I have moved on.

http://on-my-way-here.blogspot.com/

Run away,

to somewhere nobody could ever find you,

and decide.

Shit. I'm going down again. Shit.
I must stop this.

Karangahake Gorge Trip

Feeling awfully stress now, I've decided to eat a banana and blog about...um..something.

Oh yeah, about my tramping trip yesterday. The physical challenge I imposed upon myself with not much regret I must say.

Well I did initially, when I had to drag myself out of bed at supposedly 630am but I only managed to at 7am on a Sunday morning, mind you. I cursed and swear and rushed and barely made it in time. We headed up North to somewhere near Paeroa (where the famous L&P drink originated). It was around an hour 40min drive and I soon nodded off in the car - you see the reason why I am still procrastinating in taking my driving license.

Admittedly, I do not really know the details of the trip. I know we were going tramping somewhere outside Auckland but thats about it. I was so caught up trying to finish what I was supposed to finish and that overshadowed any bit of excitement about the trip. Anyway, we got there and I just felt absolutely lazy and tired. I wonder where my so-called adventurous spirit and passion for outdoors went. See the evilness of jurisprudence and legal research? They consume you into their black hole, swallowing up your every bit of emotions towards anything else. (Ok, ok, I shall stop being melodramatic)

Anyway, I decided that I might just get an inspiration or 2 when I'm climbing up to presumably the summit of this thing I'm climbing. Maybe I'll get a moment of inspiration and come up with some radical new thought or concept which no one ever did. Or maybe I'll miraculously understand what is happening in whatever papers I'm taking now. Maybe.. so I started day dreaming about that whilst climbing the somewhat difficult trek. Soon, all those thoughts faded and all attention and energy was put into getting one feet ahead of the other. Gosh, I never learn my lesson, do I? Lesson learnt again: Do not attempt to do something physically challenging without first training. First was the National Vertical Marathon, now its this.

Well long story short, I managed to reach the summit and the view was of course, awesome.
Happily forgetting the shitload of work at home, it came back to haunt me by text: "Hey Huiling, I'm a little stuck on 399 (legal research). For Question 1.... " And the text went on about that. Sheesh, I can't believe its overarching presence, it even found me on the summit!!!

Since legal research is here to follow me, might as well complement it. I shall next provide you with a breadcramp trail showing how my tramp went:

Summit > lunch > headed down > explored some caves and tunnels and mines > saw the glow warms in a pitch-dark cave > felt a sense of comfort > went to a river and some went swimming/diving > met really nice people through the trip > trekked back to the car park > had takeaways > drove back to the city

Oh, and coincidentally, I met someone who is from Alexander! The small lil town we went mountain biking the other time. I never expected meeting someone from that small lil town up North in Auckland, neither did he expect meeting someone who have actually been there before. Then again, if the world is small, how big can New Zealand really be?

Huiling screams for help.. no, time!

#$%^&*!!!!!!
I just uncovered a horrible, life-threatening truth... I'm in fact 100 pages behind my readings when I thought I was 10 pages ahead!!!!

Like wt#$%^&*!!!? I feel so cheated!!!!

Ok, breathe Huiling, breathe. Ok I spent last week doing applications and minimal readings. I took a look at my calendar and gasped, 'Why are there so many orange squares!!! (means assignments deadlines or some random activity)'.

Friday was spent getting stuff for our tramping trip on Sunday which is tomorrow. Its from 8am to 8pm, and I foresee I will obviously get no work done tomorrow. Which means I've to work like a machine today. I did my legal research, did minimal Econs catch-up, rushed to New Market to get my charger, did the housework and laundry, dinner and here I am playing another round of catch-up.

I'm supposed to have an early night, just so I survive tomorrow. But hell! The shit load of work just keeps piling its gonna topple on me soon! If not, now! AH!

The feeling of being cheated is true when
You spent a day reading something boring and difficult,
you tell yourself to persevere because you are getting ahead of everyone else,
you encourage yourself every time you flip a page,
you feel the huge sense of satisfaction when you are convinced that you are no longer lagging behind,
and then you refer to your notes and realise you are actually 100 pages behind.

S
C
R
E
A
M
S
!

I HATE YOU!!!!!!! *SCREAMS AND SHREDS AND TEARS AND CHOPS AND MINCES AND GRINDS AND DEEP-FRY MY COURSEBOOK AND EAT IT UP!!!

Argh. So what, I like being a spoilt and whiny brat. *snorts.

19

I am 19.
People tell me that.
And you should believe that.

Interview

Interviewer: 'So what would be your greatest challenge joining us?'
Me: 'My mom. No, I'm serious!'

Interviewer: 'So do you have any questions to ask us?'
Me: 'Am I in?'

Interviewer: 'How are you going to communicate with your colleagues in a new country?'
Me: 'I talk'

I've a track record of unimpressive replies during interviews.

Interviewer: 'What do you know about PR?'
Me: 'Uh.. advertising?'

But I thought they looked tired and bored after a full day of interviews so I decided to tweak my answers a lil, just to do them a favour of making it more entertaining. Ok, fine, I admit, I did not prepare for this interview. And I, of course, have valid reasons (not excuses, mind you).

I have always thank APPLE for its greatest gift to me - a MacBookPro which have never died on me during my past 3 years in NZ. Even if it decides that it can no longer take my nonsense, it is still considerate and sensible to malfunction only when I'm in Singapore (i.e. neglecting it). I always imagined the nightmarish consequences of it breaking down during my school term - all my precioous notes would be gone, my primary form of communication with the world would disappear, and I would obviously be very upset.

Having already a very bad week, I woke up to a dead charger. The insulator of the wire has been burnt and it could no longer charge my laptop. I panicked, cursed, freaked out by the thought of not having my laptop the next few days, and started making phonecalls seeking help. After a whole round of frustrating calls, I managed to find out where can I get it replaced (for free - with a huge sigh of relief because I got the Apple-care Plan). Still peeved by the fact that I can't get the work I expected myself to complete in the morning done, I trudged towards the Uni bus-stop lugging the heavy laptop. Waited for 40min for the bus (I suspect it travels at 20km/hr) and did not alight at the right bus-stop. Walked back to the store and loaned a charger while they get mine replaced. Since I've paid a dollar sixty to get there, might as well pick up some groceries since the bus-stop ain't that far from my apartment.

Bad.idea. Not as if my laptop wasn't heavy enough, I went for a grocery-shopping-spree and got more than what I could finish in a week. Fast-forward - the bus conductor confirmed that he was stopping at the University (he meant AUT, I meant UOA). Sensing something amiss after passing AUT and going up Queens St, I double checked with him and to my horror, he said he already passed the University. I wanted to knock his head with my chicken wings. ARGHHHHHH......

I got down at K-Road with my groceries and laptop, cursing like no other and started my treacherous, long journey home. Occasionally, I sit along the streets, take out my laptop and watch a couple of videos and pick some tomatoes out of my grocery bags and munch on it. (Ok, I'm joking, I'm not that retarded, its just to emphasize that the journey home was long).

Yes, I reached home, dead tired with the whole morning gone. How often do I actually wake up at 8am in a weekend morning determined to get some work done?!? Almost never! ARGH! Straight after I got dressed for the interview and there goes my precious Saturday. I got so much pent-up emotions this week, I wanna roar!

My blog has been neglected and is becoming a lil depressing... I shall and must focus on the less-disheartening stuff...

Australia
I've been planning my trip to Australia during the inter-semester break. Got the accommodation settled, thanks to Joseph, Kaelyn and Yan (Adelaide, Sydney and Melbourne). This is gonna be a really budgeted trip, mainly to breathe and relax. No concrete plans yet but most probably just day trips around the city and galleries, hopefully a performance in the Sydney Opera House, travel by rail from Adelaide to Melbourne, surfing at Bondi Beach and just wandering around.

Ukraine
It was a random decision I made. I was contemplating to apply for internships in NZ over the summer because I know it will be a very good learning experience. But, I do feel a lil reluctant, thinking that I'm always spending my holidays working. Not that I don't enjoy it, but its also true that I'm gonna work the next 30 or more years! I know an internship is definitely gonna give me a leg-up during my career-searching period, but I realized I've been hard-out in this aspect for quite some time. I might not have the luxury of time to travel next time - and what the hell, I rather that experience. (Although its very very very tough for me to give up the idea of working in a big company- then again, I might not get it) So yes, I decided that doing projects in Ukraine sounds more exciting than doing an internship in NZ (we get paid too) so...why not? Looks equally good on your CV, if that matters.

Haven't done anything impulsive lately and I'm getting a lil bored, frustrated, restless, dismal, somber and whatever upsetting feelings you can think off. Ok, so off I go for an interview tomorrow. I dropped that bomb to my mom last night and the rest of the conversation went on like this: "No, you are not going" and "I don't care, I am going". Then again, what are the chances of actually getting in? Not high. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Millenium Development Goals
I went for a talk by Salil Shetty, the Director of the UN Millenium Campaign, speaking about the progresses and challenges of poverty reduction made by the Millenium Development Goals. In his current role, he is one of the world's leading advocates for governments keep their MDG pledges to the developing world.

I wasn't extremely keen on going for his talk initially because what was going in my mind was this: Oh no, not another activist! I can imagine him going on about how great is their cause, how successful they are and blah blah blah. Then again, I do know stuff about this issue and I thought hearing what he had to say might bring more insights. So we went for the talk which started at a-not-very-early hour of 8pm (It was a very long school day and I was dead tired by 6pm). Ok admittedly, I was struggling to keep awake. Not that he was boring or anything, but you've no idea how tired I was. I poured sweets and water down my throat and opened my eyes as big as I possibly can. Finally, I got through the nodding off stage and could devote my attention to him.

I wasn't as inspired as my friend was after the talk, I'm quite skeptical about such va va voom goals and ideals. The speaker himself know the extreme obstacles they face. But at least, it reminded me of my younger days. I was really into this cause, alleviating poverty so to speak. I read heaps on it, had the desire to do something about it, came up with huge personal plans which I never really told anyone just to save myself from being labeled crazy. But as you grow up, you kinda see another side of the world, some people say that its "growing up" and it seems like skepticism is directly proportionate to it.

I'm terrified when my friend made this comment on me: I didn't know you are such an activist, Huiling (when she realized I joined the ONE campaign many years back). I immediately shot back, 'I'm NOT!' I don't want to look idealistic, I like to maintain that neutral position. Being neutral in the sense of not expecting huge goals to be fulfilled - its different from not wanting to help. But I guess, activists do have their use - if not for their persistent drive and dedication to a certain cause, I reckon much less would be done. I wonder what happened to that strong belief I had a few years back.

Anyway, I'm still not convinced how all these systems of funding/charity/schemes work effectively.

why and how

It has been tough.

Updates!

And so my internship stint with WongPartnership has ended. That means I'm leaving for NZ soon!
Everyone's been leaving the past week - my bro, yan, Lisa, Joseph and more to come.

This hols have been one of the longest, the last 2 hols were spent traveling but not this - I've been in Singapore most of the time. Lets all blame it on the recession! Disgruntled by the missed opportunity, I'm planning a vacation in Australia this July! Whether it would materialize is still a question mark, but...at least I took the first step in exchanging for Aussie dollars hahaha, cheap thrill.

I've done 2 or 3 internships this summer, depending on how you see it. All of which are from different industries. ICON is a small company but has a strong and diverse client base. It has nothing to do with what I'm studying. Their main business is strategic communications and deals a lot with the media. People from that field are really...one of a kind. They seem very willing and at ease in giving me work. I reckon thats one of the plus points in working in a small company - they allow you to deal with their clients directly and you're able to participate in their meetings. Not that they care less about their reputation, just that they are not as anal as big companies haha.

C.S. Choong is an accounting firm. I'm supposed to do 'legal research' but oh wells... its related to accounting concepts. To put it in a better way, its understanding accounting concepts from legal judgments. In conclusion, I'm still adamant that I really do not like accounting.

WongPartnership is one of the biggest local law firms. Because it is huge and has its reputation to safeguard, we apprenticed interns are the wastrel of the firm. We raid the pantry more than a few times in the day, we hang out in the toilet, improve our act-hardworking skills, tour around the firm, awing at the scenary, trying ways to get our hands on the foosball in the recreational room and...socialize. It was fun knowing the rest of the interns and extremely exciting and nerve wrecking when work gets on your hands.

That wraps up my internship. Of course, hols are not all about working. There are still meet ups and gatherings. Sadly, I hardly get any photos because I do not have a camera. And some take f.o.r.e.v.e.r to upload it on fb. I've also started learning the piano, read a lil on finance, read a lot on merger and acquisitions, companies and blah blah blah - though I'm slowly shifting my focus away from that.

Gosh, I ate so much last night and this morning I had a really bad stomachache...I.shall.go.for.a.swim.later.

I meant to blog something longer... but...headache.
Basically work started yesterday at WongPartnership and I'm under the Corporate Mergers and Acquisitions Department.
The office is huge and I'm perpetually lost. Ok too tired to continue. I've been having the craziest dreams these past few nights.
Hope to see you momos soon!

The lil one

I did not like kids because I'm scared of them. All they know is to:

cry
Cry
AND CRY

And they are tiny, fragile, shivery and frangible...

I concluded that I should stay far from them. Don't go near them and they won't cry. Don't touch them and they won't break. So I happily led 21 years of my life without carrying any of my lil cousins or babies or toddlers or whatever which seems fragile to me.

Then came my aunt's daughter. Her name is Qiao Wen (Mandarin) or Hao Mun (Cantonese). My family calls her Mun Mun. Gosh, she is the cutest thing on earth! I finally see this side of babies/toddlers:
so delightful
so adorable
SO CUTE!

She is 16 months old, extremely intelligent and joyful. She hardly cries, very sociable, laughs a lot, very responsive, dances, kisses, walks, and rolls. Haha I know she doesn't like me that much though. My aunt always points to me and tell her 'Jie Jie huai dan' because apparently I 'bullied' her. But thats not true, its my way of teaching her! Good lessons are hard to learn =) Nonetheless I still love her! Buahahhahahahahahahaahha I'm going to get her a nice new dress from Pumpkin Patch and she will love me to bits the next time she sees me.

Jo! Wq! Sl! Hurry! Give birth! Your kids' Godmom is waiting!!! I will take extremely good care of them, and shower them with lotsa love, care, concern and toys! I got 4 days baby-sitting experience!

.......................................................................
My Boss spent 99% of the previous meeting trying to persuade me into changing my major back to Accountancy.

Unbelievable.

I don't know what made him so determined to 'convert' me. After half an hour of preaching about the benefits of an Accounting degree, I still showed no signs of interest. Seeing that I am adamant about even considering the switch, he offered to teach me and blah blah blah...

Rahhh...don't make me even more confused with my already confusing choices. Greedy momo is always tempted to learn everything.

I like my 'jobless' days. Its not going to last long but at least there is a short break. Well, it hasn't really started actually. It will after I return from Malaysia, I hope - thats if I don't get dragged to my parents office. I finally started reading a couple of books which I've felt like reading for awhile. Not business-related, not law-related, just purely for enjoyment. It feels good, it feels somewhat comforting.

Haha random but the girl I tutored got into law! Yay! Pretty satisfying.

The Missing Piece

Sometimes I'm so certain of my goal in life. I'm convinced that work brings me joy and satisfaction - its indisputable that a successful career is what I aim for. Business/Law books/notes are scattered on my table. Business proposals, C.V.s, business-related stuff are what I've been reading the past month. I really do enjoy them, but at the same time, I've unknowingly let other things in life slip by. Regret, that is what they call it. I try not to have that feeling in me - its something haunting and recurring. But more often than not, it happens.

Things have never really changed ever since grandmom passed. My family is emotionally 'strong'. In other words, we deal with our emotions internally, hardly showing a tinge of sadness. According to either the Taoist or Buddhist (I still can't figure out which one it is) belief, the deceased's loved ones should not let their tears fall into the coffin. They believe that the deceased must reincarnate within 49 days, if not they will become wandering spirits. As such, they told us not to grieve too much else she will not bear to leave this world.

Similar to my granddad's funeral, not many cried. Not because they are not missed or loved but its just because how the family is. I totally didn't have a problem with that because we all know how much the family respected my grandmom. She was someone many have high regards for. She had the wisdom, the knowledge, the heart and the abilities. Her passing was unexpected and largely due to a medical misadventure which enraged my dad.

Personally, I haven't really allowed time to think about it. I'm not ashamed to say that I hardly cried during the funeral (just like the time my maternal grandmom passed). My dad thinks I'm apathetic and gave me a long lecture about the importance of family ties. I see no point in it. People have different ways in dealing with situations. I block my emotions when I'm with a crowd, I just do what I'm supposed to do and will do what I need to do when I'm in my comfort zone. Sad to say, not everyone realizes this. My cousin who recently converted to Christianity was the subject of criticism that day. To be fair, there isn't an absolute right or wrong in this case. The family had no problems with him converting, rather, they encouraged it. But they felt that he was disrespectful towards my grandmom for not praying to her (using the incense). Either way he is going to be labeled as being disrespectful - the only difference is to who - my grandmom or his god. Its pretty sad because nobody sees the struggles he faced and I guess its easy to conclude that he is unfilial. He is not, he really isn't - I saw him cried during the funeral. Through the years I've noticed him gradually withdrawing from the family as his life spiraled into oblivion. He always remained stoical when he is with us and one could imagine how much my grandmom's passing must have saddened him for him to even shed a tear in front of us.

Have we been too caught up with assessing people's actions and words?

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

We play our roles, we act as how our role requires - a daughter, son, father, mother, brother, sister, husband, wife, employer, employee etc. We change as our roles change and how many sides of a person can you really catch? Sometimes it might be a lil better if we could stop trying to analyze a person but feel for him. Actions and words can be misleading, feel and you might understand him better.

Events like this force me to reassess my priorities and goals.
Was it something just to sustain myself?

Music

I spent this afternoon searching for a music school. I later told my dad that I am going to learn the guitar and piano.

He said, "toes are laughing."
-__________-"
I wanted to remind him that he said the similar thing the other time I told him that I was going to sell my notes.

But whatever it is, I'm so excited! Finally! I've made the first step towards playing this ridiculously long list of songs I've compiled! Hopefully I'll progress from there onwards.

I finally quit my job

so.screwed.

my disturbing dreams

WONGPARTNERSHIP!!!

I GOT THE INTERNSHIP WITH WONGPARTNERSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.wongpartnership.com.sg/index.htm

BAUUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHA
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

HOOOOYYYAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAN'T WAIT MAN!!!!
MY LOVELY RAFFLES PLACE HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chill leh!

And when I thought I could chill at home after gym today...

I got a job offer!

It was really random and extempore

I rushed down to Tanjong Pagar (!!!!! THAT PLACE AGAIN!!!!) and we met to discuss the jobscope and stuff. I was a lil hesitant taking it up because I'm still holding on to my current internship and a couple of pending ones. But I know the pending ones have the possibility of remaining pending forever and as the discussion lengthens, I knew I had to take it up, just because

1) He knows that I'm working in the day so its a take-home project. I do not need to work in the office. (YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2) Its about law. To be specific, its white collar criminal law. The case seems interesting. And since its P&C, it makes it even more.... alluring!

3) Access to certain documents. I know I won't really be restricted in any ways if I work on this case, so its gonna be a bloody good learning experience (I hope!).

But the downside is...

Damn...I can never escape frm accounting, can I? Heaps and heaps of accounting terms. But thankfully, I understand the basic stuff...I reckon it will make the research a lil less painful. When I was browsing through the judgment, I saw IAS, FRS and stuff like that. OMG, weren't those which freaked me out 2 semesters ago! But its alright, as long as I do not need to do those journal entries and blah blah blah I should be able to survive.

And another downside of it is... I'll be working way more than before. Work in December was kinda slack but everything will be picking up in January. With this coming in, uh...my nights are more or less gone. So! I'm determined to quit the current one! Woohooo... ! Can rest more, can slack around, yet doing some work.

Its Saturday tomorrow, a day which I thought I was just going to chill just like I thought I would today. But, he gave me this stack of documents to read tonight... and another briefing tomorrow.

I'm gonna harness my supersonic reading skills and finish it up and save my supposedly restful weekend! I almost forgot the fact that life is not all about working!

I hope things will get better...
She is so clear of her directions, yet she is lost in the moment.

Wiped out

I never really believe in making New Year resolutions - because I believe in constant purposefulness.

But its always important to look back and understand, accept, learn and try being better.

Finally, I made an effort to clear up my cellphone's inbox as I was waiting for my parents to pick me up. My inbox was exploding with close to 1000 texts... and as I was deleting them, the somewhat familiar yet distant memories started flooding in. It pretty much wrapped up 2008. Everything seems clearer, and hindsight is definitely better than foresight.

Draining is the word to describe 2008. Looking back, I can't believe I pulled through the last 3 years. They have been the shortest yet most intensive years in my life. I've always thought that I won't be able to make it through another similar year, but it somehow happens even if its tougher. I guess thats how humans are - they somehow just suck it up and make it through if they have no choice. After awhile, you realize thats just the way it is and slowly, start making the best out of it.

2009 somehow feels intimidating. Nightmares after nightmares about NZ recently, I don't exactly know why too. I know its going to be a tough year ahead, that being due to various reasons. Yet its also another year worth giving a shot.

But before anything, I really, really, really think I have to give myself a break. I've been running on...I-don't-know-what for so long, I can't seem to stop. I thought I was wiped out in Semester 2 but it has been accumulating ever since. I'm just so excited about everything, wanting to give everything a shot (like the previous post) such that I perpetually feel tired. So...... ta-da! After gym tomorrow, I'll go home and chill.

For the next few days, I will avoid town and avoid reading. Chill out, outdoors and....rest.