can do it, you can do it, almost there, almost there, IT WILL NOT RAIN'. Before she knew it, it was pouring. She was 5km away from home, no shelter around, no cellphone, in her shorts and her ipod almost going for a swim. Since she was already wet, might as well complete the run - and so happily she ran to Mission Bay in the freezing cold rainy day.

And, yes!!!!!! She finally reached Mission Bay but couldn't really stay any longer because she looked like some lunatic who is drenched inside out, dripping water all around. Took forever to run back to the city and felt the fatigue creeping in. STILL she decided to go grocery shopping. 12KM run + carrying groceries - you might think that she has lost weight.

HELL NO. That leads to frolicsome play #2.

2. Food binging
After that long run and feeling immensely satisfied, I decided I deserve a huge treat. And that treat lasted for the whole week after the run. One of the days I cooked 3 cups of rice which is equivalent to 1 small pot of cooked rice - envisaging it to last me for a few days but miraculously it finished within 1 day. Subsequently, there was yong tau foo, prawn noodles, wontan mee, angels hair with avocado, eating out and eating a lot. Yes, I was a lil guilty, I wanted to exercise but I injured my leg after that 12km run. Yes, I spent heaps on food recently. And that also leads to my frolicsome play #3.

3. Spending as if I own Sky City and the casino
Since I've spent so much already, might as well spend more. Its like a slippery slope. I spent quite a bit the other day. But still, momo feels kinda..empty. With the exams closing in, momo feels VERY agitated because she has to STUDY the most BORING subject on earth during the time she is most BORED with life...ACCOUNTING!!! So to ease the pain, she decides to inflict that pain to others by carrying out her frolicsome play #4.

4. Counterstrike
*Chants: self-control, self-control, self-control. Awhile later, RAH! Just 5 minutes! *Double click the CS icon on desktop and start engaging in the somewhat intellectual game of shooting terrorists or counter-terrorists. Usually I die before everyone does which triggers the drive in me to WIN. And yes, usually the game lasts more than 5 minutes. I must have looked like a maniac to the people in Starbucks today - dodging invisible gun shots. STILL, I feel that life gotta be more than running, eating, studying and playing CS. There MUST be something else to do...RIGHT?! Right. So, on to my frolicsome play #5.

5. Hair Dye
I packed my bag, left Starbucks, made my way down to Foodtown and bought a bottle of hair dye. Not many colours available, picked a brown one (the cheapest one I can find which can be covered by the voucher sent to me recently). Went home excitedly with my new toy. Finally, something to look forward to tonight - yes, cheap thrill.

Opened the box, felt that I got cheated because they didn't provide the gloves which they supposedly have (as stated on the box), made a huge mess and waited for the dye to seep into my hair - and psyching myself that brown is a lucky colour and would definitely bring me good luck during my exams next week. (If you don't already know, I really DO NOT like accounting and am going to rely a lot on luck).

To my dismay, after washing the dye off...my hair is still... BLACK! Box reads: '...applies to your natural hair colour with up to 50% grey hair...will not lighten your hair' Right... what makes me think that black is lighter than brown. #$%^&*( I just wasted my precious money, time and effort!!!

I have concluded that this totally isn't the right month for me. On top of that, I got a $10 fine from the library for overdue books (I naively thought that overdue rates would more or less be similar to Singapore). But whatever it is, I believe that I'm experiencing such bad luck only because all the good luck would flood in during the release of exams results. (Right, continue dreaming Huiling.)

Sigh, ok some short updates..although I just did a VERY long one. Haha.

Cheryl's 21st

MCC Case Competitions

We got into finals! But I did crap.
Sigh, I will stop trying to spice up my life for now - and turn to the more conservative and mundane side of life - start.studying.for.accounting.exams.

Just 2 more weeks.

2008-06-09T05:19:00.000+08:00

It has been quite sometime since I posted something proper.
Maybe I've been busy, maybe too much stuff happened till I don't know where to start, maybe I just felt like being a bum.

To cut things short, the good thing which came out from this shit semester is an air ticket back to Singapore.
A place which allows me to revert back to...me. The comfortable side of me I guess.

My parents didn't really object the idea of me going back - maybe because they see a relatively more substantial need to do so. But they still question every they talk to me. Why must I fly back. What am I going to do. What is the difference and stuff like that. I do not exactly feel like answering because I know there isn't much of a use.

But thank god, a few days after booking my flight back, I received a letter from uni informing me that I got the Lee Foundation Grant, which covers the cost of my ticket back and a little extra. So whenever they say that I am wasting money, I have at least something to use as my defense - its my money.

I've learned quite a bit this year, some hard lessons but I should be able to take it. Anyways, when all things fail, I still got my ultimate method of finding solace - running.

Not that running solves the problem but it makes problems seem smaller and less significant. When I run, I see the other side of life. I know it sounds ridiculous but try running to Mission Bay or Princes Wharf at Viaduct, you will get what I mean. Thats another reason why you guys should come over to NZ and visit me =)for those who already have, add 'more often' to the latter line.

Well, its 2 more weeks and I will be back. I didn't feel the excitement or the vibe initially but now I do. I can't wait to feel how I usually feel, see the familiar faces, complain about the stifling heat, have my food binging sessions, hug all my friends and laugh at them. Most importantly, a breakaway from this life I'm leading here. Its not all that bad, really. Its just nice to return to somewhere familiar once in awhile and remember who I really am.

I know this sounds weird to you but oh wells, I am a lil weird.

Really friends, I can't wait to see you guys again.

self-destruction

2008-05-28T09:41:00.001+08:00

Home

2008-05-21T11:03:00.000+08:00

I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old

So I'm going home.

Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,

The closer I get to you.

I've not always been the best man or friend for you.

But your love, remains true.

And I don't know why.

You always seem to give me another try.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all, yeah.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old.

So I'm going home.

I'm going home.

2008-05-17T15:11:00.001+08:00

i'm so bloody sorry

2008-05-13T20:26:00.000+08:00

It hasn't been a good month,
it hasn't been a good year.

I have never pushed myself to such unthinkable extents for such a prolonged period and it has been daunting.

I can feel the weariness both physically and mentally and I know at the back of my mind that I'm physically running on caffeine and mentally sustaining on faith. The psychic upheaval caused by everything that is happening and has happened is really tough to bear and the route forward seems fogged.

I guess, its a difficult situation to explain but I know there is only 1 route I can take to get out of this, even if its blurred. How strong is my faith - I don't know. What IS my faith - I've no idea.

I realized, that I've changed so much.
I'm so different.
But yet again, I'm so fundamentally the same.

2008-05-11T09:57:00.000+08:00

I
will
never
ever
ever
drink
again
.

this will be realllly short!

2008-05-05T17:46:00.000+08:00

rah! i'm blogging excessively! this happens when work gets piling up and to convince that i've enough time to finish everything, momo goes on her own frolic - either daydreaming, blogging, msning blah blah blah except doing real solid work.

anyways, i'm locked out of my own apartment now because i lost my blardy access card which costs 60 bucks to get a new one. SIXTY BUCKS! you must be kiddin me. I refuse to pay for it and so i will camp in the i/c temporarily till nat gets home.

hohoho, i juuussttt read an email sent by toby, my torts tutor bout e prep for moots:

Introductions - At the start of the moot the Judge will enter the room, sit, and indicate that you may start. The senior on each team (usually the person who goes first, unless you think one of you should be "senior" for some other reason) stands and introduces themselves and their junior as follows: "May it please the court, my name is [last name only] and I appear for the [party you represent]. I will be assisted by my junior counsel [last name of your partner]" You may also (briefly) describe the points of argument each of you will be covering.

Addressing the Court - The Judge is "your honour". Cases can be cited by their name only (you do not need to cite their law report references as well) Your opponent is "my learned friend".

i really dreaded it initially but when i was reading it, i kinda think it would be fun! i can sooo imagine myself shaking and stammering and uttering nonsense during my moot. luckily, it is not graded but unluckily, ur peers can laugh at your or rather my nervousness and probably random answers. HAHA omg i just remembered ytd's Q&A when the judge asked something bout the Porsche and i gave a very stupid answer and i am very sure his jaw dropped.

AND THIS IS REALLY CRAZY!

2008-05-04T16:28:00.000+08:00

HAHAHHAHAHA OMG WHAT A BLOODY CRAZY DAY TODAY WAS!

We had a mgmt consulting case competition today which we were informed a few days before and we had no time to pract at all. J was in camp, I had a report due, J had a test, C had other stuff and no one met up till the very last minute for a very short discussion and that was it.

today was e real thing but i was like, oh we are so not gonna make it because we nvr even pract any freaking thing. e 3hrs prep time was crazy, the lights went out, we panicked, argued, freaked out and were trying so bloody hard to come up with viable strategies and slides.

i knew we were totally screwed cause i dont even knw what was i gg to present except e implementation part. went in and stood in frnt of e panel of judges. my heart sank thinking tt we are gg to be talking crap.

when it was my turn i started gg on bout e time line and how are we gg to implement e strategies and blah (our case was about Posche trying to enter e American SUV mkt). i was really SO INTIMIDATED.

Q&A was tough. really difficult to think on e spot and answer with confidence. we didnt manage to finish our presentation in time. in fact we left half of it out. we knew we were totally screwed but thought it was a gd experience

BUTTT when the announced that we got into e semi finals, we burst out laughing. We were like..WTH!!!!!!!! I dont knw. it was just so unexpected. HAHAHAAHAH

And it gets crazier

2008-05-02T19:56:00.000+08:00

I thought things couldn't get crazier in my life these past few weeks..
but hell no.

As you all would have already know, SR Nathan was in NZ recently. There was a tea reception held in Langham Hotel, mainly for him to meet Singaporeans residing in NZ. The invitation to the tea party was extended by the Sg High Comm to my bro, since he was the president of Sg Club over in UC. He couldn't make it and asked if I could go on his behalf. And so, thats how the invitation was extended to me.

I was really reluctant to go initially, mainly because I was dead tired and intimidated. But like always, my parents persuaded/coerced/pressured me to go by saying how foolish I would be if I miss that valuable opportunity and blah blah blah. Of course, they enticed me with the fact that there would be Sgporean students, business associates, important people etc there as well.

Ok, so this ignorant momo focused all her energy on her presentation the day before and was utterly worn out on the day of the tea reception. It started at 5, down Symonds St and at 4, momo was still sitting at home, not showered, not packed, not dressed, not prepared and gleefully surfing the net and msning. Then dad called and emphasized the importance of the event which got me a bit panicked and rushed off getting ready. And yes, I was almost late. I actually had to run in my heels from home all the way to Langham, which is around 20min walk. I reached there just in time.

To my horror.... there were no student-like faces which I felt that I could communicate easily with. Apparently, I am one of the youngest, unless you're talking about the 3 year old kid one couple brought. Most were way older, already hanging out in their groups and I had to think of all kinds of ideas to infiltrate into their group and conversations.

Luckily, I spotted a relatively young fella standing at one corner and momo quickly took her move and tried being friendly and approached him. (Not a favourable style of mine to randomly approach people but in view of survival, I figured out this is essential) My fear and worries were gradually mitigated and I felt a lil more comfortable. Soon, a lady approached us and we started talking and she introduced us to this concept called Social Entrepreneurship and her organization called Social Innovation Park. After some time, momo realized she was one of the MPs.

It was a very enriching conversation which sparked some interest in me. It was a bit overwhelming but still something new and refreshing for me. Half way through SR Nathan came around shaking our hands and having small talks with us. He is really nice and affable. Soon after I ventured out and tried to talk to some other people. Deep down I felt really nervous and intimidated by everyone around me but I reckon you just got to pretend as if you're really friendly and confident.

After awhile, she approached me again, this time introducing me to the Director of Asian Development of University of Auckland, who coincidentally is a Singaporean too! And what tops it up is that he is based in the business school and has background in banking and finance. We discussed about quite a lot of issues which were once out of my radar. I was quite overwhelmed by the whole experience but with hindsight, I realized it was just the start. They invited me to join them for a short tour out of Auckland city today and of course, I gladly accepted.

It was a very brain draining day I reckon. Due to my poor general knowledge, I'd trouble figuring out who were they talking about. They talked about all those names of prominent figures in various industries, about business, about the current economy, worldly issues, their current projects etc. Gosh, I was under quite a tremendous amount of stress to ask hopefully intelligent questions and try not to look too stupid or ignorant. It was just amazing knowing how wide are her networking skills. They were talking about movers and shakers, renowned people like Richard Branson, famous celebrities like Cameron Diaz and others which I have no idea who they are - blame it on my ignorance.

I can literally hear my heart pounding when they were discussing about all these stuff. That was totally out of my imagination - I can't believe I'm sitting with a person with such a huge base of network and she actually proposed to me the idea of implementing Social Entrepreneurship in NZ which sensibly should be started in the University. Its just absurd to me. Its very exciting but I can feel my body shivering. There were many ideas put forward both from her and the director which sounds so far-fetched to me as a student. Social functions, dinner with the vice chancellor etc. There was just so much to take in today I now feel totally overpowered by the information.

What an eye-opener.

limitless

2008-04-26T04:50:00.000+08:00

haha haha haha
this is e same old shit im in again.
time check: 9am, just reached home and showered and waiting for my hair to dry and therefore blogging.

the only difference is its accting not law which screwed us up this time round.

so i woke up at 11am and started on my part, met e rest at 3pm and started compiling, did massive restructuring and correcting. got really irritated by one of them who either doesnt give a shit abt e poject or just doesnt knw how to express herself.

1 arrived at 7pm another left at 9pm and e rest stayed in ic till 12am when it closed.moved on to friend's hall and contd working. got really annoyed with a lot of stuff but was still able to hold my temper. mom called in e middle of e night demanding to knw where am i. and why havent i been home for e past 3 nights. told her tt ive alr txted my dad which i can reasonably presume wud convey e msg to her since they were tgt, tt i was not gg back last night cause ive a deadline to meet but she insists tt i didnt and it was my fault. i told her tt i did and she prob didnt dad's phone but she still insisted there wasnt such a txt. so i said tt there must be something wrong with e line (although i really still believe tt they didnt check properly LIKE ALWAYS) but she contd gg on bout how it was my fault tt i didnt make sure tt e txt was received by them (!?!?!?!?) how wud i knw tt there wud be something wrong with the line?? and then she went on asking for my friend's number (???) and e exact location i am in (i told her tt its useless cause she wudnt knw where is tt)and contd scolding/complaining/expressing her dissatisfaction and dont knw what else did she say.

anyways, i didnt have e time and energy to argue with her and concluded definitively tt it wasnt my fault because ive alr did what i could and she shud just stop arguing w me and just CHECK e phone which is e BEST WAY TO SOLVE E WHOLE HOOHAH. i think she did and refused to admit tt it was her fault she hung up on me LIKE ALWAYS AGAIN.

but whatever. ive no time or energy to be fuming abt tt, i went straight back to work. by 5am everyone zonked out but i reckon im a bit too used to such situations i was still able to go on. but it gets quite annoying when u still have to squeeze the very last bit of brain juice u've left after e whole day/night's work and there u see e rest stoning/slping/staring. rahhhhhh okay, i get very agitated without slp.

i kinda stopped talking frm 5am onwards and just edited e whole darn report myself n nearly exploded when i saw what was written in e executive summary but i shall not elaborate tt. by then, i just wanted to finish it in e fastest manner and GO HOME AND BATHE AND SLP.

by 730am, i couldnt care less and just concluded tt it was done. they got it to pdf format and sent it out e lecturer and other grps while i dozed off. after which THE REPORT WAS FINALLY COMPLETED and they fetched me home. on e way back, e streets were so empty its as if there have just been a war.

AND WHEN U THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS OVER....

NAH!

grp presentation on tues - slides not done and speech not written. HAHAHAHA
im amazed by how long i can last in this absurd working condition.
as u can see, im immune. i actually still have e energy to type such a long post after such a long report. but as u can also see, im venting my frustrations.

but momo has everything planned out. will slp for a couple of hours first, then clean up e whole freaking dirrrrtttyyy house, do e laundry, vacuum, mop, blah blah blah, cook, eat and slp again, photocopy notes next morn (note selling busi up and running again =DDD) finish another assignment, reckon another grp meetin -_______-"" readings for law =(( take a long walk to mission bay for a break and a breather, grocery shopping =| and hopefully, slp early!

rah!

but nah, im totally fine and still gg strong.

=)

Chronicles of Momo

2008-04-24T05:33:00.000+08:00

YAY! I survived last night!!!

thought id plenty of time to do e editing and referencing after dinner.
thought i shud reward myself w gd food, seeing tt e opinion was almost done. finally abandoned e instant noodles cum bread diet n went for jap dinner.
thought tt i was near to completion of e opinion.
thought tt i could finally get a full continuous 6hrs slp.

wrong wrong wrong.

started e day at 8am. lects, grp work, lects, dinner. settled in e i/c at 7pm. thought id more than enough time and started msning, surfing, talking. 9pm - 700 more words to cut down. 10pm - citation not done, still over e word limit. 11pm - spacing out. 12am i/c closed. went to friends house and contd. 1am - draft 10 formed. 2am friend helped to edit. 5am - almost done.

FIVE THIRTY SEVEN AM HUILING REALIZED A WHOLE CHUNK OF LAW DISAPPEARED.

537am-??? huiling just stared into nothingness and friend retyped. 7am - contd citations. 730am - doesnt care anymore and came up with own citations. 820am - walked to law schl and handed it in. 9am - finally, home, alive.

10am - showered, waiting for hair to dry so started blogging.
10am - the rest of e day - not gg to any more lects and finally, her desired slp.

=)

2008-04-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

*screams:
I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVEN IF I HAVE TO PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER, I WILL FINISH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOOOYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AND HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY WILD BOAR!

*scrambles off to finish her work.

Salmon Sashimi......................................................

2008-04-18T09:48:00.000+08:00

After working incessantly for 2 nights on this research essay...
and I'm pretty much zonked out now...
I just got to say that....

I'm craving so much for sashimi!
Do you know how much I'm craving for it?
Its as much as my cravings for tauhuay, wanton mee, kway chap, sugar cane, sushi tei, chicken rice, nasi lemak, soya bean, roti prata, mee siam and teh gao!!!!!!!
Shing, your blog's fault.

Don't post food pictures on your blogs! It makes me go crazy when I see them! hahaha

Remember your purpose?

2008-04-17T13:20:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile since I've ran away hiding.

But I can still feel a lil purpose lingering within me, which would burgeon into a strong motivational force.

There are changes which I wanted to make, but have forgotten along the way.

I told a friend a few years back with zest and drive that the world is gonna be my playground from then onwards, but it seemingly demonized after awhile.

But you know and I know it, that whether life is beautiful or ugly depends on your perspective. You can find all kinda reasons to justify each side but at the end of the day, which would ultimately make you a happier person?

I'm sure you know.

When I recover, I'm gonna fight back.
And its gonna be soon.

Stirring

2008-04-13T20:59:00.000+08:00

I finally garnered the courage to post this entry.

Well, its been the 2nd night since Mom and Dad left and although this is the 2187390th time I've experienced good byes, I still find it afflictive.

I still can't help but feel a rush of emotions when they were loading their luggages into the car. Just a lil more than a month ago, I said goodbye to the Odacians and now again, I'd to say good bye to my parents. Like always, I couldn't bear seeing them drive away. I swiftly closed the car doors and muttered 'bye', without even saying 'have a smooth flight' and quickly walked home.

I told myself that I WILL NOT CRY but my tears just kept flowing. This is why:

The 2 days before they left, they drove me to places which are far from town because they knew I wouldn't go to such places if they weren't here.

They insisted that I bring forward my orthodontist appointment so they can drive me there. (Although it was really inefficient and unnecessary because they had to make 2 trips)

They stocked up so much food for me (such that I think I can survive a year of war)

My mom stayed up the whole night to clean up the house, marinate the meat, do the laundry, basically everything she can such that I can be a bum the next few weeks without worrying about food or housework.

Whenever we do grocery shopping my mom fights with me over the carrying of stuff. She says she that if I continue carrying such heavy stuff which I always do, I will become shorter (???) and I'll have a difficult time giving birth (?!?!?) Sounds like a warped logic but you get my point.

They make me feel like a real princess - I DON'T DO ANY HOUSEWORK WHEN THEY ARE HERE! She wakes up early in the morning to prepare breakfast when I said that bread would do.

Whatever they do is always because of me, me, me, ME AND ME and of course my brother. Basically, us, kids.

My mom always says that my Dad spends all his money on us and he only buys 3 for $10 Pasar Malam shirts when he is a General Manager.

I guess my attitude towards them perceptibly changed since Sec School, JC. They ruled my life with an iron fist. I reproach them for pushing me into things I don't like. But as I grew older, they gradually see my point and on my part, saw their painstaking efforts.

I venerate them.

My friends came over the night they left which brought me assuagement. I'm thankful for that although I guess they would never know.

Yeah I am a lucky shitass who always get stuck in her own whirlpool and I deserve to get a lashing out from somebody if I don't get my ass moving.

Huiling tells herself: pull yourself together you lousy momo!!

Oh! And I really like this prologue written by Bill Clinton:

'I have been graced beyond measure by my family life with Hillary and Chelsea. Like all families' lives, ours is not perfect, but it has been wonderful. Its flaws, as all the world knows, are mostly mine, and its continuing promise is grounded in their love. No person I know ever had more or better friends. Indeed, a strong case can be made that I rose to the presidency on the shoulders of my personal friends, the now legendary FOBs.'

[Edited]
Haha, I thought this was quite funny. We always don't listen to each other:
chen - my dad
Huiling - of course thats me

chen says:
r u there

Huiling says:
yeah

chen says:
we r back to office

Huiling says:
huh singapore?

Huiling says:
i thought u were in bangkok

chen says:
aiyah,you never listen did you

chen says:
we were in bangkok only for a night cos we need to be back to office to finish up some urgent matters then we are off to Hongkong on teuesday.

chen says:
did you go out with your friends

Huiling says:
nvr..i said so many times tt it was raining what..u also nvr listen

chen says:
u told mommy not me

chen says:
i am daddy

Huiling says:
i know, i told both of you whattt

HAHA

2008-04-12T07:10:00.000+08:00

she dreads farewells

2008-04-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

Today, I saw their courage.
They are just one of the many people you see on the streets everyday.
But each has their own compelling story to tell.

I wish them well.

I'll brace myself and suck it up.
Its all good. And will get better.

Take care momos.