Huiling, start your essay!

[Edited]
Sometimes I think I'm the most obstinate person on earth. Especially when I want to prove my point. I don't know whether I'm really determined and unyielding or am I just being bull-headed and stiff-necked. After applying for shit loads of internship positions and not getting any definitive ones, I'm still adamant that I.can.get.an.internship.without.contacts.

Maybe its time to abandon my relentless pursuit of proving to I-don't-know-who that I can get an internship with nothing except my own capabilities, and subordinate myself to the common notion that contacts are indeed, important. Sigh, why do I always like to take the road less traveled and end up u-turning back to the road frequented. I end up only to reinforce the point which I set out to derogate.

I realized I actually could have gotten an internship by now if not for my pigheadedness. Family and friends have offered to help but this mulish mule remained mulish so serve her right if she ends up being a waitress in Thai Express. Rah. Lesson learned: draw a line between determination and foolhardiness.

I shall learn that in my forthcoming Art History Essay and stop running away from it just to prove my point that I don't like it because I think it makes no sense. Instead, I should see the bigger picture - that its worth 30% of the final grade, due in less than 48 hours, its a research essay, I'm required to write 2000words and I've written round about 10, which is 1/200 done and that I will be or already am screwed if I haven't started a week ago.

I dreamt that I stabbed my brother and had to watch him die. And I got stuck in playing this sadistic hide and seek involving the scariest brutal tasks. And I missed torts.

A combination of very bad events to start the morning. I'm so shaken. I need to start doing my Art History Ass-ay.