why and how

It has been tough.

Updates!

And so my internship stint with WongPartnership has ended. That means I'm leaving for NZ soon!
Everyone's been leaving the past week - my bro, yan, Lisa, Joseph and more to come.

This hols have been one of the longest, the last 2 hols were spent traveling but not this - I've been in Singapore most of the time. Lets all blame it on the recession! Disgruntled by the missed opportunity, I'm planning a vacation in Australia this July! Whether it would materialize is still a question mark, but...at least I took the first step in exchanging for Aussie dollars hahaha, cheap thrill.

I've done 2 or 3 internships this summer, depending on how you see it. All of which are from different industries. ICON is a small company but has a strong and diverse client base. It has nothing to do with what I'm studying. Their main business is strategic communications and deals a lot with the media. People from that field are really...one of a kind. They seem very willing and at ease in giving me work. I reckon thats one of the plus points in working in a small company - they allow you to deal with their clients directly and you're able to participate in their meetings. Not that they care less about their reputation, just that they are not as anal as big companies haha.

C.S. Choong is an accounting firm. I'm supposed to do 'legal research' but oh wells... its related to accounting concepts. To put it in a better way, its understanding accounting concepts from legal judgments. In conclusion, I'm still adamant that I really do not like accounting.

WongPartnership is one of the biggest local law firms. Because it is huge and has its reputation to safeguard, we apprenticed interns are the wastrel of the firm. We raid the pantry more than a few times in the day, we hang out in the toilet, improve our act-hardworking skills, tour around the firm, awing at the scenary, trying ways to get our hands on the foosball in the recreational room and...socialize. It was fun knowing the rest of the interns and extremely exciting and nerve wrecking when work gets on your hands.

That wraps up my internship. Of course, hols are not all about working. There are still meet ups and gatherings. Sadly, I hardly get any photos because I do not have a camera. And some take f.o.r.e.v.e.r to upload it on fb. I've also started learning the piano, read a lil on finance, read a lot on merger and acquisitions, companies and blah blah blah - though I'm slowly shifting my focus away from that.

Gosh, I ate so much last night and this morning I had a really bad stomachache...I.shall.go.for.a.swim.later.

I meant to blog something longer... but...headache.
Basically work started yesterday at WongPartnership and I'm under the Corporate Mergers and Acquisitions Department.
The office is huge and I'm perpetually lost. Ok too tired to continue. I've been having the craziest dreams these past few nights.
Hope to see you momos soon!

The lil one

I did not like kids because I'm scared of them. All they know is to:

cry
Cry
AND CRY

And they are tiny, fragile, shivery and frangible...

I concluded that I should stay far from them. Don't go near them and they won't cry. Don't touch them and they won't break. So I happily led 21 years of my life without carrying any of my lil cousins or babies or toddlers or whatever which seems fragile to me.

Then came my aunt's daughter. Her name is Qiao Wen (Mandarin) or Hao Mun (Cantonese). My family calls her Mun Mun. Gosh, she is the cutest thing on earth! I finally see this side of babies/toddlers:
so delightful
so adorable
SO CUTE!

She is 16 months old, extremely intelligent and joyful. She hardly cries, very sociable, laughs a lot, very responsive, dances, kisses, walks, and rolls. Haha I know she doesn't like me that much though. My aunt always points to me and tell her 'Jie Jie huai dan' because apparently I 'bullied' her. But thats not true, its my way of teaching her! Good lessons are hard to learn =) Nonetheless I still love her! Buahahhahahahahahahaahha I'm going to get her a nice new dress from Pumpkin Patch and she will love me to bits the next time she sees me.

Jo! Wq! Sl! Hurry! Give birth! Your kids' Godmom is waiting!!! I will take extremely good care of them, and shower them with lotsa love, care, concern and toys! I got 4 days baby-sitting experience!

.......................................................................
My Boss spent 99% of the previous meeting trying to persuade me into changing my major back to Accountancy.

Unbelievable.

I don't know what made him so determined to 'convert' me. After half an hour of preaching about the benefits of an Accounting degree, I still showed no signs of interest. Seeing that I am adamant about even considering the switch, he offered to teach me and blah blah blah...

Rahhh...don't make me even more confused with my already confusing choices. Greedy momo is always tempted to learn everything.

I like my 'jobless' days. Its not going to last long but at least there is a short break. Well, it hasn't really started actually. It will after I return from Malaysia, I hope - thats if I don't get dragged to my parents office. I finally started reading a couple of books which I've felt like reading for awhile. Not business-related, not law-related, just purely for enjoyment. It feels good, it feels somewhat comforting.

Haha random but the girl I tutored got into law! Yay! Pretty satisfying.

The Missing Piece

Sometimes I'm so certain of my goal in life. I'm convinced that work brings me joy and satisfaction - its indisputable that a successful career is what I aim for. Business/Law books/notes are scattered on my table. Business proposals, C.V.s, business-related stuff are what I've been reading the past month. I really do enjoy them, but at the same time, I've unknowingly let other things in life slip by. Regret, that is what they call it. I try not to have that feeling in me - its something haunting and recurring. But more often than not, it happens.

Things have never really changed ever since grandmom passed. My family is emotionally 'strong'. In other words, we deal with our emotions internally, hardly showing a tinge of sadness. According to either the Taoist or Buddhist (I still can't figure out which one it is) belief, the deceased's loved ones should not let their tears fall into the coffin. They believe that the deceased must reincarnate within 49 days, if not they will become wandering spirits. As such, they told us not to grieve too much else she will not bear to leave this world.

Similar to my granddad's funeral, not many cried. Not because they are not missed or loved but its just because how the family is. I totally didn't have a problem with that because we all know how much the family respected my grandmom. She was someone many have high regards for. She had the wisdom, the knowledge, the heart and the abilities. Her passing was unexpected and largely due to a medical misadventure which enraged my dad.

Personally, I haven't really allowed time to think about it. I'm not ashamed to say that I hardly cried during the funeral (just like the time my maternal grandmom passed). My dad thinks I'm apathetic and gave me a long lecture about the importance of family ties. I see no point in it. People have different ways in dealing with situations. I block my emotions when I'm with a crowd, I just do what I'm supposed to do and will do what I need to do when I'm in my comfort zone. Sad to say, not everyone realizes this. My cousin who recently converted to Christianity was the subject of criticism that day. To be fair, there isn't an absolute right or wrong in this case. The family had no problems with him converting, rather, they encouraged it. But they felt that he was disrespectful towards my grandmom for not praying to her (using the incense). Either way he is going to be labeled as being disrespectful - the only difference is to who - my grandmom or his god. Its pretty sad because nobody sees the struggles he faced and I guess its easy to conclude that he is unfilial. He is not, he really isn't - I saw him cried during the funeral. Through the years I've noticed him gradually withdrawing from the family as his life spiraled into oblivion. He always remained stoical when he is with us and one could imagine how much my grandmom's passing must have saddened him for him to even shed a tear in front of us.

Have we been too caught up with assessing people's actions and words?

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

We play our roles, we act as how our role requires - a daughter, son, father, mother, brother, sister, husband, wife, employer, employee etc. We change as our roles change and how many sides of a person can you really catch? Sometimes it might be a lil better if we could stop trying to analyze a person but feel for him. Actions and words can be misleading, feel and you might understand him better.

Events like this force me to reassess my priorities and goals.
Was it something just to sustain myself?