I went through... so many set backs these past few weeks. Another major one today. Just an hour ago. But I took a deep breath..I felt like breaking down again, but I know its no longer an option.

Although I feel real sore now, although I still feel like crying, I still feel like I need rest, I still feel like eating meat - I know this sounds comical.. but I really want to eat that. But, I realized I still need to go on.

I've been irrational the past few days. I said and did things I regretted. Its been a painful journey the past 2 months. From trying to put down the past, accept where am I, still trying to adapt, telling myself that I can do it.. very draining and very helpless at times. I really felt like giving up again...I wished I'd stopped pushing myself, I wished I was smart, I wished things could just go my way..But one after another, it kept pulling me down..and you know what, I'm damn tired

Ytd, Carol asked me, 'Why are you treating your life like a certificate?'
Van asked me, 'How many times do you want to fall?'

I..can't answer these questions yet. Sometimes I wished I'm a baby and I can just cry everything off. A crybaby. But Huiling... you can't stop no matter what happens.. Huiling you can't just stop there. Move on... Huiling, move on..

I feel the sore, I feel the confusion, I feel the struggles but maybe its the test of strength. I'm tired, but I've to move on..let go and move on.

Mother's day was ytd. Every special occasion makes me misses home. I talked to my mom for a moment, I feel like running home. A place where you know everything would be ok. That place which you can be able to fall and stand up again, a place where you can just cry.. without worrying that you got a whole lot of things behind your back.

I know its up to me to move on. I have to because there isn't an option. I'm thankful for those who stayed beside me. I don't care if what you said makes sense or not. Just as long you hear me speak. Don't criticize me.

Van, I don't know if you would ever see this but thanks. thanks is an understatement, but thank god you are here. That night was my worst night. today was bad as well. but i took it as calmly as i could have already. thanks for rushing down that day, thanks for just staying there even thought i was sleeping, thanks for packing my room, thanks for everything.