High on Adrenaline

Oh shit! I got sooo freaking many things I wanna do I'm getting high on adrenaline even before I've done anything!!!

Yesterday I started checking airfares.

And I still want to learn about finance
And I still want to learn about social business
And I still want to learn guitar/piano
And I still want to go for the walk
And I still want to go and sing k
And I still want to go to a xxx xxxx hahahahahah
And I still want to go Timbre/Wala Wala
And I still want to get that bloody internship
And I still have not confirm my pro bono attachment
And I still have not read my stuff
And I still have not met up with a few people
And shit! I FOUND SOMETHING ELSE WHICH INTERESTS ME AGAIN!!!!

BRYAN CAVE. Freak!!! NOW THIS IS THE PLACE I WANNA WORK (TOO)!!!
It sounds real good. Check this out:

Bryan Cave is a leader in corporate, transactional and litigation representation with more than 1,000 lawyers and other consulting professionals practicing from 22 offices around the world. Bryan Cave advises a wide array of businesses, financial institutions, not-for-profit organizations, governmental entities and individuals

Yeah that sounds law-ish. I like it, but I know I can't go that far in that area. BUT BUT BUT!

What I am interested is this:

Bryan Cave International Trade LLC

Bryan Cave International Trade LLC ("BCIT") is a consulting firm of non-lawyer professionals and a wholly-owned subsidiary of Bryan Cave LLP. As a trade and customs consultancy based in Asia, BCIT is well-positioned to provide clients with the strategic and operational advice needed to anticipate, react to and benefit from the diverse and constantly evolving regulatory landscape of the Asian region.

OR

Bryan Cave Strategies LLC

Bryan Cave Strategies LLC is another wholly-owned subsidiary of Bryan Cave LLP. Bryan Cave Strategies provides government relations and strategic counsel to corporations, trade associations and non-profit organizations. For clients facing a public affairs battle or difficult public policy climate, Bryan Cave Strategies designs and manages effective issue and legislative campaigns that produce winning results.

BUAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SOUNDS LIKE WHAT I WANT!!! AND CHECK THIS OUT TOO:

Its partners include former US Senators Jack Danforth and Alan Dixon, former New York Mayor Ed Koch and Charles Burson, former Attorney General of Indiana and Tennessee and former Counsel to Vice-President Al Gore.

Bryan Cave consistently ranks in Vault's Top 100 Most Prestigious firms and in The AmLaw 100.

Damnit, if I can get my hands on an internship with them (BCIT is located in Singapore)...MUAHAHAHHAHAA

Sheesshhh didn't I just told myself that I don't wanna work anymore?! Rahhhhh!!!!! WHY.AM.I.INTERESTED.IN.SO.MANY.THINGS!!!! Focus Huiling, focus!!!
Must.stop.reading.else.this.will.never.end.

But then again, if you are not interested in the world, the world will not be interested in you.

This week is gonna be awesome!!!! Half day today, 2 more hours before I get outta office!

I meant to update my blog but I somehow trailed off a lil. Hahaha then again, I should start editing my CV before work ends. Call me crazy but, I am going to give it a shot.

OK! A brief update!
8/12 - Shing's birthday
10/12 - Media night
11/12 - Chin Hao's birthday
12/12 - Benice and Guixian
13/12 - Jo and Xiulu
15/12 - Meiping
16/12 - Carol
17/12 - Can't remember
18/12 - Can't remember
19/12 - Platoon dinner, Timbre
20/12 - Jason's house, Madalene's birthday
21/12 - Christmas function
22/12 - Yan's house
23/12 - Mom erupted
24/12 - Jaime's birthday
25-28/12 - Malaysia
29/12 - Jaime, Benice and Timbre
30/12 - Jo and Jen
31/12 - Jo and Xl and mp

HAHHAHA I'm going to bring mp for her first clubbing experience at a gay club! BUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHA
HAhahahhHAHHAHah
HAhahahHAHHAha
HAHahhahHAH
HAhahhahH
ahhahahH
hahah
ahha
ha
a

Can't wait for tomorrow!!!!

xian.

Always sleepy.

So.tired.so.tired.so.tired.so.tired.till.I.wanna.collapse.

I.keep.getting.stomachaches.every.night.and.morning.
for.a.week.so.painful.so.painful.till.I.wanna.faint.

Anyone.who.is.free.for.lunch.can.come.and.find.me.at.Tanjong.Pagar.

Come.Friday.come!

She who knows the price of everything, knows the value of nothing.

Aiya, fuck it. They didn't even consider granting me a concession after I tried convincing them that my work experience, track record and attitude were enough to warrant that freaking 0.1 mark. So, I'm not going to waste my time arguing with them (Until I get back there and personally knock on their door).

Instead, I've set my eyes on something more exciting and worthy of my time. MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAhAHAHAHAHHAHA
Then again, I'm still waiting for a positive reply. Everyone chants after me: *Huiling can get it, Huiling can get it, Huiling can get it....

I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL THE CHRISTMAS PARTIES!!! YAY!!!!!!!

DO YOU KNOW?

I really love music.
I really really really do.

My iPod is a must-have item in my bag - I can't wait to plug-in before or after work.
I can never say enough about how much I love music and I'm pretty upset that I have not started learning the piano/guitar.

Anyway, I'm lovin' my current play list now. Check it out:

1. Fall for you - Secondhand Serenade
2. Run - Leona Lewis
   
3. The Heart of Life - John Mayer
4. Wherever you will go - The Calling
5. Time after Time - Eva Cassidy
6. If I were a Boy - Beyonce
7. Time is running out - Muse
8. Warwick Avenue - Duffy
   

I am really hooked onto 'Fall for you'. Listen to the piano!!!! I really regretted giving up piano when I was younger.

I MUST HAVE THE BEST SOUND SYSTEM in my future home. With a white grand piano. RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm going to buy damn good speakers with woofer using my first pay and bring it back to NZ. WOOHOO! I can imagine me lying on my comfy bed listening to whatever I've downloaded. BUAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA

Oh, I remembered using my first pay to buy my current iPod video too! It was totally a worthwhile investment. I really feel like going K now haha.

DO YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE THE PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A see-how-much-you-can-read Post

Hmm...where should I start...

Work
My current internship has been pretty...intriguing and entertaining - in many different ways. Haha. The Public Relations field is full of... interesting people. The people I have been working with are very different from those who I have worked with. Don't get me wrong, they are a nice bunch, enjoy fun, food, work and life. Since its an Australian based company, and also because of the nature of the job, they are largely westernized and have a strong aesthetic sense.

Anyway, I had a unique opportunity last Wednesday to go for a fine dining experience. Our clients are chefs who specialize in traditional Italian and French cuisine. We held an editorial night for them and invited journalists and editors from the media for a culinary experience - hoping in return they would feature our clients on their specific publication.

It was a 4-course dinner with Beetroot with caramelized onions, Aglio Olio, Osso Bucco (amazingly delicious) and Tomato sorbet & Basil panna cotta. Each course was served with an appropriate wine to supposedly complement the taste of each course. If you don't already know, Huiling is a hopeless drinker yet eager to know how to drink, she took the risk of trying. First up was Champaign for the mingling session. Everyone was complementing how ______ (they practically exhausted all words possibly found in the dictionary to describe good wine) the Champaign was but when I tasted it, I was trying not to let my eyes pop out. Then there was Sauvignon Blanc (for Beetroot), Gewurztraminer (for Aglio Olio) , Shiraz (for Osso Bucco), and some ice wine for the Sorbet and Panna Cotta. I thought I was fine after taking in the somewhat negligible amount of wine but when I was on my way home, I could feel my world spinning.

Birthdays

Edmund's birthday at Costa Sands - the theme was 'geek'.

Ed, you put our friendship into test by making cool me dress like that. Hahhahaa.

I cannot stop laughing when I saw this picture. Look at Juan!!! Thats like...classic man!

And I felt damn cheated when I saw this! I thought we agreed to look blur in this photo (I must have misunderstood)! Gosh I look retarded.

Anyway, Happy 21st Birthday Ed! You've been a great pal, remarkably kind and nice, happy, and funny at the most unexpected time - I'm thankful having you as an ODAC mate!

May you have a happy and fulfilling year ahead. You might also consider playing less PS. Haha

Shingaling's birthday at Aranda Country Club - the theme was 'masquerade' (right?)

I don't see any photos uploaded on facebook yet so that got to wait. I reckon it should turn out well since we had really cool masks.

Her party became a traumatising night. The Odacians somehow got hold of The Scream's masks and that was seriously unnerving. They scared me sooooo many times. I wonder if there is bad blood between the Odac guys and me. Why must they always, unfailingly do something to me on everyone's birthday. I got splashed with water during Ed's and I got Taupoked during Shing's. HELLO WHERE GOT GUYS TAUPOK A GIRL ONE! Ok, the only 'welfare' I got before getting taupoked by around 5 guys was 1 pillow on top of me. Luckily the weight was concentrated on my legs and the person directly on top of me.

Predicting that I might get wet by the Odacians within the next hour, I ran for cover by going home! Nah la, I would have stayed over and have HTHTCOT (finally remember what that means) with them if not because I had work the next day.

It was fun, and heres to wish you a Happy 21st Birthday Shingaling! I shall not reiterate what I typed previously for Ed less you say I plagiarized. (Technically, I can't plagiarize what I wrote, can I?) Haha nah, but Shingaling, you really have been a great friend to ODAC. I think its apparent to all of us that you've put in much time and effort in keeping us together, and we thank you for that. ODAC is close to all of us yet we have to inevitably move on to the next phase of life. Despite all of that, I think we remain surprisingly close, and I think we owe majority of that to you. Thank you and may you be happy.

Chinhao's birthday at his own house

Again, I do not have any photos. I met Jo and Spenc at SengKang to walk to Chinhao's place. There, I met my JC classmates and finally, Shiling. We played Wacko and haha, its actually quite fun but very tiring because I kept losing. I honestly think I did not lose that many times. Doesn't mean that they cannot figure out which name I called means I did not call a name.

We left pretty early and Yekwai gave us a leave home. I am very sure ChinHao will never ever come across this blog but in view of consistency, I will still wish him a Happy 21st Birthday over here! (Haha I bet you guys think I am damn insincere. But not true, he really will never know this blog's existence)

University stuff
Ok, are you still with me after my droning paragraphs above? If so, good! Be prepared for more:
My results are all out - the ones I thought I would flunk did pretty well, the one which I thought I could score did exceptionally poor. I was so shock when I saw my contracts grade such that I did not even feel a tinge of sadness. I was boiling mad - I don't understand which part could have gone wrong, even if I did, was it that serious to warrant a B-!!! My tests grades were above average, I studied exceptionally hard for it, I enjoyed the paper, I came out of the examination hall feeling confident yet the final grade could not even reflect anything similar to that! I kept refreshing the window thinking that they must have made a mistake in the grades and maybe correct it thereafter but they never did so I finally resigned to that grade.

BUT to my anger yesterday, I realized I was 0.1 mark from getting honours. This was what i received from my course adviser:

Dear Huiling,

All students who completed Part II in 2008 and get the GPA >= 75 (B+) will be invited into Honours Programme.

Unfortunately, you are not eligible this year. Your GPA is 74.90, slightly lower than the requirement. As the number of invitations is limited, we just invite students with GPA: sharply 75 up.

0.1 MARK! I AM THAT CLOSE!!! Its not even HALF A MARK! I could not let Honours go just like that. So I spent 2 hours coming up with an email to persuade her that she should let me get into the programme. It was a page long, telling her how much I wanna do it and blah blah blah. Thank god I got an appraisal from the previous law firm I worked with last year which hopefully would be of some use. Seriously, after all the reasons I have given her to just overlook a mere 0.1 mark, and if she still refuses to let me in, I have nothing to say.

Also, I received an email from the partner of WP saying that they have significantly reduced the internship places this January (Carol said many other law firms have been cutting down a lot on pupillage and internship places too, probably because of the economy). But from what I've gathered from his email was that I needed to prove to him that 1) I am intending to work as a lawyer in Singapore after I graduate. 2) My conjoint degree is recognized in Singapore. 3) The route I have to take to sit for the bar in Singapore.

Sigh, it seems as though I could have a chance to work with them if not for the economy. There is still a slim possibility since he bothered replying and a pretty long one too. Plus he is one of the partners there and hopefully he can see my desire to work with them. Fingers cross - I've already sent an email to check with the Dean and law society to confirm the relevance of my degrees. I hope I'm able to get 2 good news this coming Monday.

Family
Are you still with me? Woa, I'm impressed. Haha.
My mom confiscated my Sim card yesterday for no apparent reason. She probably quarreled with Dad and decided to vent her anger. Since I was late for work, I left the sim card on the table and ran off to work. I was supposed to meet Carol for lunch but without my sim card in my mobile, I can't retrieve anyone's number. So during lunch, I rushed to the nearest convenience store to get a prepaid card. 7/11 required my ID which I didn't have on me so I thought going directly to the Starhub retail store would be able to solve that problem.

I took a train down to Raffles Place (nearest Starhub) and tried buying off them. Unable to contact Carol, I started panicking and that darn sales person was moving 1/2 the speed of any average person. I asked impatiently if that was the place to buy a Sim Card and he said yes but I have to wait because he is meddling with some stupid system. I flared up and demanded to buy it immediately because I was needed to contact people urgently and I have to get back to work soon. He then asked for my ID and I said I have none. He thinks I'm a foreigner and said that he can't sell it to me based on IDA requirements. I started 'quarreling' with him, and narrated how I came all the way from Tanjong Pagar and blah blah blah. Saying that its ridiculous because I can't get any contacts out of my phone. I was so frustrated and said, ' SO HOW?! If you don't want to sell it to me, how am I going to get my contacts out of my phone?! How to call? HUH? This is ridiculous you know. I take a train from Tanjong Pagar and I have to rush back for work now. This is urgent. I NEED TO CALL NOW.' If you know me, I am not usually like that and would not be that confrontational to people who are just doing their job. But I was so agitated then - thinking that if my mom wasn't in her crazy mood, I wouldn't have to go through all that trouble. At last that guy lent me his sim card so I could retrieve the numbers. That wasn't the end but its too long to type. Anyhows, my 1 hour launch break became a 1hour marathon.

Ok, I really should end. Haha else I would go on and on and on about soo many other stuff. But basically, I have learned a lot this year. A lot, which I hope I would remember and stay with it.

concealed

Finally, access to the internet!
Gosh, it has been nothing but inconvenient without the internet and where else to leech it from but Jo's hall. This is my 3rd time here ever since my return, mainly to do up my CV and probably/hopefully to watch her study.

Just came back from cruise this morning - pretty boring yet pretty interesting in some sense. Ok, Dad just called and I better get going. He says I'm nomadic and I better appear in front of them more often before I get barred from going out.

And when I thought everything would turn out fine, everything came crashing down.

Time after time - The feeling of being discredited

Luck vs Hard work
What proportion of your success is based on luck and what is based on your own hard work?
Basically, how much of it is deservingly yours, how much of it can you claim credit for?

Sometimes you can go on about how the world is unfair and whinge about the 'if onlys', sometimes you work your ass off and all you get is a dismissal because your success supposedly flowed from your 'luck', your 'connections' and blah blah blah - anything but your hardwork.
Sometimes they say the apple never falls far from the tree. Maybe what I have now is only because of what my family have given me.

Yes, luck is significant but hard work is essential. I do not deny how luck can make a difference but I am adamant that hard work balances it out. Luck tilts the balance, robs some from certain opportunities but hard work and determination makes them available again. Although I must agree that the amount may be disproportionate at times.

Yeah, I know many might think: what do you know? Your life has been pretty smooth-sailing. I may not know all that much but I am no stranger to hard work. I have worked my ass off through my life to fight for what I want - whether you see it or not - because I believe that even if I might have lost in intelligence, in wealth, in looks etc which are not within my control, there is still something which might be able to push me through. And you know what I think the best thing is? This gem is available for everyone, its only whether you want to seize it. The doors are never all close, its always up to you to decide if you want to utilize your determination and hard work. Its not others' fault that they are doing better than you, maybe you have not done what you could have.

When others do rise above you, yeah, they might have been luckier but not just lucky. More often than not you do not see the hard work that they have gone through. Some conceal it on purpose, some just do not boast about it but whatever it is, do give credit to them. Because as lucky as they can get, they are nothing without some effort put into it.

The feeling of being discredited is never good. Be a lil nicer and award them with what they deserve. They might have been lucky, but what are the chances of always being lucky. There should be something more than that. Maybe it is hard work.

Time after time

Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback
Warm nights almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear what you've said
Then you say: "Go slow."
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

You say: "Go slow."
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

Reflections I

Its definitely not the most appropriate time to be doing this on the eve of my final paper but I think I can afford to, considering that I'm almost done with revision and the myriad thoughts in my mind have been nothing but distracting.

Responsibility vs Personality
I think people often get away with stuff using the excuse that 'this is who I am' and the other party, without thinking might just accept it thinking thats just she/he, it is an inherent personality which she/he can't change and we shouldn't interfere with it.

But wait a minute, isn't it too easy for him/her? To brush his/her responsibility off just because 'that is just me'. Damnit, I can easily be a bitch and maybe later pretend to be apologetic and pretend to feel helpless for what I've done because 'that is just me'.

Come on, it can't be that easy, there must be something called responsibility to tilt the scale back to balance. Sadly, responsibility isn't an inherent personality for everyone. Its subjective and some smugs would probably go on and on about them being responsible in this and that when in actual fact, they are nothing close to that.

Responsibility isn't something you talk about or show. Its something which flows from what you do. Its not something you think you are, its something people say you are. It is not gauge by you but by a reasonable standard. (I really do not like to bring in that law-ish test but I think that is most fitting)

In short, you cannot be certain that you are responsible just because you think you are. You might be sometimes but that doesn't apply to all situations. And, you act because thats the way you are ain't the best reason to explain what you have done - its really an artificial excuse which provides no justification in your actions. Alright, maybe it does a lil, but still, there is something called self-control. I can't go around murdering anyone I hate just because 'thats the way I am' - you don't expect yourself to be acquitted with that 'defence'. There is something called self-control which people practise to keep things in order. You do not own the world and your actions do not contain to yourself. As much as you want to stay true to yourself, you got to know you are not alone in this world. And as much as you said you've practised self-control and are indeed, a responsible person, look around to see the consequences of what you've done before claiming that.

Again, its all about the balance.
Do you have that? Or was it something you thought you had?

Each person is at each moment capable of remembering all that has happened to him and of perceiving everything that is happening everywhere in the universe. The function of the brain and nervous system is to protect us from being overwhelmed and confused by this mass of largely useless and irrelevant knowledge, by shutting out most of it. According to such a theory, each of us is potentially Mind at Large.

Nah, I changed my mind. Must stop whinging and grow up.

The Phantom of the Opera was really impressive.

As lazy as Huiling

HOOYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am done with Contracts, Macroeconomics and Torts!
HOOOOYYYAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

I'm relieved that its over not because I do not like them just that it was the most hellish/traumatizing/stressful/draining exams I ever took in my entire life. Not kidding.

When I saw my exam timetable, I knew I was gone:
6/11 Law of Contract (2:15pm - 5:30pm)
7/11 Macroeconomics (9:15am - 12:30pm)
8/11 Law of Torts (2:15pm - 5:30pm)

What perfect dates - to squeeze my 3 core papers in 3 days, 2 out of which are full year papers. So.not.funny. Still trying to be ambitious, I was determined to read all my cases (~500 pages for torts, ~400 pages for contracts). I became a hermit the week preceding the exams, never stepping out of the house. The housework accumulated, the toilet paper and food depleted but Momo was flustered, trying to save her sorry ass by cramming and churning out pages and pages and pages of notes - almost finishing 1 cartridge of ink within a day.

As usual, my time management skills were far from perfect. Rather, I was (also as usual) too stubborn to just read the damn summarized notes. I spent practically ALL my time on contracts, allocating close to nothing for Torts and Econs. I felt that contracts was too important to neglect or do badly, a challenging paper thus a good test of ability, I like it, I like my lecturer, and I attended quite a bit of lectures for it. It was a bad choice I know because the subsequent days after contracts were seriously LIKE HELL and I have never felt so tired/desperate/hopeless/helpless etc before. But then again, I know if given another chance, based on my character, I would have done the same so no regrets.

Basically, after contracts I was beaten and the thought of having to study Econs (freaking 11 topics) after a draining 3hour paper, within 1 night and drag myself early next morning to sit for the other paper was blooodddyyy demoralizing. The desire to do well in that paper adds further to the burden. Anyways, its beyond words to describe my frustrations. The table was acting like a magnet that night, pulling my head down and I finally gave in around 1plus 2am.

The second day of battle didn't come any easier. I was so tired during the exam I hardly put an effort to think. I was contemplating to sleep for half an hour during the paper and wake up later so I can have a lil more concentration but I was darn scared that I would oversleep so I pushed on. Uh, but I reached my maximum endurance level and left half an hour earlier. (I knew the worst is yet to come, I had to complete 1 year of torts within 1 day).

Ok, part 3 of the battle was by far the most horrid and traumatizing one. I have never cursed so much in my life, so afraid to fail yet so desperately wanted to do well. I remembered when I saw the pile of notes I had to read at 1am, tears welled up and I was on the verge of giving up. By then, I was already ridiculously tired after 1 week of slogging. Anyway, I cursed like no other and collapsed in bed at 2am, completing only unintentional torts. I woke up at ~8am the next morning and chionged intentional torts. O.M.G. it was so pressurizing I never knew that I could speed read THAT fast. I completed 6months worth of work in 4hours. Rested a lil and went through the structure and format of the exam and off I went, feeling like I'm 1% prepared.

But it didn't go all that badly, or rather, thats what I think, you never know till the results are out. I might have addressed the wrong issues and totally screw it up but something to be proud of is... I WROTE 30PAGES!!!

And after this whole traumatizing experience, I went to the High Court and voted for the very first time! I was a lil reluctant initially because I did not know about the electorates well enough to make a sound decision but then again, thats when democracy fails - when people like me any how vote. No lah, not really any how but not technically serious as well.

Next was spring cleaning. My apartment was FILTHY. It was sooo disgusting I had to clean something up even I was already half-dead. So I did till my back was screaming in pain and I ended my day watching some elections-related programme.

Ok the next 2 days, Huiling has been ridiculously lazy and greedy, so much so she refused to get out of her house although she had heaps of errands to run. Maybe because the house feels so clean now she must enjoy every bit of it before it gets dirty again. I woke up, ate rice and mushrooms stuffed with mincemeat for breakfast, an hour later, rice with egg and went back to sleep. Then we headed down to mission bay for ice cream and then I had tom yum for dinner. Next morning I woke up to have tom yum with rice and headed back to bed.

I am recovering.

Then again, I actually have not finished my exams. Haha.

This is just a dream

d
e
p
r
e
s
s
e
d
.
What have you learned after 1 year of Torts?
Unless you want to fail, never enroll into an 8am stream.
My extremely desperate attempt to salvage my studies - I need a miracle.

[Edited 01:19 am] Reflection of helplessness
[Edited 02:00 am] K.O.ed
[Edited 05:59 pm] You know whats scary about law exams? When you realize that you can have all the resources in the world and 'cheat' by bringing them into the exam hall (open book) yet still running the risk of failing. ahhh.....
[Edited 09:18 pm] sobs.........
[Edited 11:02 pm] screams!!!!!
[Edited 01:06 am] help...help...help...so...tired...
[Edited 01:58 am] This is not a dream, this is a nightmare...
[Edited 03:02am] 1 cup of coffee, 4 cups of tea, 2 doses of supplements yet I'm barely awake... I don't look forward to the next few hours.

THE meme

Being in an ultimate irritable mood today or rather everyday till the exams are over... I shall do as told by QQ (Shiqi, my new nick name for you, you know, like QQ rice!) - do the MEME test.
Before that, I wonder why is it called the MEME test - is it because its all about me, therefore sounding something like: ME! ME! Or maybe its just some cutesy name to attract more people into doing it. Or maybe its... hmm... ok... I know, stop asking, and just do it.

THE MEME (*gives the -___-" face) TEST

1. My ex is still:

Ex as in ex-boyfriend? Why...why is this test so cruel... to bring up my sad sad past which I've tried so hard in burying deep down my heart... oh my broken heart!!!

I don't have la. Hahaha!

2. I am listening to:

The Phantom of Opera by Sarah Brightman & Michael Crawford.

3. Maybe I should:

Stop eating so much.

4. I love:

Food, music, economics, law, outdoors, laughing at people, backpacking, my friends and family, art, pranks.

5. My best friend(s):

Allow me to abuse them.

6. I don’t understand:

A lot of things. You sure you want me to list it down? Really? Are you sure? Serious? Yeah, I knew it, I'll spare you that and summarize it to what Jo claims: the 5Ws and 1H on basically any or everything.

Where, When, What, Who, Why, How???

7. I lost:

My sanity.

8. People say:

Life sucks.

9. The meaning of my screen name is:

Experiencing and loving this sucky life.

10. Love is:

When you see that no matter how sucky this life can be, its still worth living.

11. Somewhere, someone is:

Conspiring to end the human race. And someone else is trying to save us.

12. I will always:

Wonder why, think of what to cook, think about my friends, think about what am I going to do in future, think about how am I going to make it in future, think about how can I get to backpack, think about every lil thing you can ever imagine.

13. Forever seems:

Like now.

14. I never ever want to:

Feel guilty.

15. My cell phone :

Samsung something. Ask the Joannas haha we all have the same phones!

16. When I wake up in the morning:

I switch off my alarm and go back to sleep.

17. I get annoyed when:

I am annoyed. I get exponentially annoyed (if that makes any sense) when I am a lil annoyed which makes me angry and frustrated and the monster in me awakes.

18. Parties are:

Fun fun fun!

19. My pet(s) is(are):

Dalmatian (which my parents gave away), fighting fish (which I abandoned them after they jumped out of my container), a very big spider (which I quickly gave it back when it was dying), hamsters (which died after being transferred to different homes too many times), terapin (which my mom threw away accidentally with the vegetables in the sink)

Yes, I'm not the best pet owner you know. But I still love dogs, so much that I've decided that I will not own them in the near future to spare them from my tempting care.

20. Kisses are the best when:

They are shared with a human I guess.

21. Today I:

Was late for all my lectures, which are the last lectures of this semester. HOOYAH!!!

AND I HAD MY LAST 8AM LECTURE THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!

22. Tomorrow I:

Will dress like a guy. Cheap thrill. No, I don't have a habit of cross-dressing, I just think that baggy shirts and jeans are very comfortable which are suited for tomorrow which can be foreseen as a highly irritable day since I've to study.

23. I really want:

My friends and family to be with me here.

24. I want to ask:

Why am I answering all these questions?!?!!? This is one of the oddest thing I've done this week. Haha.

Dreams...? No, Nightmares!!!

Please have mercy on me!!!
My nightmares are taking a toil on me, makes me feel as if I haven't slept for a few nights.
First I stabbed my brother, next I was in a sadistic game show, then I was in an operating theatre, then I got a C for history, then jerking up through the night thinking that I missed torts again.

I die die also will not enroll into an 8am stream ever.ever.ever.again! So.tired.

BUT once I get this Art History Ass-ay over and done with, I'm going to harness all my freaking energy and brain juice and intelligence and will-power and motivation to study my butt off for the finals! No one can stop this girl's aggressiveness and determination to study her torts, contracts and macroecons! (Maybe art history) Not even the weather! Not even her bed! Not even the TV! Not even the internet! Not even her dreams! Not even...uh...food? (I say this with some doubt) RAHHHHHHH!!!!! DO YOU FEEL MY OVERWHELMING DETERMINATION!!! *ROARS LIKE HOW AN AGGRESSIVE TIGER WOULD!!!

I WILL GLUE MY BUTT TO THE SEAT IN GLORIA JEANS FROM 10AM TO 10PM EVERYDAY! I WILL BREAK MY PERSONAL BEST ACHIEVED LAST YEAR FOR CLOCKING IN 12 HOURS IN GLORIA JEANS! EVEN IF ITS JUST A MINUTE EXTRA! I'LL STUDY LIKE NO OTHER! COME ON EVERYBODY WHO IS HAVING EXAMS! DETERMINATION IS CONTAGIOUS LETS ALL STUDY TILL WE DROP DEAD (AFTER THE EXAMS). HOOYAH JOIN HUILING'S CAMPAIGN TOWARDS A BETTER SOCIETY BY STUDYING YOUR ASS OFF NOW!!!!! EVERYONE SHOUT: HOOYAH!!!! (That's our slogan, shout it out before every exam you take, it will bring you good luck)

Huiling, start your essay!

[Edited]
Sometimes I think I'm the most obstinate person on earth. Especially when I want to prove my point. I don't know whether I'm really determined and unyielding or am I just being bull-headed and stiff-necked. After applying for shit loads of internship positions and not getting any definitive ones, I'm still adamant that I.can.get.an.internship.without.contacts.

Maybe its time to abandon my relentless pursuit of proving to I-don't-know-who that I can get an internship with nothing except my own capabilities, and subordinate myself to the common notion that contacts are indeed, important. Sigh, why do I always like to take the road less traveled and end up u-turning back to the road frequented. I end up only to reinforce the point which I set out to derogate.

I realized I actually could have gotten an internship by now if not for my pigheadedness. Family and friends have offered to help but this mulish mule remained mulish so serve her right if she ends up being a waitress in Thai Express. Rah. Lesson learned: draw a line between determination and foolhardiness.

I shall learn that in my forthcoming Art History Essay and stop running away from it just to prove my point that I don't like it because I think it makes no sense. Instead, I should see the bigger picture - that its worth 30% of the final grade, due in less than 48 hours, its a research essay, I'm required to write 2000words and I've written round about 10, which is 1/200 done and that I will be or already am screwed if I haven't started a week ago.

I dreamt that I stabbed my brother and had to watch him die. And I got stuck in playing this sadistic hide and seek involving the scariest brutal tasks. And I missed torts.

A combination of very bad events to start the morning. I'm so shaken. I need to start doing my Art History Ass-ay.

I CAN'T WAIIITTTT TO EXECUTE MY BIGGGG HOOOOLLLIIDDDAYYYY PPLLLAAANNNSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BIG BIG BIG FUN FUN FUN EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING NO-STUDY-NO-STRESS-NO-ART-HISTORY-NO-HOUSEWORK-
NO-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH R&R PERIOD HOHOHO HAHAHA HEHEHE

I WANNA EAT BEER-BATTERED FISH AND CHIPSSSS AND BURGER FUEL AND A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!

WE SPENT 1 HOUR WALKING AROUND VIADUCT TO FIND FOR SOMETHING TO EAT AND WHEN WE FINALLY DID, I WAS BARRED FROM THE RESTAURANT/PUB BECAUSE I DIDN'T BRING MY ID!!! 2ND TIME THAT WEEK!!

MY FISH AND CHIPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS......

LAST NIGHT WAS FUN!

ART HISTORY IS MAKING ME INCOHERENT!

YAY I MIGHT BE GG TO WATCH PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!

NO! I MIGHT NOT! I'M BROKE!

YAY I'M GG ON A CRUISE!

NO! I'M GG TO DO VERY BADLY FOR ART HISTORY!

NO! I DON'T LIKE TORTS!

YES! LAST WEEK OF UNI!

YES! BYE BYE TORTS! BYE BYE ART HISTORY!

HAHAHAHA SOMETHING VERY FUNNY HAPPENED!


AHHHHHH!!! ok finish venting and ranting. PTBB, I lost. I'm going to drink till I puke. Get ready, you have to wear a raincoat. Alternatively you can go Japan with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYONE LETS GO JAPAN!!!!!

Ok, Huiling shall get a grip of herself and start.writing.her.essay.

*As I was reading the genesis, K asked: Did God ever mentioned dinosaurs? Hmm....

Traumatised...
That was enough to shorten my life span by a couple of years.
*SCRRREEEEAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSS
.
..
...
.....
.......
.........
I desperately need a break from whatever that is happening...
I've started packing my luggage today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*will not curse...will not curse...will not curse...

OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED 1 NIGHT WORKING ON A STATUTE WHICH WAS REPEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELL DONE HUILING! YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!!!

I

• knocked over the glass 3times during (the same) dinner and got my friend wet
  
• choked on my food during lunch, started tearing uncontrollably and rushed to the toilet and vomit everything out. That shocked my friend quite a bit. He thought it was my braces and I sheepishly laughed it off
• jerked and nearly screamed in the gym toilet when I saw the reflection of a girl in the mirror. I thought she was a ghost! Shocked by my shock, she also jerked and gasped

AHHHHHH EXAMS STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you wonder hows that possible when this probably be my 100th time taking it.

I wonder how effective is the ACC scheme. It supposedly aims to reduce the number of trials going to Court, but then again because of it, many have brought proceedings debating about the Act itself. But its probably substantially fewer than what it would have been otherwise. Somehow, I still am not fully convinced by it. It sounds theoretically ideal yet I still have certain reservations regarding its practicality. Especially when it becomes a politically play thing... Hmmm... don't know la.

Desperate

[ATTENTION from your ever demanding friend]: The National Vertical Marathon is on this coming Feb, 8th. All my momos, you are ordered to join. If not...you've to treat me 10bowls of tau huay or 10 plates of chee cheong fan and feel.my.wrath. *Please join please join please join with me, we'll form an awesome team. Ok, hurry off and start training, we are going to win!!!

Never have I felt so worried for my future.
I.need.to.get.an.internship.its.not.funny.anymore.
[NZ has entered into a recession. Shortly after, Singapore followed her footsteps. Damn...its a time of doldrums for both my home-bases]

'You've received an email from xxx' notice popped up on my screen just now.
OMG I literally felt my heart sinking. If its a negative reply, I'll be way more than a lil upset.
Apprehensively, I tried opening my email and my dial-up speed internet only made me closer to experiencing a hyperventilation.
Damn, its even more fearsome/unnerving/intense than a bungy jump. Not exaggerating, we're talking about my future here (assuming that the financial markets manage to survive and that the Maya calender isn't true).

Cliche as it might sound, that minute felt like an hour. After that whole lot of mixed emotions welling up in me this is what I saw:

Dear Huiling

Thank you for your email.

We aim to get back to you as soon as we can.
Huiling, you honestly should stop imagining/thinking too much. Dude! People are still processing your application, relax la!

Gosh! All these intense surge of emotions/worries/undue haste/worries/excitement/thoughts have left me floating around in my own world the past few days. Talk about thinking too much. Of course, how can I leave out my big plans for the hols. Last night I went on my own lil frolic again, deviating from the most important task at hand - completing my assignment. You have no idea how the search for air-tickets can be such an adrenaline-pumping activity. But talking to my parents after which totally deflated my floating self, burst my bubble and pulled me down to reality. How true that they always keep my grounded, sometimes to the extend of sinking. Nonetheless, they still keep me afloat in one sense or the other.

I hate Art History 114G. Its 3hours of bullcrap a week with an impending 2000words of bullshit.

Economics is useful

Its been say, ~4months since I've switched my major from Accounting to Economics.
And within these 4months, I've been bombarded with similar questions: WHY did I do that?

I know, I know, I know the prospects of Accounting - definitely way better than Economics. I know and I've struggled a lot between these 2 options. If not for the fact that I really hated Accounting, I might just stay with it. BUT, I've never hated a subject so much before, so I try to stand by my decision.

Unfortunately, I still waiver quite a bit when I try to convince others the logic behind the switch. (Well logically, I don't really need to do so but thats human or rather, Huiling's nature) So last night, Dad called. Already annoyed being woken up in the midst of my sleep, I got further agitated when he started asking me why didn't I do Finance instead.

Dad: 'Ling ah, what are you doing?'
Me: 'Sleeping'
Dad (obviously ignoring my previous remark and continued with the conversation): 'Eh, why you never do Finance. Sansu said you should do Finance you know! Economics so broad-based, Finance better.
Me: 'Aiyah, too late.'
Dad: 'Why too late. Do Finance la.' (And he went on about how good is Finance and how useless if Economics)
Me (obviously frustrated because this is not the first time explaining and probably also worried about my future): 'Aiyah, cannot la.'
Dad: 'Why cannot?!'
Me: 'Don't know. Too late. Difficult. Lazy. Don't care already.'
Dad: 'Why are you so mang zhang (agitated)'
Me: 'Sleeping la sleeping. Talk to you tomorrow ok'

I met a friend in uni today, after the conventional greetings, he said, 'Heard you've dropped Accounting! Doing Economics now?'
Me: 'Yeah'
Him: 'Now you HAVE to be a lawyer!' (obviously assuming that I can never find a job which is Econs-related)
..........................................................................................

WHO SAYS ECONOMICS IS USELESS!
EVERYONE CHANTS AFTER ME:
*Economics is useful. Economics has good prospects. Huiling can find a job with an Economics major. Economics is interesting. ECONS ECONS ECONS RULES!!!! ECONS ECONS ECONS ROCKS!!!

RAH!!!!!
Ok, stop being childish.
According to my pseudo-temporary best buddy (you should know who you are, HAHA) my recent posts lack of in-depth meaning. So I thought of invoking some profound and meaningful posts which might just end up being a classic prose or poem, but due to my stupid endless impending deadlines - whether set by the Uni or myself, I shall do that later. (Be prepared to laugh!) Pseudo-temporary best buddy (acronymed PTBB AHHAHA) you better get ready to be defeated by me for the following reasons:

1. I'm going to win the bet - and you are going to get wasted
2. I am really going to win the bet
3. No doubt I'll win the bet
4. You'll lose the bet
5. The only constant is that I'm going to win and you are going to lose

RAHHHHHH I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS 12345678910!
I want to and will

1. Go for a cruise with 24/7 buffet
   
2. Go to Genting's theme park
   
3. Go ice-skating
4. Go kayaking
5. Go for the nature walk
6. Go for a holiday
7. Go and work
8. Go and eat
9. Go and play
10. Go and sleep
11. Go and learn a musical instrument
12. Go and run
13. Go and read
    
14. Convince everyone that Econs rocks!
    

:(

What a blunder

This week has been drop.dead.tiring.hectic.busy.and.i.am.not.happy.about.it.
and.wanna.punch.some.bags.


And like what they usually say, 'leave the best for the last'.
Its Friday today, the last day of the week - I should have expected the 'best' to happen today, and so it did.

First and foremost, I tore my favourite lucky $60 G2000 blouse just because I was a lil too rough. Secondly, I don't know why my freaking kitchen is infested with this whole colony of ants. I don't want to kill them initially but they just keep multiplying and it gets so itchy to look at, I decided that I just have to be cruel and wipe them out. I literally did that with the wet kitchen cloth, granting them quick and painless death.

But those stupid ants never learn their lessons. No wonder their heads are tiny - because their brains are TINIER. They continue crawling into the most sacred place in my apartment for no apparent reason except to seek death from me! I've checked - no sweet stuff lying around. I don't know whats up their mind to choose this barren place to seek shelter. After seeing all their mates getting killed, those senseless pests still crawl into the gateway of death!!! Right in front of my eyes!!! I was so frustrated that I've to stand next to the table top killing ants when I've so many other things to do. They totally deserve to die - I abandoned my cloth and decided to be more ruthless and started on my killing spree. Call me a murderer, I'm just taking justice into my own hands. (And I wonder how can I get so miffed over tiny harmless ants... now I feel like I'm infested with ants, I thought my mole is an ant on my arm!!)

[Edited]: OMG I'm soooo bloody annoyed with the ants!!! I even thought the page number at the top of my contracts notes is an ANT and wanted to squash it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DIE YOU stupid ants! Making me itch the whole freaking night!!!!

Thats not it, its just the prequel to a series of -___- events within the next couple of hours. After my killing spree, I was naturally and not surprisingly late for my tutorial. And the day which I decided to do my tutorial is the day which I did the wrong one. Never mind, at least I did some work - more work done is better than none. Next was to make my way down to law school. Coincidentally saw Jojo and Claudette walking towards Owen and walked a lil with them, since I'm used to being late. Sure enough, I was late again, but that didn't matter - what matter was that...I rushed into a lecture theater I assumed to be the right one. I felt this sense of uneasiness once I stepped in, I don't know why, its just an intuition which is usually right. 'Maori and criminal law' was flashed on the screen. And the lecturer (who taught me last year) started going on about Maoris and some unpronounceable Maori terms. I somehow managed to psycho myself that I'm in the right place despite the OBVIOUS hint that the lecture was about Maori law. In fact, she was going through what I did last year...Criminal law. No wonder I felt this strong sense of familiarity.

So I sat there contemplating whether to leave or not. I've already made myself looked more than a lil stupid coming in, taking out stuff which are totally not relevant to what they were studying (whilst others were furiously taking down notes). If I leave, everyone would know I was in the wrong lecture which would be utterly embarrassing. If I stay, its gonna waste 1 freaking hour. I decided 1 hour is too much to waste so I tried to leave the lecture theater in the coolest fashion I could have. Don't ask me how, I just did.

So I made my way home to grab some stuff. Stepped into the lift and started rampaging through my bag for my keys. Before I could, the lift started going up and I realized I must have forgotten to bring it out. But coincidentally, it stopped on the 15th floor (my floor) and in came Nat (my housemate) who lent me her keys. And yes, after my 2hours of random events, finally one which comes in my favour.

Sigh.... what a difficult week it has been. I actually managed to clock in 12 hours in uni the other day, 8am to 8pm! I've so much to say, but just can't. A bit more, just a bit more Huiling......Its gonna be over soon.
You.mustn't.give.up.

why.must.everything.be.so.difficult.
damnit.

INTRODUCING>>>

MY TOP 5 IDOLS!!!!
(For the year 2008 only)

Not in order of preference, Number 1 is....

Try guessing! Hint:







Got it? Bet you didn't! Ok... he is...

BEAR GRYLLS
Edward Michael Grylls is an English Television Presenter and adventure, known as Bear Grylls on his popular program Man vs Wild.

Why does he deserve this top spot?!
Because he is HOW COOL! He has a degree, speaks English, Spanish and French, served the British Armed Forces, awarded the honorary rank of Lieutenant Commander in the UK's Royal Naval Reserve, works as a motivational speaker and trainer, close relationship with several charitable organizations, climbed Mt Everest, crossed the North Atlantic, paramotoring over Angel Falls etc etc!

He is the only guy I can think of who can impress both girls and guys by being gross, coarse, filthy, disgusting and... just disgusting! (i.e. eating some animal's shit. I can't remember which animal though) But as I said, he is HOW COOL and I bet $5 that he is a really kind and nice person. (I've deadly accurate intuition - don't doubt it! I say nice means nice!) Watch 10minutes of Man vs Wild and you'll fall madly in love with him. (GUYS! BEWARE! He is going to be your ultimate rival once girls start watching Man vs Wild OR WORSE STILL, you are slowly going down the wroooonnnggg crooked path HAHA)

OK NEXT CONTENDER!

SOMERS J

Ok, you guys probably won't know who he is. I don't even know his full name. But I think he is still alive and apparently residing in Christchurch and likes gardening. (I seriously think thats a made-up fact by a friend) Other than that, I've no clue about his personal life. And no, I do not admire him because he is mysterious, he is my idol only because he is HOW SMART! Oh actually, I do know something else about him, he is probably a Court of Appeal judge. I don't even know how to describe how blown-away I was when I read his dissenting judgment. He totally crashed Woodhouse P and McMullin J's judgments, making them look more than a lil foolish.

I know, I know, I sound like a nerd, but he is HOW SMART! Conlon v Ozolins by far, has been the best case I've ever read! Its like, all of them were running the freaking same argument saying how important is s5 of the Contractual Mistakes Act 1979 and blah blah blah and then BANG! Somers J said the case DOES NOT FALL within s6(1)(a) at all! And you can imagine the majority at the background, still arguing that it should be and that Courts shouldn't follow common law and blah blah blah going round and round in circles without realizing the major flaw in their argument is that it will bring unreasonable consequences. And you can imagine Somers J at the foreground sniggering, thinking that they don't make sense at all and have totally missed the point! Lalala he is HOW SMART! I can't find his photo of him, but I reckon he probably looks like one of them:
Ok... next guy on the list... you all probably would know him. He is none other than our investment guru...
NUMBER 1 in Forbe's billionaires list, net worth of $62billion, largest shareholder and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway...

WARREN BUFFETT

He is HOW RICH. Warren Edward Buffett is an American investor, businessman and philanthropist. He was ranked by Forbes as the richest person in the world as of February 11, 2008.
Why did he make it to my top 5 list?
Because.. he is HOW NICE! Often called the 'Oracle of Omaha', Buffett is noted for his adherence to the value investing philosophy for his personal frugality despite his immense wealth. His annual salary was about $100,000, which is small compared to senior executive remuneration in other comparable companies. He lives in the same house in the central Dundee neighbourhood of Omaha that he bought in 1958 for $31,500, today valued at around $700,000.

Buffett is also a noted philanthropist. In 2006, he announced a plan to give away his fortune to charity, with 83% (MIND YOU EIGHTY THREE PER CENT) of it to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. And blah blah blah. In short, he is HOW SMART (else he wouldn't be this rich), HOW RICH (he is the richest person on earth), HOW NICE (already described above) - with those combinations, how can he not be my idol?!?

Ok, I'm not guy-crazy and to prove my point, my next idol is....
A GIRL!!!!!!
I bet you guys definitely know her!!!!

SUZANNE JUNG

She is the face of Prime Time Morning (Channel News Asia). I actually don't know much about her except that she is from Korea, speaks good English, gives me a good impression, makes me think that she is a nice person and, I just enjoy watching PTM when I'm back in Singapore. Uh, I forgot the her co-host's name, but they seem pretty compatible haha. And I heard that she is from AJC. Uh, something to be proud of?

Ok, I'm getting very tired of typing already so I'll make a very brief introduction to my last idol... uh... *thinks hard. Ok, Disney's...

MULAN


I bet everyone knows her, so I don't need to say anything else.

Thats all. Gosh I'm so so so so tired from today's incessant lectures.

Why

Random: Reading the case: Tri-Star Customs & Forwarding Ltd v Denning which was decided by Salmon J in the previous judgment. I feel like eating him. He sounds yummy.

Why titan Bernard Arnault (CEO of LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton) can hold $24 billion portfolios of more than 50 brands - running the gamut from Fendi to DFS?
Where does he find the time?!
How does he prevent competition from rivals from the same industry who are none other than himself?!

Is it fair that the US Fed bailed out AIG/Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae but let Lehman Brothers sink?

US Treasury Secretary urged Congress to swiftly pass an unprecedented 700-billion-dollar financial rescue plan. What are the repercussions? 700-billion-dollar financial rescue plan, and then...?

What is happening to China's milk scandal?

Why do aeroplanes hardly crash into each other when flying in the sky? Radar? But there are so one thousand and one planes flying around, is the system that perfect?

Why do I keep dreaming about flying aeroplanes?

Why my laptop's sound system just got to screw up this very moment?

Why doesn't someone franchise Krispy Kreme in Singapore?

Why isn't 'Your arms feel like home' 3 doors down's hit single?

How did Criss Angel do his oasis stunt?

How is former PM of Japan Yasuo Fukuda going to lead his life for the next 10 years?

What is George Bush going to do after he steps down?

Is there really God?

Are there really ghosts?

How about black magic?

Where do our souls come from? Why are there more and more and more new souls accompanying newborns? So.... if there isn't reincarnation, there would be....99999 to the power of 99999999999999999999999 multiplied by 9999999999999 souls plus 99999999999999 to the power of 1000000000000000000000000 souls in future?
If there is reincarnation - maybe we only have 9999999999999999999 to the power of 9999 souls. But what accounts for population growth?!

How about judgment day?

Why are the Davis's carrels occupied by 10AM in the morning?!

How did they build the train tunnel under water linking 2 HK islands?

Why must things be in such a way it is now?

Why am I so tired?

Is there always a solution to everything?

Is there really different time dimensions? Would a time machine ever be invented? If it would in future, someone amongst us must be from the future.

Why do I ask so many questions?

Who, what, where, when, why, how?

Must.stop.here.else.I'll.start.throwing.out.weird.questions.

We talked late into the night about everything and anything. And I came up with another sub-definition of 'good'.

I reckon it is when someone, trying so desperately to do the right thing and being good, turns away from his/her pride in maintaining that 'good' image, and doing something viewed as 'bad' in the public eye, suffering the consequences of being shunned, mocked, criticized, yet bearing in mind that it is something for the greater good.

Maybe thats why every great public figure had been hated by people of his time and yet, revered later in history. How bloody difficult. And if you realized, most heroes experience somewhat tragic endings. Really, how good are you?

Gosh, why am I so caught up with the question of 'what is good?' Does it even matter.
Don't I just love stay-overs? I think better at night.

We met randomly along the streets this afternoon and decided to hang out.
We walked pass the Ferry Terminal on the way to Princess Wharf.
And decided to hop on one and made our way to Devonport in the late afternoon.

My parents have been very busy lately and they hardly call. I haven't been talking to them for quite some time. The other night I had dinner with Uncle, Aunty and Victor and although there were awkward moments, I felt 'safe' - its the closest to family I can get here. You know, that sense of security you feel with your family - that they will never do anything to hurt you regardless of how horrid you've been, that sense of certainty - that they will always be there 24/7 regardless whether you've ever been there for them. I need that sense of security and certainty now. Its been some time since I've called back, maybe I should take the first step now.

The more I think about it, the more stupid I feel about folding my CV and Cover letter thrice and squeezing it into that tiny envelop. I think my potential mentor's first impression of me probably drop by half when he sees that unprofessional presentation =( To salvage my situation, I sent another application, this time in a nice big white envelop with my best handwriting on it. Either he is going to think that I'm blardy kiasu or he would realize how desperate I am and maybe, decides to be kind and compassionate and REPLY ME!!! (I've spent quite a bit for postage costs!)

Aggressivity

ECON 211: Why another Great Depression is unlikely? (16 Sept 2008)

Policymakers now know much more about macroeconomics:

• The Fed knows much better than to let money supply fall so much, especially during a contraction.
• Fiscal policymakers know much better than to raise taxes or cut spending during contraction

Federal deposit insurance makes widespread bank failures very unlikely.
Automatic stabilizers make fiscal policy expansionary during an economic downturn.

CNA: Stock markets plunge as global crisis deepens (18 Sept 2008)

But after the collapse of Lehman Brothers and the forced sale of Merrill Lynch, US media said Morgan Stanley was looking for help after seeing its stock drop another 24 percent Wednesday.
(Note: Lehman Brothers actually weathered the capital crisis of the Great Depression.)

I sure hope ECON 211 is true. I have faith (??) in my lecturer.
Is that the reason why I haven't received any replies from any banks? Except Deutsche which stated that I do not fulfill the pre-requisites because I'm not in my last year of studies :(
I feel pretty uneasy now, AIG is in trouble and so are we. Dad sounds pretty worried. Furthermore, this is probably gonna threaten my rice bowl in the future. But I guess I don't quite feel the impact of it, other than reading/watching it on news everyday. Maybe I'm too far down under.

So, I've been in the doldrums for the past few days BUT decided to channel my excess energy to aggressiveness! I continued spamming firms with my CV. These are the victims:

1. JPMorgan
2. KPMG
3. Deutsche
4. Credit Suisse
5. Stamford Law Corporation
6. WongPartnership
7. KhatterWong
8. Colin Ng & Partners
9. Baker& McKenzie.Wong & Leow
10. Drew & Napier
11. Minter Ellison

WongPartnership and Colin Ng are darn efficient. I sent them an email last night and they replied me early this morning which really made my day. Its not a confirmation reply but sounds positive. Actually, I can't really make up my mind whether he is saying yes or no. He gave me the likely dates and asked me to send him another email when the dates draw nearer. So I rule that as I-don't-know. The other one just asked for the dates, so I shall not keep my hopes too high and take it as a wait-awhile-we-are-still-considering. As for the rest... I'm still checking my email consistently and frequently.

I'm pretty excited to work. I really am. Its only 2 weeks per internship and I wanna work my ass off! I just got that sudden urge and desire to do an internship, I ran down to the post office this morning to submit my application for the 2009 Minter Ellison Rudd Watts internship. Usually, I wouldn't even give a thought about it but last night when I was checking my email, they said that they've extended the deadline for applications till 19th (which is tomorrow) and it sounded really cool! Its one day per week from March to Sept 2009, paid, assigned to a team with a mentor and blah blah blah. Most importantly, its a global law firm! I dismissed the thought of applying initially. Then I started daydreaming for awhile, then I realized I've already done up my CV and cover letter, I just needed to send it. Deciding that its something which would make my morning exciting, I decided to give it a try. Early this morning I got the application form, filled it in, dashed to the post office and begged/pointed a gun/bribed the staff to get the documents sent by tomorrow. AND LUCKY ME their POBox was actually IN THE POST OFFICE I went to! That means, they can immediately slot it in so its delivered right at that minute. MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *laughs with contentment.

Then at the corner of my eye, I spotted my rival filling in the same distinct red application form! AHHH!!! Haha ok, its really cheap thrill - the sending and the waiting for a reply game. I doubt I would even get an interview, its just fun trying your luck - its like playing with jackpot. I still got a teeny weeny bit of chance okay!

Gosh, I'm so exhausted. These 2 days have been really hectic.

1 post a day keeps the psychiatrist away

When there is nothing else to lose, there is nothing else to be afraid of.

Whats there for me to be afraid of?!
Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Yay!

Finally, I managed to spam the banks and law firms with my resume.
I hope they spam me with replies too.

Moot this morning was really good. Surprisingly.

But... hmm... don't know..


Away From The Sun - 3 Doors Down

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone do what I've done
I missed life
I missed the colours of the world
Can anyone go where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't do what I've done

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

yeah, another post again

I know, I know, and I admit that I've been exceedingly emotional (I still don't like the word emo) the past entries.

Yeah, my emotions have been shuttling between both ends of the spectrum uncontrollably I feel so wasted. I reckon you're right, I've been too hard on myself. I think I've been trying to cut all emotions so quickly and so drastically that ironically a lil negative thought would make me crumble.

Anyway, today is the last day of my hols (Did I even mention hols? Why didn't it feel anything like it?) and I am still sour that I didn't get to do what I wanted but it doesn't matter that much any more. I know the remaining part of the semester would be over before I know it. (I really need a break from...EVERYTHING!)

Well, what have brought me through everything? Music. As much as I wanted to do some art, I just...didn't have the time or...mood...or energy...or whatever. Miraculously, I haven't been oversleeping too much recently - I've overslept but the thing is I actually react to my alarm clock! JOY TO THE WORLD! Uh, don't know if its actually that great because I've been having many disturbing dreams so...probably thats why. So this morning, I woke up at the record-breaking time of 9am! (Note: its the LAST day of my hols and its a SUNday) But thats only because I couldn't sleep peacefully with the knowledge that I have an unwritten moot and ill-prepared test to deal with once school starts which is, well the next day.

I felt pretty depressed and thinking about the moot just makes me shiver. I made my way down to the Davis and feeling so helplessly demoralized, I started downloading heaps of songs and you know what, it made everything so so so SO MUCH better. And I started to write something and soon it became 1000 words and soon it just kept increasing exponentially. This is so so random but half way through, I kinda 'heard' my 'mentor' (aka my idol) during my internship at Harry Elias saying: you got to immerse yourself in the legal field, even if you are just a student. You got to think and act like a lawyer, it makes you more focus and daring. Ok, thats not exactly what he said, but something along those lines. I remembered him telling me that on my first day on the way to Court. Yeah, I reckon I've been so clouded with fear such that I haven't really truly enjoy it.

Anyway, I really really really love this song playing on my imeem. It brought me and is still bringing me through this period. Listen, its really, really, really nice.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
Haven't had such a good laugh continuously for hours for a long long time.
Damn am I good at forced matchmaking.
HAHA.

Its scary what people would do when they have all the freedom to do so, when nobody is looking, when no one would know.
Would you go against your conscience and yield to temptations?
Thats what differentiates the good from the bad. Which one are you?

High School

Randomly, I feel a nostalgia for my secondary/JC days.
Uh, it happens to us every now and then, no?
It must have been this song!
I remember being an ardent fan of rock music like Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and the likes.
My choice of music has changed ever since, but still, haha hearing it every once in awhile feels really good!
I don't know where I got this song from but when it started playing on my iTUnes during shuffle mode, I felt oddly happy.

haha I miss going for concerts. I remembered we jumped and shouted and screamed and cursed till we were all sweaty and faint. -___-'' The atmosphere was awesome and I was convinced half way through that the Suntec Conventional hall was going to collapse and wanted to evacuate - Resonance effect when everyone jumps at the point where SP sang 'JUMP!'

Enough of crying?
Enough of wasting away?
Enough of being tired?
Enough of everything?
Right.
Time to move on.
Huiling steps aside.

No, too many issues.

trust issues.

Nocturnal

Yeah, my sleeping cycle is totally screwed again.
But thank god everything is back to normal, or so it seems.

Uh, its coming to the end of my first week of hols which has been not surprisingly, unproductive.
The past week has been an ordeal but its over and I can finally steer my way back and normalize my daily routine (I hope it isn't too late). It has been wearying but nobody said it was going to be easy. (Although I would like to continue it by saying 'no one ever said it would be so hard')

Enough said of that. There should be a closure for now.

Anyways! My friends came over for a stay over last night and I attempted to cook chicken rice again. Uh, its been a long time since I did that - its too much trouble cooking unless its for a group. I realize it tastes different every time because I do not have a definite recipe to follow. Just a random observation - the rice seems proportionately smaller whenever I cook chicken rice, it seems as if it shrank during the process of cooking. They made nice chilled cheesecake but what a pity, I didn't get to see how it was done.

I think I am so used to people coming over such that I overlooked the need for being a good host. Its only after they've left then it dawned on me. Uh, I actually fell asleep when they were here and I thought thats pretty rude. Haha like, can you imagine yourself visiting someone and she falls asleep when you are there.

Anyhows, there I go again, posting for the sake of relieving myself from the pains of essaying yet minimizing the time left to the deadline - not as if I have much time left. Urgh my plans of going there and there (pointing at least 100km away) are totally zoomed down to here and here (pointing at most 100m away). That means my holiday destinations are zeroed in from Rotorua and Taupo to Waiheke and Rangitoto to Devonport and North Shore to Eden Park and Parnell then ultimately to - Gloria Jeans, Law School, Queen Street and Home. What does it prove? That at the end of the day, I am still stuck in my 100m radius route of travel! I can't believe this! Tell me bout how vast NZ is and blah blah blah and how tiny Singapore is - I bet I travel 100times the distance in that tiny red dot than this long white cloud.

Anyways why am I up at this hour in front of my coolass (supposedly pronounced as 'cool-ass' - Some random name I gave my cool laptop which ironically heats up so quickly I need to get a ventilator for it. Actually, I might change his/her name and gender anytime soon because coolass sounds like cool-less which might mean that its not very cool or that it is clueless) laptop when I should be doing more entertaining stuff.

Not as if you are that interested - more like I am interested to tell you. I'm doing my terribly arduous, mind-boggling, absolutely complicated, puzzling and unmanageable Art History Assignment (spelled as Assingment One on the question paper - shows how 'mind-boggling' it can be).

Nah, I'm just exaggerating - its not too difficult, its pretty intriguing in fact. And precisely because of that, I take forever to finish it because as usual I digress and start reading unrelated stuff. Its gonna bore some of you I reckon, but some stuff are pretty interesting. I was doing this question on how the illusion of 3 dimensional space can be created in paintings and its really quite cool - the use of linear perspective with the orthogonals and Ponzo illusion, aerial perspective and blah blah blah but whatever it is, damn the paintings are awesome! Plus a lil history bout them made it even more compelling.

I'm working on the second question now about meanings produced in paintings. Uh I chose 2 - The Venus of Urbino and Olympia. Both about nudity but the social context behind it was far more complicated (or lets say long-winded in layman's view) than I thought it would be. So it goes all the way back to the story as told in Genesis - Adam and Eve - the first nudes in the tradition: And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and it was a delight to the eyes...and did eat; and she gave also unto her husband...and the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...And the Lord God called unto the man and said unto him, 'Where are thou?' And he said, 'I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself...' - They became aware of being naked because as the result of eating the apple, each saw the other differently. Nakedness was created in the mind of the beholder. The woman is blamed and is punished by being made subservient to the man. In relation to the woman, the man becomes the agent of God.

The social presence of a woman is different in kind from that of a man. A man's presence is dependent upon the promise of power which he embodies. By contrast, a woman's presence expresses her own attitude to herself and defines what can or cannot be done to her. Men act and women appear. Alright and there are so much more about the other paintings and differences of nudity and nakedness. Passing it off as just another erotic picture would really discredit the artist I reckon.

Ok, I really ought not to carry on because the main thing of reading all these stuff is not to post but to come up with an essay. If I go on and on here and probably hitting a word count of 2000 but still 0 on my word document window, I pretty much will not do well.

Your mistakes do not define you now
They tell you who you're not.

I sat along Tamaki Drive after my run.
Coincidentally the sun was setting.
Finally, something consoling.
No, I wasn't being emotional, I was just trying to be appreciative.
Its my way of seeking solace.


Time passes so slowly at night.

Its easy to go unnoticed in Uni.
Put on a different jacket, wear a cap, tie up my hair, look down, sit at the corner end seat, plug in.
Maybe my sitting partner wondered why am I not attending lectures again.
Maybe the lecturer didn't even notice someone sitting at that corner.
Maybe people around thought its weird wearing a cap during winter.
But it doesn't matter because they do not know who is that girl.

Its easy to feel invisible in Uni.
I plugged in and it seems as though there was only me, myself, I and someone who seems to understand singing through my ipod.
I saw a few familiar faces today but none recognized me.

Its really nothing, I was just lazy to smile today.

This pain is too much to bear

Sigh.
My ability to block out my thoughts is failing me.

... wth... I had a really bad night... I was perpetually having ridiculous dreams/nightmares about the Olympics I hardly felt rested this morning. -_______-""

Finally, something not-so-nonsensical

I don't know why but I actually feel very comforted and happy today.
(Although I'm so far behind for all my papers and I'm just starting on Contracts test)

Its one of the rare occasions my mood swings towards the positive side - so much so that I have to blog about it.

Maybe it was the grocery shopping I done just now (I made it to both Taiping and Foodtown! Also a reason why I actually spent twice the amount I budgeted to)

Maybe its because I made it to Torts (I had nightmares throughout the night about oversleeping such that I woke up in time - how ironic and miraculous is that!)

Maybe I have figured out certain stuff

Maybe I have accepted certain stuff

Maybe there isn't really a need to know why. Why must we always know why. Sometimes there isn't a reason or rather it doesn't even matter. Because what matters most is already in place.

Its been quite some time since I've blogged about...well...issues about life, if you will. I realized I've been writing quite a fair bit of crap the past few months. Not that I've made a recent revelation or anything like that, but well, I reckon its better to think things through when you are at balance or peace with yourself - at least you will not run the risk of swaying towards the negative or paranoia which tends to be a slippery slope and before you know it, you enter the realm of depression.

I guess thats my vulnerability - the inability to control yet the ability to over-control my feelings. It sounds a lil...awkward and contradictory but if you think about it, most characteristics, regardless of how different they are, can be used to describe you in one way or another - it just depends on which context you are using it. Some say that I'm hardworking but come on, who is inherently hardworking? I can be the laziest person you know yet the most hardworking person you've met - it all depends on what I'm doing or who I am with.

Characteristics used to describe us are just a reflection of how we present ourselves in front of the people we mix with. I am actually a lil skeptical of its accuracy in portraying us as a whole. But I reckon it more or less does for some, well at least it shows where the person's personality tends to. Oh wells, thats just a random thought of mine - it kinda serves as a reminder that although first impression counts, its not decisive. Sometimes, you gotta take a step back and accommodate a lil more.

Alright, what was my point? Oh ya, my inability to control and my ability to over-control. When I was younger, I thought being a good person was a cool idea so I envisaged myself to be a good person. It sounded pretty easy and it feels good too. Whats more, everything to me was either black or white, right or wrong - just do the right thing and I am good and everyone would love me. Easy, no?

Of course, I grew up and was introduced to something called Grey and something called Subjectivity. Being good was no longer as simple as it seems but I thought as long as I stand firm on what I believe in, I will still be good.

Of course, I continued growing and realized that I no longer understood what 'good' means. Good for who? Good to who? Struggled quite a bit and gave in to countless temptations thinking that it doesn't matter any more - when you lose your definition of 'good', you lose your persistence in maintaining that belief. When there is a loophole in your faith, you can and will come up with all reasons to stray from it - which I did.

I didn't do anything outwardly harmful and people hardly noticed it. But I know its something obviously wrong. But who knows, who cares when nobody actually was affected by it? I guess thats why we have something called conscience and moral. Nobody needs to know - as long as you do and you care - thats enough because that is going to plague you for quite some time, if not, forever. So I was settled that yes, I'm a horrid person with corrupted thoughts - we all do don't we? But as long as I do not convert it into actions, it will be fine. I'm just being human.

But that brought another problem forward. That is my ability to control - gradually, I became so in tune with controlling I started unknowingly over-controlling. My objective mind was initially used to tell me what to do and what not to do. Soon, its usage broadened and now its telling me what to think, what to feel and what not to and how to be a good person.

Whats wrong with that? Good sounds acceptable and desirable. But there is something wrong with that, I failed to see its consequences. When you void yourself from feelings you kinda lose a part of yourself. It wasn't really apparent at the start but it kinda exposes you to a danger of falling harder when you realize it. Things do not go smoothly in reality and its not always certain that good begets good. When you do not get a flowery outcome as you imagined, you start questioning the reasons and the worthiness of your efforts. Sooner or later you try to find yourself and to your horror, you can't. Are you really good? Or being good for the sake of being good? What is the point of being good? At that instance of questioning, I usually fall into a deranged state and thats when I lose it all - a sudden lost in control in everything - thats when my inability to control occurs.

I guess a solution to most, if not everything is a matter of balance. How to achieve that? I'm still figuring - such stuff takes time, experiences and maturity. Being good is a tricky lil thing, being good and still preserving yourself is mind-boggling. Good - what a broad term it is. Good as a human, a citizen, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a student, a passenger, a customer or a worker?

I know you guys might think that I'm thinking too much again. But, hey, I'm striking a balance here, I don't wanna run the risk of having psychosis during contracts haha.

And of course, how can I not remember to say this:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT!!! (2/08/08)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO!!! (6/08/08)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPEN!!! (12/08/08)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JES!!! (21/08/08)
No, I'm not trying to be objectively good, I'm trying to sincerely wish you guys haha!