I'm back again. I reckon I'm back very often during stressful times.. as you have already seen.

Not that my tests have ended, not that I'm free now, just that I need to... well just say some stuff...

Another week has gone by real quickly, as usual, I wish I could have more time to myself and think. Sit down and think, lie down and sleep.

Recently, just coincidentally, I've heard about several cases about deaths. No, not cases in law but through people. I guess no one really closed to me have ever passed away before. Not close enough to make a huge impact..

I wonder how they are taking things now? But one sure thing is that they are strong. They are really strong and maybe what gets them through are memories and the love they hold deep down.

The power of the human will. Heard that heaps of time? Yeah.. but its the undeniable truth.

Falling and standing up again. That vicious cycle of life - when would it ever end? You know its never gonna end, and knowing that, are you still willing to stand up again? Or maybe, knowing falling again is inevitable, why choose to stand again? Why not take that easy way out - tempting and easy. Seems as though there are no valid reasons not to reject that. But probably there is something within us which makes us fight.

Some just know what they are fighting for, know why are they fighting, know that they will get it. But some don't. They don't know a single thing yet carry on fighting. Half way through, they stare up blankly and ask themselves: What the hell am I doing? Why the hell I am here in the first place?

I've faced so many similar situations being disillusioned and I've always wonder what keeps me going on. What keeps everyone going on? I asked and I never got a definite answer. It seems as though there is no purpose, no drive, living is for the sake of living.

But no. There must be something in you. Something burning in you to make you want to lead this life. This life full of shit, this difficult life, this tragic life. That something is so great to make you willingly endure through that.

The ability to lead a life itself is already a strength. Everyone's fighting for it. Sometimes I feel, maybe its not worth it at all - A whole bunch of crazy people fighting and struggling, and through that, ugliness exposed.

I doubt so much, yet I've worked so hard. Up till this day, giving up has always cross my mind but never materialized. So I asked myself once again, the ultimate question - Why? There is still no answer to it. Just know that the past 20 years of my life I've struggled, I've worked hard, I felt like giving up, I've done stupid things. But I am still breathing till this day. It proves to me 1 thing - that there is something I want so badly that I am willing to fight till this day.

There is something in you that you want so badly. So badly that you are willing to fight for it till now. You are really strong...